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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a 1 year old CAN tantrum?

32 replies

LittleLisa78 · 12/06/2013 11:42

My dd has just turned 1 and is usually very happy but is currently desperate to be able to walk. She wants me to hold her hands so she can walk all day. I am an attachment parenting type parent so never let dd cry etc. However yesterday I was making dinner for elder dd and holding younger dd - she's extremely clingy. She was raising her knees and arching her back so I couldn't hold her onmy hip so I put her feet on the floor so she could stand but she threw herself back because I couldn't hold two hands. Itried ssitting her down with toys but she wouldn't sit so I placed her on the soft rug in front room on her back and continued serving dds dinner. Dd told dp about it later and he said she's too young to be able to tantrum and too young for me to 'implement discipline.' Aibu to say a one year old can tantrum and there's no sense holding down a screaming cross toddler?

OP posts:

Berts · 12/06/2013 11:47

She totally can tantrum at that age - my DD started having tantrums over not getting what she wanted/not being allowed to do something from 10 months on! A friend with older children witnessed it once and said 'That is a full on toddler tantrum'.

At this age, you can't reason verbally so the best thing I found is to put them somewhere they can't hurt themselves (ie, lying on a carpet with no furniture in kicking distance) and don't talk to them (verbalising/engaging prolongs the tantrum), but stay with them so they know you're there and they are safe. Just sit calmly until the tantrum is completely over.

HTH!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 12/06/2013 11:55

A 1yo can tantrum, absolutely. I firmly believe that putting them down somewhere safe and leaving them to it (as you did) is the right thing to do.

You are giving them the time and space to get it out of their system without hurting themselves it anyone else. My children have always got more upset if i tried to comfort them in It's not punishment/discipline.

hotcrosbum · 12/06/2013 11:57

God yes.

I was watching some of ds (now 11!) baby videos with him the other day, the tantrums he threw from 10 ish months were amazing. He also spoke very early, I have him throwing bricks at me and saying 'mummy idiot, mummy stooooopid' over and over at 13 months!

hotcrosbum · 12/06/2013 11:58

(he wanted the camera, thats what that particular tantrum was over!)

glenthebattleostrich · 12/06/2013 12:04

If I was busy making tea or similar I would put DD in a travel cot to have her tantrum (in the same room). If not I would give DD a 'time on' from that age Basically holding her on my knee until she calmed down and gently explaining what was happening. This seemed to work until she hit 3 and now we do time outs

goodiegoodieyumyum · 12/06/2013 12:42

My son loves to throw himself on the floor if he doesn't get his own way, he is king of tantrums in our house. Glen I do the same with my ds now i know what to call it, never had to to it with dd.

mum23girlys · 12/06/2013 12:44

My middle dd would throw spectacular tantrums from around 9 or 10 months. She can still be tempremental now at 7

I think she has at times thrown more tantrums in 1 day than the other 2 combined in their lifetimes! She's just highly strung but out of the 3 she is the most sensitive towards other people and is always cuddly.

I would just put your dd down somewhere safe and wait for it to subside. My 3 were all late walkers and the frustration for them is immense. Dd3 was 17 months but now at 2.6 is whizzing about on her scooter everywhere

Loa · 12/06/2013 12:51

YANBU - my eldest was under 1 when she started - she is nearing 8 and can still tantrum. Between 2- and 2 she was spectacular.

Only thing to do was put her somewhere safe and wait it out.

People never believed till they witnessed it.

Loa · 12/06/2013 12:52

2- and 3.

My youngest a late starter on tantrum front is distracting me by having one now.

Fakebook · 12/06/2013 12:53

Ofcourse a 1 year old can tantrum! It's not too early to start disciplining either. A simple "no" and little explanation about why you can't do something will suffice. My DS has been doing it for months and he's 17m now, I'm hoping he bypasses the terrible twos and threes!

pantsjustpants · 12/06/2013 12:56

They can definitely tantrum!! My 17mth old is now an expert.....

You did the best thing: somewhere safe, and let them get on with it. I also attachment parent, but tantrums are something else.

Flobbadobs · 12/06/2013 12:58

Oh God yes they can!! DD2 distinguished herself by having one on the bus after I took her drink away from her (after she threw it on the floor for the umpteenth time). She's 15 months and this wasn't the first!

