I'm just 8 months pregnant with DC2. In my last pregnancy, I didn't mind some things before the birth, but this time I've been on bed rest since 22 weeks to stop me having premature labour (I have to say that, because I do wonder if some people think bed rest is a bit of a joke). I am and have been really scared to think of the birth, because it could so easily be followed by weeks sitting with a baby in an incubator, so I've tried to put it to back of my mind. I have told people this too.
So far, I've told my MIL, who I like a lot, that I don't want to see any baby clothes (hand me downs that she's going to bring over from my SIL) until the baby is born. She said she totally understood. Next visit, which is an 8 hour journey away, so she has to pack them in a suitcase, taking up room for her own things, she tells me, "Ooops [giggle], I made a little mistake and I brought some clothes with me. Just some pyjamas and..". I interrupted her and said I couldn't talk about it, but to leave them in her room. I don't think I thanked her, because I had started to shake and didn't want want to make a huge deal out of it and hurried to calm myself and change the subject. DH took them to his office, because I was still shaking at the thought of these clothes being up there when he got home.
Tonight, my mother (who I get along with less well than MIL) told me that she's sent me some things for the new baby. I have told her that I don't want gifts until after the birth. I told her that I won't open them until after the baby is born, after she said I could open them now. In fact, I can barely write this without wanting to cry, because it brings back this awful feeling of dread.
Is this me just being hormonal? I feel - because of medical advice - that I need to focus on keeping baby inside, and having gifts etc will be great once we're there, but it's not a straightforward situation for me. It's stressful to wonder if a contraction is the start of labour, or just BH, or to worry about doing something I shouldn't (now on modified bed rest, so can move around) in case it starts labour. Labour no longer comes with "at least there's a baby at the end of it", it means that a little person will be born who will spend their first few weeks in an incubator and could have long lasting health problems, all because of something I did.
AIBU to be so scared about this (even though I know time is passing and modern medicine can do a lot) to the point where I just don't want gifts until after the birth? Especially if I've told people? Should add that I haven't been buying anything for baby either, so if you visited the house, you wouldn't know that a baby could be arriving any time now.