to do what i want to do for my 40th, which is not alot......

[trackies]

For my 30th, i organised loads of stuff and invited lots of friends. I have no problem with people celebrating milestone bdays big style, but i dont want to do it for my 40th.

I now have two DC's, one of which has long term health problems. I gave up work to look after him. Therefore money is alot tighter. I have no energy or will to organise anything.

So for my 40th, I said I would like to go out with DH on the day (go watch a film etc.), and go away with one of my best friends for a weekend later in the year (without DH and kids). He's totally fine with this and agrees that i could do with a break from DC's. I can't go away with DH without kids, as we only have one DG, and she can't look after DC2 cos of his health problems.

Another friend had her 40th earlier this year. She hired a bar and invited loads of people. Had another party for another group of friends. Went away abroad with just her DH. And did something else with her family including her DC's. I have no problem with this. I went to one event. Was happy to help her celebrate.

She was asking what I was doing for my bday and i said to her that my bday present this year is a weekend away with my BF later this year (not on my bday). She said "so your not celebrating it then?" I said i am celebrating it by going away with my BF. She asked with disapproving tone "what about DH? are you not doing anything with DH?" I said "well yeah, on the day we will go and watch a film or something." Her reply was another disapproving "oh".

Will stress again that DH is absolutely fine with this.

AIBU to want to be left to do want I want to do for my bday, without being made to feel like i'm not doing enough, or being made to feel unreasonable for not going away with DH ?

Yanbu. Ignore her. Some people seem to think they need to go over the top, to prove that they exist or something.

Well she sounds like an insensitive pain in the arse. Enjoy your day with DH and your weekend with your BF. ignore this woman. Perhaps she is jus a bit stupid rather than nasty?

She's probably not thinking. Or was wanting to say "omg how do you cope with never getting time away with your dh thats so hard I would go mental" but bit her tongue in time and said "oh" instead.

I have people say "ooh you should get away with your dh" and I really want to say "oh great, are you willing to train to look after ds2 for me then, and we can gradually work up to you having him for a whole weekend" but I don't, I smile and nod ...

YANBU. Be careful though, my birthday and BF at around same time. We decided to do the weekend thing. Never got round to it and the years have tramped on So make definate, booked plans.

YANBU at all. She sounds annoying and possibly a bit insecure if she can't understand other people choosing to do things differently from her. Tell her it's what you want to do and it's what you're going to do. Add in a line about enjoying the intimate, one on one time with your DH and BF rather than the hassle and lack of intimacy of a big night out if you want to annoy her even more.

Competitive birthday celebrating, yeesh.

My 40th I felt all sorts of pressure to organise a huge night out but in the end realised I wanted something very low key. Went out for dinner with some friends and that was it. It was perfect. Do exactly what you want OP and don't apologise for it.

My 43rd was a couple of weeks ago and DH and I celebrated by going to see The Great Gatsby!

She isn't intentionally nasty. Has reputation for speaking b4 thinking.

I think she's forgotton that DS is ill or probably doesn't realise how severe it is, so that i can't go away with DH. She has two DG's and her kids aren't ill so they do this on regular basis.

BerthaTheBogCleaner well done for biting your tongue. Some woman told me i could go back to work as DG can look after him, then explained that he's ill so DG can't look after him.

DH is planning it. I think he's booked something now. I just don't know what . Excited !

It's your birthday. Do what you want.

For my 40th husband and I went out to dinner. That was all.

Of course, I was 5 months pregnant at the time.

YANBU. I went to the park for my 30th, then cocktails in the garden with PIL, SIL and BIL and all you can eat Chinese for dinner, perfect.

OP i know exactly what you mean. My 40th is on Saturday and im not having a big party/celebration/night out. Just some cakewith family (i have a white chocolate one and am looking forward to it after dieting for 2 months and losing a stone) but as for a boozy night out im just not in the mood and im not really a drinker. A slice of cake wont totally ruin my diet but coupled with a load of booze it will. Id rather have the cake and a quiet do.
My 30th wasnt a big night out either. It was a family barbecue.

thanks to all of you for confirming that IANBU.

Darkesteyes wow well done on losing a stone! That's fantastic. I need to lose a stone too but keep comfort eating.
I hope you have a lovely day with your family and really enjoy your white choc cake (which sounds lovely). x

Yanbu! Like another poster I was pregnant when it was my 40th. I was v relieved as it was the perfect excuse to be low-key - just went out for a nice lunch with DP.

I have friend a bit like yours who can never really believe that I would rather not glam/whoop/party it up at every opportunity. But spare time and time for you is precious, you should celebrate however you want to.

Aw thanks trackies. Im a bit of a comfort eater too and have 3 more stone to go. the first 4 weeks were the worst I was sooo hungry.

This is the cake

www.mysupermarket.co.uk/#/sainsburys-price-comparison/cakes/sainsburys_seriously_white_chocolate_pearl_cake_900g.html

One night drinking can mean months of trying to burn off the calories can't it. Good luck with your 3 stone. I was supposed to lose that 1 stone by 40 but decided to delay until 41

Your cake looks yummy btw

thanks LadyBigtoes

Thanks tracks. im hoping to lose it over the next 9 -12 months.

Yanbu.

Loads of my friends are turning 40. We're all doing something different. Money and family circumstances plus different personalities mean we all want different things. I'd rather spend money on a tiptop week's holiday with my family than paying for all my friends to have one boozy night of partying.

Do what you want.

me too Suzie. thanks for that.

It's your flipping birthday, ignore the silly mare and do what you want to do! On my last milestone birthday I was getting over flu and the idea of a big party/piss-up was really unappealing so I spent the day on the sofa with a box set of Sherlock and a bar of Green and Blacks - It was wonderful!

DP bought me a swimming with sharks voucher so we ended up doing that about six months later as I wanted to take the boys too and couldn't fit the sessions round work until then ...

This year on my birthday I had just split from my husband about 4 weeks. I couldn't face a pity party and everyone being very jolly and rallying round nor a raucous "hes a b@stard" drinking sesh with the girls, so I pretended I was working, and booked myself into great resort and spa for the night. Packed my own prosecco, a Jilly Cooper, went and had a massage, ordered room service. Was bliss. Me time. Do your own thing. X

Tell her to piss off and organise her own.

Do what YOU want.