HoppinMad · 12/06/2013 13:00

My ds is 9 months and he seems to throw tantrums already! He loves to slap me and his older db on the face and pull my hair.
To be fair he is teething so very frustrated alot of the time, but wants to remain surgically attached to me even whilst napping. When I need to cook or whatever, I put him in the highchair but he arches his back and bangs the tray and shouts at me, got a right set of lungs on him. His temper tantrums are very similar to ds1 when he hit two!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 12/06/2013 13:03

Oh god yes. DS is 18 months and has been having EPIC tantrums over seemingly nothing. I just kind of let him do it and carry on with what I am doing - if that was playing with him I just sit and carry on playing. If he doesn't snap out of it in a minute I do a tickle attack or make a joke etc to distract him because by that point he's clearly forgotten what the hell he was stropping about anyway.

Wowserz129 · 12/06/2013 13:19

My 1 year old loves a good tantrum! He is obsessed with helping himself to the block of cheese from the fridge and he always shows his anger when I take it from him. Most tantrums surround food

50shadesofbrown · 12/06/2013 13:25

Absolutely! My DD is big for her age (tall,11kg, also very strong) & has always been very alert, looking around & interested in what's going on etc. She understands a lot of what we say to her (we think) However at 13 months she's not talking yet. So while we can tell her 'no' etc she can't tell us what the problem is. She throws some spectacular tantrums & as I'm relatively small I find it quite difficult to deal with, I literally can't hold her safely so have to put her down on the floor. I get some interesting looks from people when I'm coming home with her if she is in full flow in the pushchair. I feel like a heartless bitch sometimes, steaming home with a screaming struggling red faced toddler & not taking her out & cuddling her. However if I take her out & calm her down, the second I put her back she starts again & I can't carry her home & push the pushchair as it's half a mile.

MiaowTheCat · 12/06/2013 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ballinacup · 12/06/2013 13:30

My 17mo DS has it down to fine art, right down to a horrible, high pitched scream. The only way to deal with him is to completely ignore him. I always calmly explain 'Mummy is going to put you down now, until you stop being silly, and then we can have a cuddle' and then do exactly as you did and leave him somewhere safe, where he can't hurt himself.

Startail · 12/06/2013 13:43

My mixfed DD1 never really liked BFing.

I finally gave up bothering to try when she was 5 moths old as she would throw a full blown tantrum as I rolled her over in my arms to BFing position.

Scream, kick, wave her arms about and arch her back, just like older DCs do when they don't want pushchair or car seat straps done up.

Fortunately she was much given to tantrums when she was older, I think she tried twice. I ignored her she didn't bother again.

Original poster

LittleLisa78 · 12/06/2013 13:47

My dd does the giggle alarm thing too miaow - very cute but not very bright! Ha. After I'd put her down I went back to her after a minute and held my arms out to pick her up but she rolled away and said no and carried on screaming and kicking so I walked away again. Afteraanother minute or so I offered to pick her up again but she was still pushing away etc so I put her back down and after I'd served elder dds dinner I sat beside her until it subsided and she was asking to come to me. Dp and dd try and offer her toys/things she can't usually have to distract her but I think it's best to ignore rather than reward with more attention?

OP posts:

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 12/06/2013 14:45

Does anyone else have a LO that stands there screaming with their arms up asking to be picked up, but when you try and pick them up they scream even harder, thrash and fling themselves to the ground? That is DS' speciality.

Berts · 12/06/2013 14:51

Totally agree about ignore rather than reward - with my DD, the more you would try to cajole, comfort or distract, the longer and harder she would tantrum.

The only way to shorten the tantrum is to wait until she is ready to stop, look up and come to me. If I even step in when she has stopped screaming, but before she's ready to look for me herself, the tantrum starts all over again!

FunnysInLaJardin · 12/06/2013 14:57

of course she can. DS1 started tantrumming at about 9 months! He didn't stop really until he was about 3.5!

Thurlow · 12/06/2013 15:02

Hopalong, DD does it the other way around. Wriggles and asks to be put down - put her down, she starts screaming...

Yep, she's been tantruming since about a year. She's pretty good at them now, though she is finally starting to realise that she just gets ignored. At the moment about 5 minutes of ignoring her, then picking up something interesting and going "wow! look at this amazing book!" tends to work quite well.

NotAnotherPackedLunch · 12/06/2013 15:05

Of course they can tantrum at this age.

Think of all the stamina training they need to do to see them through the spectacular toddler tantrums to follow.

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