To have been a bit unsympathetic? (Complicated!!)

[spg1983]

My dsis is 18, she's the youngest sibling by over 10yrs. My DB and I have the same dad who sadly passed away, then dm remarried s-dad and had dsis. Although dm and s-dad are now divorced, we still see him as our dad even though his only bio child is dsis.

Since the divorce (11 yrs ago), I feel (maybe wrongly, not sure) that dsis has become a bit spoilt through being the only child left at home and also due to guilt from mum and s-dad. Examples include being bought a new top-of the range mobile after losing one she was bought a week before, having a strop and wrecking her room then getting bought a new bedroom furniture set. Wanting to buy big things (brand new car, designer dog etc) but borrowing money instead of saving up then refusing to pay parents back when other costs arise like insurance etc, despite showing off on fb with pics of her large designer trainer collection! Refusing to pay board despite working full-time.

Anyway, she wanted to go to a concert but was working when they were released so asked dm to book and pay for it. Not sure why she couldn't leave dm her debit card but never mind... Dm didn't have enough money on her card to do it so asked her DP to book and pay, which he did. To complicate things though, the company would only post to his billing address which he'd just moved out of (in order to move in with mum and dsis), he hasn't got round to changing the address. He told dsis and said she'd need to go to the address and get the letter (it was sent signed for).

As you can probably guess, dsis didn't bother to get the letter when it was delivered on 1st April, and has moaned non-stop about not having her ticket since then. She then decided that 4 days before the concert, she'd start a mission to get the tickets back. To cut a long story short, they have been returned back to the sender but have somehow got lost. This bit is pretty complicated and Royal Mail have admitted liability and are offering compensation for the full value of the ticket.

However, dsis has looked at replacement tickets and as it is only 4 days to the concert, the price has gone from £70 to £150. She is now going mental and saying that Royal Mail should give her £150 instead of £70 but I seem to be the only one who disagrees.

Aargh pressed post too soon! AIBU to feel this way? S-dad has replaced the ticket at £150, fully expecting to be fully reimbursed by rm and has told me I'm too hard on dsis and always take the hard line with her. Btw, I realise this is petty but it's one of those things where I don't want to be a mean cow so am really interested to hear what others think.

I don't know whether Royal Mail should officially pay the full amount (maybe they should) but your sister sounds like she's behaving like a spoilt brat!

Sorry for multiple posts - my point is that if dsis had collected the letter on time or started investigating the loss earlier, she'd have been able to replace the ticket for £70, it's the delay which has caused the price hike.

tbh - I think you are well out of it. Dsis sounds like she still has some growing up to do......

No, I see your point, and I agree -your sister didn't take any responsibility for herself even though the whole arrangement was a favour to help her out. I would just roll my eyes and not comment - I have a 'baby' sister (18 months younger than me) too, only recently in our 30s are my parents getting exasperated...

If she's still like this at 23 then that's a problem, at 18 while annoying I'd say that sense of entitlement isn't that unusual (but very annoying!).

Yes chottie I agree. Trouble is I teach teenagers so s-dad often runs things by me first with regard to dsis (I wish he wouldn't though, I'm certainly no expert and it's hard to stay unbiased). I don't like it when he does this and have started to say so - especially as he often does the opposite to what I think! He got grumpy with me when I said no, I don't think she should get 150 back and even more grumpy when I refused his request to split the cost of the ticket with him and other family members cos "she needs cheering up after this and it's not her fault"

Don't think it helps that I'm on mat leave and easily reachable whenever anyone wants anything. Can't ignore their calls either as our grandad is not in a good way and we all have to communicate about him.

your sister sounds a spoiled madam she could have gone to get these tickets she was too lazy not too , Id not get involved but tell her to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a brat, my sister is the same but my sister is in her late 20s and still at home behaving like this

Thanks morgan, I totally see your point. I think part of the issue is that dsis has a lot of very well-off friends whereas dm and s-dad are pretty average in terms of money. In fact I'd guess that dm is struggling as she couldn't use her card for this plus there are other things which indicate this. Dsis just can't see this though and gets so stroppy when some of her friends get bought lots of things and our family just can't compete with that... :(

YANBU - and Royal Mail, when they accept liability will only pay back the value of what was lost (assuming it was insured for enough), so she's on a hiding to nothing if she goes down that route.

She sounds like a complete spoiled brat. Like morgan though I have a 30+ year old 'baby' sister too. At least yours is 18.

My little sister went through a phase of wanting what the other girls at school had, even though our parents couldn't afford it. My older sister and I had quite a brutal conversation with her about it (including asking what she though our parents should go without so she could go on the precious school ski trip). Bit harsh, but she was 18 and needed to wake up.

Why are you so upset by it? Sounds like a bit of resentment over how you feel they treat your sister more favourably, but no matter how much of a pain your sister is, it is not her fault that she has become "spoiled" - your parents are the ones who need to stop indulging her, it's not really your business.

Sorry meant to add - bit unfair of your stepdad to keep asking your opinion when really it's nothing to do with you! Can you tell him to leave you out of it?

I think you answered your question yourself there ilove! I am bothered by it because I keep getting asked what I think and then getting told I was mean!

You may be right with feeling a bit of resentment, I'm not sure, which is why I posted here, I knew I'd get an honest response! However I have to say that when I was her age, although I was a bit jealous of friends having driving lessons and cars paid for, I was quite proud that I saved up myself and also didn't really want my parents to buy me a car because I knew I'd be such a rubbish driver that I'd damage it and waste their money! It just bugs me and my DB that our parents are really obviously not that rich and are feeling compelled to go without a lot of things (including heating in dm's case) just because dsis can't live with an alternative tablet/phone/car/piece of jewellery to what some of her mates have. I just don't get how she doesn't realise how hard she's making it for our parents, or more worryingly, does she realise exactly what she's doing and just not care?

She does sound spectacularly entitled even for an 18 year old - but I do feel your anger might be a bit misplaced - of course she can do without these things, but she doesn't, because your parents just give in - so she asks for more. It's your parents who need to take a firm line with her then she will just have to stand on her own two feet!

Yes, if your mother didn't do it for you and your DB, I wonder why she can't say no to your sister?

OP, your sis sounds like the female version of my brothers - spoilt rotten!

It feels awful when there's one set of standards for you and a different set appied for your sibling; the fault rests with the parents, the results can make the sibling unlikeable in the extreme and breed (understandable) resentment. Your sister needs to grow up, your DM and DSDad need to enforce some boundaries and you need to make your own boundaries clear (you are an adult and have every right to calmly tell your DSDad that you are uncomfortable with him running things by you because you always end up in the wrong).

Yes I need to stand up for myself and just not get involved from the start of each drama!

I have to say though that I feel sorry for all of them - dm and ds-dad for the reasons I've already said but DB and I have both said that we feel proud of what we have achieved and have learned the value of hard work and the feeling of reward when finally being able to get something we've saved for. I think dsis has not (and maybe will never) had that experience and I can envisage her getting into debt because of this feeling of entitlement and not realising the value of money. That's sad :(