to have lost motivation for housework?

[GenuineBrunetteRoots]

Because no one else in the house lifts a finger, and not only that, they create mess, enough mess so that the house needs a thorough spring clean almost every day?

I am fed up with it.

DH works full time. I work part time from home but this often translates into full time if you count the hours I put in in the evenings too. As I am (theoretically) part time I don't mind doing the bulk of the housework.

However I am getting very resentful that after each meal, everyone just dumps their plate on the worktop and walks off. I am getting resentful that no one else ever puts a scrap of washing into the wash basket. I am getting resentful that the sinks and toilets are left in such a filthy state each day.

I wouldn't mind doing the housework if once a job was done, it was then over and done with for several days, but that's not the case. Each morning we wake up and the house looks like it hasn't been cleaned or tidied in months.

Then I get moaned at by DH when things are less than tidy and clean. I am fed up.

How much spare time do you have? How much spare time does your DH have? Do you both sit down at the same time in the evening or is he unwinding in front of the tv whilst you carry on working.

DH slipped into a pattern of sitting down after dinner and ignoring the other jobs and I told him in no uncertain terms that it was not acceptable that one person had time to relax whilst the other was still working, in fairness to him he got the message.

I agree with the zero tolerance regimes suggested. Don't clear your plate then no cooking. Washing not in the basket gets ignored. Anything left on the floor at the end of the evening gets binned.

And get a takeaway for yourself and the two youngest tonight - you will need something to eat....

I'm going to remember that binning one. That could come in very handy. And is less 'in your face' than the padlocks I ended up using...

The phrasing is excellent, too. "As you don't seem to respect my time and effort, why should I respect your belongings?"

LOVE IT!

As Sun Tzu said
'To secures ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself.'

If they wont contribute, they they get no say in what they eat.
Make vegetable soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner, every day, until you have their attention.
Trust me, they wont starve, but they wont be happy either.

Then tell them you have to put all your effort into cleaning up after them, so you have no energy to cook other meals. If they help out, they get an array of meals again.

You have two options

1. employ a cleaner.
2. go on strike until they change their ways.

Given his reluctance to see this as a shared responsibility and as long as you continue doing nothing will change.

Go on strike. Cut off treats, pocket money and privileges (tv, phone etc). Wrt husband you need to be very clear in explaining how much you work. If he wants a cleaner/ housekeeper and childminder thrown into the mix he damn well ought to pay for one. This sort of thing really frustrates me after being raised by very strict parents who had a list of chores for us to complete before we could do anything we wanted. Yes it was annoying but it taught me a great deal in terms of respecting everyone who had to live in my household. Even your 4&6 year old should know that they need to tidy up their toys/make their beds/pick up their dirty clothes.

I get so fed up of it too. The endless picking up of OTHER PEOPLE'S shit. It really angers me. Why does the shirt go on the floor, why the underpants?

Then I think how it must piss my husband off getting up at the crack of dawn to travel 1.5 hours to work.....I definitely get time each day to chill.

I know I have the better deal....although I'm sitting on a full washing machine with a glass of wine....:)

YOU are such an idiot to put up with all that shit!

THEY don't have a problem with how things are.

YOU do.

The problem - and the solution - lies not with them but with yourself.

Duh!

I wonder if Sun Tzu's wife had a cleaner. Or whether he pulled his weight.

well the housework is tiring, so you are to tired to do anything that makes his life nicer. or you do not have time. when he sits down, you sit down. I suggest you wash plates for youself and 2 younger children just before you need them. nothing gets washed if it is not in the laundry basket. younger children help do the sorting/loading. if you tidy stuff because you want space, it goes in their rooms, on their bed, next to the bed in aa heap for them to deal with, or preferably in one big box somewhere where they have to sort through it themselves.

hatever happens, they have to feel the consequences of their inactions.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - this kind of behaviour kills a marriage. It kills sexual attraction and breeds resentment. He needs it laying on the line that treating you like a servant and skivvy will have a permanently damaging affect on your marriage. There is a truth in the rather flippant saying that foreplay starts at the kitchen sink....Just stop. Laundry only gets done if it's in the washing bin, only do your own washing up if the rest can't be arsed to scrape scraps into the bin, don't put other peoples things away and if they lose them - so what? Yes, the house will be a tip for a while but if you don't hold your ground you may as well get a 'welcome' tattooed across your chest.

