to think this is his responsibility?

[LittleLisa78]

ExH has never had more than the every other weekend contact since we separated almost 4 years ago. I always used to contact him to ask if he was planning on having extra contact in holidays before I booked anything. At mediation almost 2 years ago he said he wanted 'at least half but preferably all of school holidays.' again, I contacted him to make arrangements but excuses were made or I was ignored. Therefore in Feb half term I didn't ask him and he didn't ask for any holiday contact. Similarly, at easter I didn't ask and neither did he so I went ahead and booked a trip away for may half term. Again, he didn't ask for contact for those holidays but is kicking off saying I've prevented contact by not asking him about holiday contact. His gf works in a school so he's well aware of holiday dates. AIBU to think if he would like holiday contact he should speak to me about what time to book off work and I shouldn't have to repeatedly ask every holiday? Despite his complaints about no contact during the last few holidays and despite me informing him of my holiday dates with dd and asking that we arrange his summer holiday dates he still has not done so and it's only four weeks til they start. Therefore, is it unreasonable if I go ahead and make plans with dd and tell him he has to fit in around them if he ever gets around to arranging contact?

Yanbu, if he's not asked for any holiday time then go ahead and make plans. You shouldn't have to chase him for holiday dates all the time, I'm sure he's perfectly capable of approaching you and telling you when he has time off.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, he sounds like a knob, but for a quiet life, I'd probably just send an email before holidays saying that if you don't hear from him by x date that you will assume he is not having contact and will make plans accordingly. It gives you a paper trail in case you ever need it to show that you gave him the opportunity for contact.

I would second emailing him and keeping all emails you send and any replies. It will cover you.

Do you get the school holiday timetable at the beginning of the year? If so, email and forget. He is a controlling wanker who wants to look like a good father when he won't act like one. Do the bare minimum and enjoy all the holidays with DD.

I agree with all the other posters - it is absolutely not your responsibility to chase up and try to organise a grown man and he is being a total knob to expect it of you.

I do think sending him the school calender and letting him know that he needs to get in touch if he wants contact during the holidays would be a nice idea though - then he can't say he doesn't know the dates or that you were uncooperative.

Good idea, thank you. I have emailed saying let me know if you've booked time off and/or can we make holiday arrangements which haven't been responded tobut i haven't set a deadline for response as otherwise will get told I'm controlling.

Why do you care if you get told you're controlling?

I think that if you get no response by, say Monday, you should resend the emails giving a deadline to respond. Maybe tell him he will still be welcome to see her during the holidays at extra times but they will have to fit around other plans if he wont commit. Sod him if he says you're being controlling, and just ignore it if he does. You've given him plenty of opportunity.

I've told him I want contact arrangements made at least4 weeks prior to holidays otherwise I shall assume I'm ok to make plans and he will then have to fit around them.