MIL to be has always been lovely to me, until DD was born and ever since i feel like she is constantly judging and criticising, perhaps i am being paranoid i dont know...
She gave my other half a major amount of hassle for not calling her every day with an update when DD was born, now, we have a massive extended family and other half had to go back to work the day after DD was born so its not like we had the luxury of paternity leave and he was sitting around the hospital, he was working and rushing to see us straight after, hospital was out of town also as couldn't get into local one.
On the day we did get home from hospital she came round and suggested to take DD out at the weekend to give me a break, she was 3 days old and i was breastfeeding, how was this going to work and did she really think i wanted to be parted from my child when she was 5 days old? She also then arranged a family event at her house when DD was 3 weeks old and told us to be there, didn't ask if I was up to it, etc. just arranged it and told us what time to arrive, i did not feel ready at all but done now.
Whenever she wants to see DD, she doesn't make an arrangement in advance, she texts on the day of, or maybe the night before to ask if we are free. Then, if we aren't she casts it up next time i see her, i.e. she will say to DD "hello, i haven't seen you in so long, you were busy when i tried to see you" its a silly thing, but if she gave me at least a few days notice i would have half a chance of being available, i am not going to keep weekends free on the off chance she might want to visit. Also, she has booked days off to do things like get her nails done and i have suggested we go for lunch and she says she's busy.
Anyway, thats just a few examples of little annoyances but recently, i have found out from someone that she has a few complaints with our parenting, she thinks the fact that we have DD in a bedtime routine and stick to it is 'ridiculous' - not sure why puting our child's needs first is 'ridiculous' but keeping her up late and dragging her around with us to evenings out is deemed as OK, strange. She doesn't think we give DD enough water... how she would know how much she drinks i dont know. We dont want DD to have any junk food until she is at least 2, ideally not at all but while she's not asking for it we can get away with it a lot easier, this also falls into the 'ridiculous' category. She also doesn't like that DD has a dummy - which she only gets at bedtimes and if she is getting fussy in her pram, is not permanently in her mouth. I didn't set out to give her a dummy but she was a very 'sucky' baby and this was the only way i could get restbite.
All of these things are just little irritants and perhaps it wouldnt be as big a deal if i hadn't had a lot of drama in my only family to deal with. There has been a major falling out in my family which involved financial wranglings and many people/lawyers/etc being dragged into it, one of my siblings took an overdose in recent months and another of my siblings caused criminal damage to the home and vehicle of another family member, all of this since DD has been born and i think the latest criticism from MIL to be has just pushed me to the edge, i just want them to support us, i appreciate they wont necessarily agree with all our decisions but if we were making decisions that put our child at harms way i could understand, they are criticising decisions made to put our child and her health first, i can't understand it.
i also found out about a family gathering she arranged and didn't invite us to, i am very hurt and upset. perhaps its just everything adding up which is causing this reaction in me, it has surprised me.