I'm really cross this morning, because of two things:

Firstly I have a basket in mine and DH's room which has all my make up and skincare stuff in, my hairbrush, and other bits and pieces I use on a daily basis. My middle child kept losing her hair elastics so I bought a big pack of them the other day in Asda and put them in there in one corner in a big heap so that I would be able to find one instantly in the mornings. Well, it looks like DH has scrapped through my basket to find the vaseline and he has literally scattered the elastics everywhere, so this morning I had to empty the whole basket out to find them. I know it sounds petty but it's just so inconsiderate. He sees anything to do with the children as my 'job' and he really doesn't give any consideration to whether he makes my job easier, or harder, or really give a shit about it at all, as long as he's ok.

Also he unloaded a dozen items from the dishwasher last night, and they are all over the draining board rather than put away; things like chopping boards were over the sink so I had to move them this morning before I could use the sink. Yesterday I cleaned the sink thoroughly and all that was on the draining board was one drinks bottle that belongs to my youngest child. now it just looks like a rubbish dump. Again, a small thing, but all the small things and hinderances add up and make things harder and all add an extra 5 minutes here and there to the morning routine, and it's all picking up the slack from him!

I didn't do the dinner thing last night as I was hungry, as were the kids, but I am going to have a long hard think about where I can go from here, using suggestions that you have all given me.

really sorry you're going through this. this morning's incidents are just rude - would ehe behave like that at work? bet he wouldn't! It's one thing doing the bulk of the housework but another only having jobs to do because he creates them. what a twat! if he uses the 'but it'll only take you a couple of minutes line' answer 'exactly, so why didn't you do it yourself?' he is treating you with contempt.

OP, last night you should have made yourself and the youngest child something simple to eat. The 7 year old could have moaned he/she was hungry for a little while - you could explain that you have not cooked because no one ever cleans anything up and you are not their slave. After letting the 7 year feel hungry for a couple of hours, thinking their was no dinner, and understanding why, you could have made him/her something simple to eat like beans on toast with a warning that you will not cook at all in the future if they do not start helping to clean up. He/She is old enough to understand.

The 15 year old and your H could go and whistle!

When they understand what happens when you stop doing all the work around the house, perhaps they will start to appreciate it.

With regards your H, I think I would have lost the plot at him by now, disrespectful pig that he is being.

OP, when I was a child, I visited a friend whose dad was in the process of explaining about chores to his lad. He said : "my son if your mum asks you to do anything, say yes but do it badly, she will never ask again". Your DH performance makes me think of this episode.

What said the best retort I got to this was from MN, someone said: "if they d it badly, it means they need more training so get them to do more."

Good luck.

Sorry, I never got a chance to come back yesterday, but other posters have said everything I was going to say anyway.

Do keep us updated - and very best of luck!

Do you talk to each other? Sorry to sound sarcastic but if DH had done the weird shit with the dishwasher, I would have said, "what on earth is this?" It is just completely bizarre to unpack the dishwasher all over the kitchen.

I'm glad to see this thread as I was just about to start an AIBU to get my DH his own laundry basket and put a box beside the bed for his stuff. He doesn't do any washing (unless he has something he needs to wear the next day) and he irons a single outfit of clothes for himself every morning. I'm left to do all the rest of the washing and ironing but I find ironing really difficult at the moment as DS3 is six months old. Don't get me wrong I try to keep up with it but sometimes I can't get it done. So I was thinking if he won't do any washing and will only iron his own clothes then he could do all his own laundry. Maybe that would work for your DH as well OP?

And what is it with leaving his stuff lying around everywhere? I swear he scatters things randomly. He left his guitar tuner on the kitchen worktop for over a week, eventually I put it in the corner of the kitchen with a pile of his other 'strewn' possessions and then he was angry when he couldn't find it where he left it. Honestly I spend more time clearing up after him than I do after the DSs.

He thinks that he's great because he makes dinner half the time and attempts to clear up the kitchen afterwards. He also does all the gardening. But I don't mind doing the bulk of the housework, I just think it wouldn't hurt him to push the vacuum round once in a while, do a load of ironing or pick up after himself.

Sorry for hijacking your thread OP! I think I needed to get that off my chest.