I posted on AIBU a few weeks back saying I thought I might have a borderline eating disorder, as I would severely restrict my food intake for weeks, then binge for weeks, then the cycle would start again.
Anyway, thanks to the thoughtful responses I received, I realised there was nothing 'borderline' about things, and I really did have a problem with eating normally.
I've taken up lots of the advice, including the recommended reading and Paul McKenna and that has been really helpful. I particularly liked the Beyond Temptation book (rather waffley and skim read a lot of it but very helpful). I think what I have taken from all of this is that I don't NEED to be on a diet, diets are actually making me gain weight, and that I'd fare a lot better if I stopped depriving myself, which ultimately leads to some insane binges.
Anway, I've been diet and binge free for ten days now, which is by no means out of the woods of course, but it feels so good not to start the day either a) dejected about having binged the night before and unable to get off the bingeing wagon or b) dejected about another day of eating cardboard!
Today I had a bowl of cereal (naice luxury one with the chocolate and nuts in it!), prawn pad thai and a smoothie at lunch with friends and a chicken salad for dinner with crusty bread. I've also had a full fat latte and a few squares of chocolate. That must be my most normal day of eating in about 12 years!! Feels so liberating
I do want to lose weight but I now know I have to think long term, ie ease myself in to some healthier lifestyle habits and who knows maybe by this time next year I may be a dress size or two smaller. I'll definitely be healthier, anyway.
Sorry for such a long post, but just needed to tell someone (don't want to discuss it in RL)
If anyone else on the road to recovery has some useful advice to share, I'd love to hear it