to say no weekend guests during the month before my due date?

[Soontobemama]

because I feel like maybe I am being a bit selfish, but I also kind of want to be .

My MIL wants to come and stay for a weekend during the month before my 1st baby is due. For several reasons I would prefer she didn't.

DH and I are currently working our way through a list of jobs (decorating, putting up furniture etc) that we need to get finished before the baby arrives and these are taking up most of our weekends at the moment. I'm already struggling to help DH as much as I normally would and so am keen to get things sorted out before I'm in my last few weeks and just can't manage anything.

We also have NCT classes which will be taking up half a weekend day, and we've paid a lot of money for them to try and meet people (We are new to the area and know nobody!). I'd like to be available for any socalising that might take place after the classes rather than rushing home to see MIL.

Also, and probably my most selfish reason is that it's dawning on me that there are only very few weekends left where it's going to be just me and DH. Most of those look set to be full of DIY, and if we do manage to get a couple of weekends free once all our jobs are finally finished I'd actually quite like to spend some time with just him while we still can. I have the rest of my life to entertain my MIL but only a couple of weekends to enjoy time with DH as a couple before our baby arrives and changes things forever. Don't get me wrong we are both looking forward to the life changes ahead, but I'm sure that we will also miss the days when we could lie in and do whatever we want without a little person to consider.

There's also the fact that I am going to be uncomfortable and tired and not probably not in the mood for having guests. The baby could also come early and I really don't want MIL there when I go into labour. Nothing personal I wouldn't want my own mother there either.

I should also add that MIL did come and stay only a short while ago so it's not like she hasn't seen us for months. She will also be visiting again once the baby arrives.

Am I really being unreasonable and selfish? I feel like I might be a bit.

YANBU if you don't want any weekend guests

But you would BU if you were just singling your MIL out.

No she isn't being singled out but for the fact that she is the only person who ever stays overnight with us.

My family live an hour or so away and we don't have any plans to visit them or have them visit us either.

See you started all reasonable, but the more the thread goes on the more I think you just don't like her...

Spending your last few weekends together as a twosome rather than a family of 3 is completely reasonable and should be good enough for anyone. Particularly anyone who has had a baby themselves.

Besides the fact that some first babies are known to come early!!!! I had the last 2 weekends sorted for my DH and I to do some lovely things together before my first due date and what happened? It went to s**t as I needed an EMCS 15 days early. Make the most of it

why?

I understand that you are not treating her any differently from your own family, but I do have to confess to feeling a bit sorry for her.

If I read this correctly, she lives a five hour drive from you (what, about three hundred miles?), is dependent on the train for transport, and has no-one else living near you and your husband with whom she could stay for a night or two, in order to visit you.
Add to that you cannot have her to stay for a month before your due date and a few weeks after the birth, so potentially two months that she cannot see you and her son at, what is for you all, an exciting but emotional time.

If I answer your question, no I don't think you are being unreasonable to want things whatever way you want them at this stage of your pregnancy and during/after the time of the birth, but ... nevertheless ... I do feel a little sorry for your MIL that the circumstances, other commitments you all have, geography, travel and lack of someone to stay with results in her being unable to be any part of this exciting time.

(However, even as I say that last sentence, I do realise that ... of course ... that is the situation for many families and that such circumstances often can't be helped).

I think you should be strong enough to resist all these meals out. Why do you feel so much like you HAVE to go, when you could just wave DH off cheerfully?

On the other hand personally I don't think it's unreasonable to not want people staying so close to the birth, I didn't. I was terrified I would go into labour with them there. Turned out that I was almost 2 weeks overdue.

Oh, I did mean to add to that ... while I can accept that you don't mean to treat her any differently from your own family, she is in a very different position from them.
Presumably they will be able to pop across and see you (and the baby when he/she arrives) long before this (potentially two month) period is up.

YANBU. I would say no to visitors, don't justify yourself just say I have decided no to have visitors we will be seeing you when the baby arrives.

This is the only time you and DH have as a couple to relax before your baby arrives. Plus I wouldn't want my mil round if my baby suddenly made an appearance - I would want one space.

Sleeton - she does have someone she could stay with other than us but she doesn't want to. We suggested that after the birth she could stay with her other relative which would then enable her to pop in and visit us without us having to put her up overnight. She doesn't want to do this though.

Her partner actually stayed with this other relative the weekend just gone. MIL was expected to go too which would have meant we could have seen her then but she chose not to go. That's the reason she now wants to arrange a weekend to stay with us before the birth.

Redtractoryellowtractor- With regards to meals out etc, it's just how it's always been. She likes to go out and in the past we have gone along with it for her visits as we haven't had a reason not to. During my 1st trimester I was just too ill and tired to do it everynight, and she did sulk a bit hence why DH felt torn. I have tried in the past to say that her and DH can go out without me but she gets upset and thinks that she has upset me, or that I don't like her.

I do like her actually, she generally means well. But I am realistic about her personality and have known her long enough to know that she will not come along and join in with our jobs. She will say that she will, she may even mean it too, but once she is here she will realise that actually she'd prefer to go out and she will try to persuade us that the jobs can wait and that we should go out while we can.

My family live closer but due to various reasons (health issues, lack of transport etc) don't generally visit us. We go to them but like I said upthread we haven't been seeing them either and don't plan to before the baby arrives.

We have literally been working on our home from getting up to going to bed as we have had quite a lot to get sorted out (damp issues etc not just prettying it up).

Technically they could pop over and see the baby once it's born but in practice I don't know if they will. Via public transport it takes them just as long to get to us as it does MIL but with a lot of changes, and generally they don't tend to make the effort. We actually see a lot more of MIL each year than we do any of my family.

Hmm sulking when you don't do stuff is reason enough in my book not to have her to stay!

I'm due in 7 weeks and I'd have PILs in law to stay in the last month but they always muck in, don't expect to be constantly entertained and are generally very laidback house guests.

she does have someone she could stay with other than us but she doesn't want to. We suggested that after the birth she could stay with her other relative which would then enable her to pop in and visit us without us having to put her up overnight. She doesn't want to do this though. Her partner actually stayed with this other relative the weekend just gone. MIL was expected to go too which would have meant we could have seen her then but she chose not to go. That's the reason she now wants to arrange a weekend to stay with us before the birth

I was undecided on this one - right up until you said ^^ this - then it suddenly became apparent that unless your MiL is the centre of attention, she isn't at all happy. YANBU at all.....! She was offered the chance to see you and refused, so it's not your choice - it's hers, and she has chosen not to see you for a couple of months....

I don't think it's actually as calculated as it might seem. She would prefer to stay with her son, which is understandable I suppose.

I think a lot of the problem is that she comes from a large family who spend a lot of time together and drop in and out of each others houses all of the time. Her own mother lives with MIL's brother etc. That's the norm for their culture and she probably feels that she is missing out on that by living a distance away from us.

The fact is that neither I nor DH is actually like that and even if she lived next door it wouldn't be that way. We are the type of people who quite like our own space (probably why both of us moved away from where our families live).