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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to expect a courtesy phonecall?

23 replies

Feelslikea1sttimer · 12/06/2013 10:52

I have just posted this in teenagers but now think it is better suited to being in here.... Please be nice to me as this is my 1st AIBU post!

Yesterday afternoon, I received a text from school to say that for todays cricket match the children need to leave school at 2pm and parents have to transport as the school minibus is unavailable... Ok, so I arrange this and make changes to my routine to accomodate! At last nights rugby match another parent asks if I can give their child a lift as they are at work which is fine, we help each other out where we can...

So 20 minutes ago, my DS calls me from school to say that he now has detention after school and cannot play in the cricket match (this was for an incident that happened last Thursday and hearing just the one side, doesn't sound like a detention worthy offence!)

My rant is that, school haven't called me to tell me this, are they going to make arrangements to take the other child to the cricket match...? Are they going to inform me before I turn up at school at 2pm to collect both children? As DS should not have called me from his mobile as they are not allowed to use them in school so in their minds there is no way of me knowing this...

So AIBU to at least expect a phonecall from school letting me know of these changes? And should I be a PITA parent and turn up to make my point at 2pm?

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 12/06/2013 10:57

So your biggest convern is not about your son's bahviour, but about how it inconveniences you?

Bejeena · 12/06/2013 10:59

I think you should turn up and cause a bit of a fuss yes. Then am certain they'll let your son go to the cricket match. I am appalled that they punish something unrelated with not being able to play sports and would tell them that in no uncertain manner.

There is no way of you knowing - so you don't know. It is simples.

IHeartKingThistle · 12/06/2013 11:01

He got the detention, down to him to sort it out. That's sort of the point.

It is annoying that it inconveniences you though.

faeriefruitcake · 12/06/2013 11:02

Maybe the school will phone you when they are able to, teachers don't just stop their lessons to ring parents.

MidniteScribbler · 12/06/2013 11:04

Ack, bad speling. Silly ipad. Sorry.

boxoftricks · 12/06/2013 11:08

Surely if hes misbehaving, he should not be allowed to leave school early and play cricket? As a sports team, he is representative of the school, and good basic grades and satisfactory behaviour are often the agreement of 'playing for the school'

Read this
He can't misbehave and still expect to have the nice things!

WeAreEternal · 12/06/2013 11:10

If the school don't phone you keep the plan as intended and if the school refuse to let him out to play in the match complain and insist that they rearrange the detention.

Original poster

Feelslikea1sttimer · 12/06/2013 11:11

Normally I would completey agree, if he's naughty then he deals with it, if he has a detention he walks the 3 mile home as he misses the school bus, I certainly don't make it easy for him..

But the point this time is not his behaviour... The incident in question was a girl threw food at him in the dining hall and he wiped it off his shoe onto her blazer and he got the detention and the girl who threw the food got away with it... (I agree he can be a little bugger sometimes, but on the ocassions that he does get into bother he always tells me the full story regardless whether he is right or wrong so I have no reason to doubt his version of events)

The detention was only handed out today and the incident happened last Thursday, so surely the detention should have been last Thursday not almost a week later...

I did ask him when he called if he had spoken to the PE department about it, and asked him to ask the detention giving teacher to call me...

And I am pissed off that the school hasn't contacted me and that I am inconvenienced by it, as so far this week I have transported mine and others to a cricket match on Monday, a rugby match on Tuesday, agreed to this today and another rugby match tomorrow starting at 5:45. The school asks my child to play, and I am always the 1st one they ask to give kids lifts home when other parents can't make it!!!

I am not sure one phone call is too much to ask!

OP posts:

Tiredmumno1 · 12/06/2013 11:15

Ok, I think I am on the fence, as on one hand they could always just make him do it another day.

However, if he has been told off for something, then he has to take the punishment.

I don't like to see children being punished through exercise though.

Maybe just turn up and see what is said, if they are adamant that he has to do detention, then there will be nothing you can do unfortunately.

Nokidshere · 12/06/2013 11:15

I would be as mad as hell. Regardless of your sons behaviour and subsequent detention they should have let you know having already asked you to change your day to suit their plans.

Our school have no problem calling parents - its not difficult after all. Thats why they employ office staff!!!!

I absolutely hate the way schools seem to think that parents can drop everything and change things at a moments notice.

And Cricket is a team game. The teacher giving the detention might well have just scuppered their chances of winning, or even playing, their match.

