To tell pre-school about spitting

[SoftlySoftly]

Genuine aibu or not, DD1 is 3 came home from preschool today and told me a boy spit on her.

They were painting and her paper was touching his (typical 3 yr old argument!) So he spit on her, she said he spit on her face but most on her hand. She showed me shielding her face with hands. He then said "she shouldn't tell" so she said she kept quiet. She gave a good description so I know he could be recognised. I know the "don't tell" has worried her as she backed off sharp when I showed interest and kept repeating "nothing its nothing".

Anyway I usually stay out of 3yrold squabbling, it happens but I have to admit a revulsion for spitting! That plus the "don't tell" has made me want to flag it up to school. I know they can't retrospectively do anything but so his behaviour can be watched?

I praised her highly for telling me and reinforced "dont tell" doesnt apply to mummy's with sweets shoot me.

I'd flag it more for the "don't tell" message than anything else. Your DD shouldn't be spat on, but as you said, that might be a bit late to address.

i always told my lo that as well dont tell never means mummies in fact it means definitely tell your mummy.

i would mention it as you said they can keep an eye on him from now on. spitting is disgusting.

I would raise it with nursery. This boy shouldn't be spitting on other children, and shouldn't be intimidating your dd about not telling. If the nursery are decent then they will be able to discreetly monitor this boy to make sure he doesn't do anything like this again, or that if he does then he is picked up and disciplined about it straight away.

I would mention it - in a "nice" way! Simply tell them what she told you. Maybe emphasise the fact that she seemed worried about telling anyone so you worry she might feel unable to speak to an adult there if she's worried about anything. Just ask them to keep an eye out. I teach young children and it's never worried me if a parent comes in to talk about any problems between children - just means we are aware of it and can keep look out and talk about behaviour with the children etc

Now I'm worried about the boy. Who has taught him, "don't tell" at 3? I would raise it at nursery just for that.

Definitely raise it. Like MrsTerryPratchett, I also would keep an eye out for something else going on. Very strange behaviour for a three year old to know. Better to say something now (although just stick to the facts, let the staff deal with anything else). Sometimes it can be small pieces of information added to your already underlying suspicions that can be the final piece of the puzzle for staff to decide whether something is worth reporting.

Yeah you should report it your child shouldn't be spat on

Definitely tell the nursery manager, I agree, tat phrase for a 3 year old sounds a bit odd

That's not right at all. Horrible for your dd to have been spat on and intimidated. Even more worrying about the don't tell. I'm definitely not going to shoot you for the sweets, your dc needs to know that 'don't tell' isn't right and she should always tell you. If sweets get that message across then so be it!!

Yanbu, I think you should talk to the nursery.