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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what your kids actually DO?

15 replies

Heartbrokenmum73 · 12/06/2013 14:40

DC are 11 (starting secondary in September), 8 (in Year 3) and almost 5 (in Reception). I'm in the processing of splitting with dp after 19 years together and probably going to move closer to my family for a support network, which I currently don't have.

DC do very little around the house (struggle to get them to tidy their rooms) and I'd like to either study or work after we move. I read too much on here about Mum being the cook/cleaner/gardener with little or no help and I want to start getting the DC more involved.

So, can I ask what is reasonable for their age? How can they be more useful around the house? What should/shouldn't I be expecting from them? And how can I motivate them?

Your advice would be much appreciated.

PS - I don't want to turn them into unpaid child labour, btw, if that's how I'm coming across!

OP posts:
EleanorHandbasket · 12/06/2013 14:42

Mine (9 and 10) lay the table for dinner if I shout at them enough.

Pack their own lunches

Tidy their rooms again after many many shouts

That's about it...

MadamePenguin · 12/06/2013 14:58

My four year old lays the table (sort of) and my nine year old washes up plates, bowls and cutlery. They "help" with the cooking on Saturdays.

They tidy their room. Sometimes.

princesssmartypantss · 12/06/2013 14:59

my ds (just under 2) 'helps' with hoovering, likes to dust and clean windows he can reach, he is reasonable at putting away toys with lots of encouragement. he hands me things out of the dishwasher and loads and unloads the washing machine. i hope by the time he is 9/10 that he will manage much of this without my assistance. i probably slow him down now

keely79 · 12/06/2013 15:05

My DS (1) and DD (3) tidy away their own toys. They sometimes "help" to sweep the kitchen floor. I sometimes hand them their breakfast things to put on the table and they can get the cereal out, etc.

They both fight to hand me my towel at the end of my shower Confused. My DD also loves putting my moisturiser on for me not as relaxing as a spa, but oh well.

DD and I often bake on weekends - cheese straws and that sort of thing.

You could perhaps try a reward chart for motiviation - they have to fill it up before pocket money is paid or can save up stars towards a treat - something like that.

FryOneFatManic · 12/06/2013 15:08

DCs aged 13 and 9.

They can tidy their rooms, hoover and dust their rooms (and other areas at times), set table for dinner and pour drinks, take out rubbish and recycling, load washing machine, empty washing machine and hang out clothes, load and empty dishwasher.

And they are learning to cook. Because they want to.

I don't ask them to do all the house work (but that would be nice for me Grin) but they are aware that I am of the opinion that all people living in a house should contribute to maintaining it by helping with some of the chores.

defineme · 12/06/2013 15:09

How about : full clean of room (my 8 yrolds can hoover) on Saturday morning (5 yrold can tidy toys) and then they get pocket money?

Take clothes off lines. |All do big sort/put away of washing together.
Lay table/plate in dishwasher/turns doing washing up?

We don't have a rota more me saying 'right time to lay table' or 'ds1 you've left your plate there'

chickensaladagain · 12/06/2013 15:10

My dcs are 9&11 their jobs include

Emptying the dishwasher
Putting their clothes away
Tidying their rooms or not
Hovering
Cleaning the bathroom
Feeding the pets

I'm a single parent, there are 3 people living in the house -they have to help end of!

Mrschocolate · 12/06/2013 15:12

My 9year old loads and unload the dishwasher, lays the table and helps me walk the dog and cook the tea sometimes .

My 6 year old does some dusting and sometimes helps gardening.

They both have to tidy their room and put dirty washing in the basket though I usually have to remind them.

OvO · 12/06/2013 15:13

Mine are 8 and 5.

They help set the table and clear away afterwards.
Tidy their room.

They help in the garden - my 8 year old gets a shot of the lawnmower (may as well get him involved using it when it's still fun for him as it'll be his job in a few years bwah ha haaa). They both help rake up the grass and weed as well. For this job they get extra pocket money.

They both like to help put the washing on and I'm encouraging this one a LOT.

They'll both pretty much help with any housework that I'm doing as long as I'm doing it as well. If left to it themselves they bitch and moan. So they'll help clean the bathroom happily if I'm in there to chat as they do it.