Tiredmumno1 · 12/06/2013 11:17

Oh and course they should have rung you.

boxoftricks · 12/06/2013 11:17

Separate the two issues... Yes, it is VERY frustrating that you have only just heard about it till now, it does inconvenience you. A lot. Do after school detentions only happen on a Thursday? Did DS know about it last week, and whilst at school this morning has only just remembered to tell you!?
What DS did would earn him an after school detention at school here. He has defaced another pupils property. Major school rule. That cannot be excused. He should have used a napkin, paper tissue or gone to the loo and sorted it out. Instead he retaliated.
I would however bring up with someone at the school about the girl throwing the food. Maybe it has been dealt with, but the teacher just hasn't broadcasted it, therefore your son doesn't know?

5madthings · 12/06/2013 11:18

I was wondering when the gave put the detention, ie has your son known about it for a few days. But no yanbu if it was handed out today and they knew he (and therefore you) had made arrangements for today's cricket match.

Turn p at school at 2pm.

boxoftricks · 12/06/2013 11:20

nokidshere yes, cricket is a team game. Which is why when he's sitting in detention, instead of playing cricket, he will think about what he could be doing, and how to adapt his behaviour. He has let the team down if he is not allowed to play. Why should he be let off detention, leave school early and play cricket??'

Original poster

Feelslikea1sttimer · 12/06/2013 11:23

boxoftricks that is an interesting article, and believe it or not, I completely agree with it, I have stopped my kids playing in cup finals when they have misbehaved which for them is the end of the world, but if they are grounded then I stick to it...

And your second point I also agree with, when he was in middle school he was a little shit misunderstood, and I did speak to him a lot about not always knowing if other kids had been punished etc, and no the detentions are everyday and it is written in the kids planner for parents to see, so they have advanced warning and there was nothing!

I guess I will have to go up to school anyway as I have promised the other boys parents that I will make sure he gets there safely which if truth be told is the most annoying part, that I will still have to do the running about anyway!!!

OP posts:

claraschu · 12/06/2013 11:26

School is being unnecessarily annoying, IMHO.

5madthings · 12/06/2013 11:27

I know in primary school they have to give advance notice of after school detentions, I am not sure that is the case at high school?

Original poster

Feelslikea1sttimer · 12/06/2013 11:42

School called....

I have compromised with them, he is playing cricket today as I have changed & made arrangements and he is doing an hour long detention tomorrow instead of half an hour today.

They had no way of getting the other child there and realised it was unreasonable to expect me to still drive another child.

He will also miss cricket training tomorrow which means he may not play in the next game which is unlikely as he is loved by the PE department, only ones that do

One day he will learn and think before retaliating.

I think I was fairly reasonable with that compromise!

OP posts:

Original poster

Feelslikea1sttimer · 12/06/2013 11:43

Ooh my 1st AIBU and I came out alive... with some very valid and interesting responses.

Thanks everyone, it helped see both sides :)

OP posts:

Kafri · 12/06/2013 13:05

Is there more to this? We weren't allowed tone given an after school detention on that day, we had to have more notice so we could advise parents.
Did your DS know about the detention before today and forget to say anything?

Not sure I agree with him missing sports for it with all the fuss being made about kids doing more sport (unless the detention is for something he did in PE)

jacks365 · 12/06/2013 13:16

They are allowed to give a detentiin on the same day as long as it is no more than 30 mins, if over they need to give parents 24 hours written notice. You have no idea how much that irritates me when I had two school pick ups to do 8 miles apart and one of the schools used to do that, problem was it was the secondary and they finished before the primary, the first you knew was when your child didn't come out in a reasonable time.

I don't think schools should be able to keep back without prior notice. Yanbu

Original poster

Feelslikea1sttimer · 12/06/2013 13:30

No he hadn't been told about it before today and it was only going to be a 30 minute detention.

The incident happened in the dining hall last week and no detention was given, they normally make a note in planners and then it is up to parents/kids to look at them, but nothing in there!

I don't disagree with him missing sports for a punishment as a rule, it is one of the best ways to make him realise as sport is his life... And he does activities most nights of the week (I actually pray for rain some days so they are cancelled)

I was just really peed off that they expected me to drop everything to give lifts, then changing their mind on the day and not calling me... but they did in the end and got it sorted with a compromise.

I agree though jacks they should have to let us know if they are not coming home on the bus as normal in case people have plans/ would be worried etc...

OP posts:

boxoftricks · 12/06/2013 23:48

Jacks365 The 24hr rule was removed last year/18months ago, if you google about it it comes up in news articles.

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