To not want to feel guilty for dressing dd up nicely for special day at school.

[OliveOyle]

Have nc'd for privacy.

The other day it was a special dress up day at my Dd's school. She's in reception and had been excited about dressing up for weeks. We were told 3 weeks in advance so that was enough time for me to put something together for her. I ended up fishing out an old dress of hers I was going to give to charity and painting patterns on it. On the day I really went all out and did her hair nicely and used face paints to bring the outfit together.

I like doing things like this and enjoy it. I have quite a boring life at the moment so these type of school events give me something to focus on for a few weeks.

On the morning I took dd in and everyone complimented dd including her best friends mother. When we were standing at the back the mother started putting herself down and saying she's not good at these things and then went red and cried. Her mother was with her and started telling her that she's brilliant and not to put herself down like that. I felt absolutely mortified. I consoled her and told her that she was a brilliant mother and at least she'd remembered as some had forgotten.

I felt horrible for the rest of the day and still have a guilty feeling in my stomach and I don't know why. I feel bad for making the mother feel bad. I'm thinking next time I shouldn't make a big deal out of these things for dd, but I really enjoy doing and making these things. I shouldn't have to feel guilty should I? So why am I feeling so bad?

At least you both made the effort !
Theme days don't have to be expensive, the best costumes are always the ones that have been put together from odds and ends, or give a general impression of the character they are supposed to be. If you want to go to town and make something special,that is up to you,but you don't have to be clever to dress up.
What is really awful are the people who think you have to go and buy an expensive ready-made costume.

Olive

No.

Hope you are OK. As I said, sympathy fine, guilt, not productive.

I always admire people who are good at arts and crafts. It's not my thing, but I do admire it. IMO it's mean to assume it's done out of one-upmanship or having nothing better to do

This is very silly. She wasn't crying because of your costume.

doeange are you talking about the pageant competitions? No, I wouldn't enjoy that and I don't dress DD up to be competitive and I don't approve of them either.

That's true Jamie. And that's what I meant about people being dismissive about Olive's efforts.

Thanks jamie.

Thanks everyone. Will try to stop feeling like this then. I am quite sure she must have had a bad meeting with her ex or something.

ok, I apologize OP
don't think you done nothing wrong
offer to help next time
don't feel bad

Olive - I like making stuff too. It rarely looks amazing but I like doing it and my DS1 loves helping. We rummage through my boxes of material and bits and create stuff. And recently we have pulled off a couple of outfits that were actually pretty ok for his special assemblies/drama stuff.

We are always original and way off perfect.

It's not getting one up on other parents. I don't need another hobby, got loads. I just like spending time with my child creating stuff.

Don't feel guilty about it. The mother may have been having one of those "inadequate moments". She will be amazing at other stuff. She probably feels a little silly about being upset about it.

OP I am like you and this year I offered to do my DDs best friend's outfit too so they matched. They were thrilled and so was the other Mum. Maybe you could do this one year?

You cannot take responsibility for this other woman's unhappiness. However, I think reaching out next time there's an event like this would be a lovely thing to do. I wouldn't say coordinate the girls, but more along the lines of - hey what about this day that's coming up. I was thiking of maybe doing xyz, have you had any ideas? Shall we go round the charity shops together to look for abc? Or would you like to come and make the costume at ours? I'll do lunch.

Wouldn't offer to co-ordinate,could come across as v patronising!

talk about a stealth boast! (only pulling yer leg OP)

it is not your fault she cried, and there must be more to it.

Seriously, just do whatever you and your child are happy with and sod everyone else. That applies equally to those who ENJOY makng costumes and the like, who should not have eyes rolled at them and bitching behind their backs, as it does to those who dont have the time or inclination and make do at the last minute with a binliner and some sellotape. Or the kids who prefer to turn up in school uniform anyway and who should not be pitied for having crap, forgetful parents.

personally the photos of the crap or hilarious (never beautiful, hand made or hired) costumes we have cobbled together for assemblies and dress as a whatever day are all part of our memories of our kids childhoods - and they grow up so quick - No 2 off to secondary this time. Time flies!

ll31 nonsene....as I said, I offered to fully come up with a themed outfit for my DDs friend and her Mum bit my hand off!

I can only gaze in awe at arty farty people

The mother did mention that she should have bought her dd around my house this morning, so I don't think she'd get offended or anything.

pancake that's exactly what I do too . I have loads of bags of my mums old fabrics (she used to sew) so I stitch things together or just paint on old clothes. I like face painting too so that just makes a crappy outfit look good too because it draws attention away from imperfections!

redexpat and neo that sounds fab. Like I said she wouldn't get offended so I might just offer next time. Probably not this year, but next year.

I was once told by someone that made them feel 'inferior' as mother, because she felt I did more for my dc than she did her own. I was mortified. I did not at all consider this to be the case.. she is a great mum.

I cannot even tell you how awful I still feel just for writing this and it was nearly a year ago.