I do a lot of twee "Team OvO" stuff and what a great team we are and how well we all work together. I know this stuff will make some MNetters eyes roll hard but my boys love it so I do the cheerleader stuff anyway. Blush Works though.

mamachelle · 12/06/2013 15:15

mine are 9,8 and 4.5.

they make their beds and lay their p.js down and are expected to use the laundry basket

bring all plates etc into kitchen and throw waste food away.

are responsible for their rooms and the tidying away of toys etc

empty school bags and put coats/shoes away in the right places

help me unpack shopping if they are around at that time.

im on maternity leave atm but usually work 35 per week and i find that its the little jobs like using the laundry basket and not the floor that make the most difference to my time.

i am of the opinion that mine need to be responsible for themselves and their things.

HoneyStepMummy · 12/06/2013 15:21

7 year old will:

  • put groceries on conveyer belt in store, help pack shopping and put away (his idea, he loves it)
  • put his toys away, put his clothes in hamper, put dog toys away (after nagging and reminders)
  • put dirty plate & cup in sink
  • lay the table (sometimes)
  • help me bake
  • help Dad when barbequing, running out the bring him stuff etc.
  • help set up the tent when we go camping
  • put his shoes away
  • dust furniture with a sock on his hand (sometimes)

16 year old's daily chores:

  • walk dogs & clean up after them
  • do her laundry as needed
  • keep her room and bathroom clean
  • do dishes (some nights)
  • take rubbish out after a lot of nagging

She also knows how to:

  • cook & bake
  • help me clean the whole house

A few times a week I'll ask her to vacuum and mop the kitchen floor.
I would never ask her to clean my (and DH's) bedroom or bathroom or do our laundry. We have to nag her a lot but she actually knows how to do everything pretty well. I don't expect her to cook every night, but I will ask her to heat up something and open a bag of salad on very busy days. I would also never ask her to clean the oven. God, I'm making her sound like an au pair!

ShabbyButNotChic · 12/06/2013 15:22

My cousin is 10, he is expected to make his bed in the morning, his room has to be clean by saturday morning (or no football sat aft), puts his own laundry away, help clear up after dinner/fill dishwasher, pick up his own mess and has to walk the dog every other day. I know this as he explained it in great detail to me at the weekend, while complaining how unfair it all is! If he does all his jobs through the week he gets football match on sat aft and £5 to spend on rubbish/sweets. He missed out last weekend as his room was disgusting, (which is why he was complaining) I think this is ok for his age, he is learning the lesson that if you want to be more grown up you have to do the boring jobs too!

Birdsgottafly · 12/06/2013 15:23

My DH was ill and then died, from when my youngest was 18 months old.

My eldest had (now an adult) ADHD and dyslexia, my youngest LD's.

I had to work shifts and then did a SW BA as a mature student.

I always approached it from the POV that if i was less stressed and had more time, we all enjoyed life better.

It started with the attitude that, either they help tidy and we can have a movie night, or we go without family time.

Also, either i worked and they had more, which meant they pitched in, or they couldn't have more than the basics. They chose to help.

I was in a similar situation as yours,married 22 years and then it ended. Put the right way and give them the respect that becoming a young adult/teen deserves, then it will make your family unit stronger.

My kids are very capable and indepentant, having to pitch in has done them wonders, that and having to learn and use public transport etc.

Birdsgottafly · 12/06/2013 15:25

Also, i had to move, through lack of money, but from day one, it was "this is a new start and our new home, we all need to work, to make it a happy one".

musickeepsmesane · 12/06/2013 15:28

Mine keep their rooms tidy and their beds made. They take turns to set the table, empty dishwasher. Weeding, help with cooking, put away anything that belongs to them when they are finished with it. They are pretty good at helping really.
One child when reminded to tidy bedroom, didn't. I then gave a choice. "You can do it or I will do it for you" They decided I would do it. I did. It was immaculate. I tidied all the toys up into the loft = lesson learned.
I pay them for extras like walking the dog. He is my dog so I consider it a favour when the kids help, course if they ever get a pet of their own......

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