to think that we might be able to help each other out?

[marzipanned]

First off I really don't want this post to be patronising or smug, so please don't read it like that.

A while ago while searching for something else I came across this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/a1470502-You-know-youre-truly-skint-when

It got me thinking... I know I could afford to help a family out with a food shop once a month; there must be others on here who are in the same position?

What if a family who is in need of a bit of extra cash right now could be matched up with a family who have plenty going spare? I really wouldn't want this to make anyone feel ashamed or for it to be anything like that dreadful 'how the other half live' show... I suppose I just wanted to do something to help.

So let me know - would you be willing to give or receive? If not food then it could be something like - one person needs age 5 clothes, another is getting rid of a whole bunch. I just thought the food would be easy because we could do online shops for each other. It could be anything from a one off to a commitment for a year of monthly shops.

Oh, and sorry if this has been done before. And I really don't mean to offend anyone.

I think you sound a very nice person. Contact your local Salvation Army branch and am sure they can advise you.

This is a really, really lovely idea.

But I can't see how it would work. It would be so open to abuse, and accusations of abuse, that the whole thing would be disastrous.

I really think MN works best when people dont' use it as their own personal begging bowl.

I hope that doesn't offend you, it's a lovely thought and I really do wish it could work, but I've seen this sort of thing go so tits up over the years.

I think it would be open to abuse.
You could donate food to a food bank or something which would still help others.

No, it doesn't offend me - thank you for your insight from experience, and the points you make are absolutely right.

I do donate to my local food bank, but it's overflowing - I will contact the SA though. Thanks :)

I agree with Eleanor. There are sometimes people who come along saying they are too skint too feed their kids, haven't got any money for the gas/electric or their benefits haven't been paid, there is a paypal whip round organised and within weeks they are buying a new car, going on holiday or something.

I can see why you want to do what you are suggesting, but it is way to open to abuse IMO.

I think it could kind of work in a freecycle style way, but it would have to work on trust. Unless an official body got involved, that you had to prove you were low income / in need to get a password from them to ask for items.
And only allow people without the password to offer and not receive. But people with the password can offer and accept (to enable them to pass on any clothes they no longer need etc).
That would be a lot of work for admin staff and I am not sure anyone would be able to run it.
As it stands I offer things on freecycle such as clothes the kids have grown out of, and I was very greatful to the lady who gave me her kids old uniforms when money was very tight.

Lovely idea marzipanned but I agree it's open to all kinds of scams unfortunately.

Your local sure start would also be a route, esp with all cuts they are recieving.

I think it's a lovely idea too but I agree with the others that it just wouldn't work on here as it would be open to abuse.

I am extra wary about this kind of thing as I have donated twice to collections on other forums for 'skint members'. One was for a woman who claimed not to be able to afford Xmas presents for her children. A collection was held and she got £200+, but then it turned out they had had xmas dinner in a posh restaurant, and the mum went on a lavish spending spree in the sales.

The other was a woman who had no money for food for her and her DD. Again, a collection was done and she too got over £200. Then held a lavish birthday party for her DD a week later and got her a DS, a bike, an ipad and various other expensive gifts.

Ouch Genuine. I guess I'm a bit naïve - horrified that people would do something like that.

Thanks for the sure start idea squid.

To do this, I think there might be a requirement that mumsnet became a registered charity. Which, to be fair to them, they've not set up as and the regulation compliance etc would no doubt take a fair bit out if their profits

Further, I do think charity works best where there is a face to face element. Not necessarily by the givers but certainly by the facilitators to try and ensure there is no abuse. It's just too easy to pretend to be someone online that you're not

Further, from a purely selfish basis, I still shudder recalling some of the bunfights over the MN Christmas appeal. It's certainly better now that MN are administering it. However, the thought of similar type threads going on all year round is not very pleasant

Finally, I'm sorry to say, some people are very good at putting their hands up. Others less so. So I'd be concerned it would be the same old familiars benefitting from this. Not to say they shouldn't, but self-referral (which is essentially how this would work) does mean that some of the most needy miss out. Again, this is why a food bank/Salvation Army donation is much better as there can be referrals there from third parties such as health visitors etc

Nice idea but many people take the piss.

Its the same shit on here every year tbh.

Ooh im so poor, no food yadda yadda. 2 weeks later, new car or the kids all had laptops for xmas. Farcical.

YANBU marzipanned

I have often read threads on here and on other forums and felt the same. Although I have spent most of my life in poverty I now live quite comfortably and want for nothing. It genuinely pains me when I read that some people are too poor to even buy their kids food and if they were in front of me I'd gladly take them shopping to tide them over. Either that or I'd happily send off stuff that has been intended for charity or the local hospice.

I also wanted to set up a Network Neighbourhood where people would do jobs for each other for free but as others have said, it's all way too open to abuse .

I think these things could work in smaller circles but am not sure it's a scalable venture.

I'd rather give to a charity because of the risks people mention above. I don't mind passing on things like children's clothing to people to be used again, but I wouldn't offer food or money directly to people.

It would also depend on your definition of low income. What is considered higher income to those in the uk would be considered low income in Jersey.

We had friends over at the weekend and we got talking about this very thing... both families (us and them (DF)) give away the DC's old clothes, shoes, toys to people we know struggle a little and have done for many years.

DS's stuff goes to a child we know with incontinence issues, he is a size or two smaller than DS and this offers his parents a few more outfits as things often become spoiled.
DD1's things often go to DF's little girl and then get passed on again.
DD2's clothes go to a local single mum who struggles.

This does not cost me anything and I would only have sent them to the charity shop anyway.

However, DF gives all her DD's outgrown clothes, shoes etc to a little girl who goes to nursery with her DD, they met at mothers and toddlers. They are six months apart in age but a clear size apart. The problem is this woman's circumstances have changed, she is no longer a single mum, she now works and they afford to smoke, drive a new car and have nice holidays, but she still expects the clothes and often comments along the lines of 'oh I love your DD's converse, my DD will look so cute in them' or 'Next's stuff is lovely this season, I am so lucky your DD outgrows things so fast'.
It has left friend feeling taken advantage of and unsure of how to stop it without causing upset as the girls will go to school together soon.

Techno I love the idea of a Network Neighbourhood - I think you might be right about the scalability though. Although I have a feeling something like that exists in London - not sure what it's called but I remember reading about a 'skills swap' type of thing a while ago.

OhTheConfusion yes I can see exactly why your friend feels taken advantage of. I am sure I would too. It's never pleasant to feel as though your help is taken for granted.

Thanks for the great charity suggestions on here and by PM. I do volunteer with a couple of local charities but am always keen to find out more ways I can help.

I am a bit sceptical of some large charities because of the amount of fundraising bumpf I have received after donating, which I'm sure has been greater than the amount of my original donation!

Confusion, she should tell the mum she is hard up for money now and is in future going to sell her DD's clothes on Ebay.

Third parties providing is always a good way to go, I remember as a child we got food hampers from the rotary club (at the time they where a god send - always contained trifle sponges which where divine with powder custard). My family where very thankful but my father would never have been able to take them if they where handed by the person giving, his pride would of stood in his way.

Genuine, your suggestion beats my DH's... 'just say no'. I think he has secretly became an MN'r!

I used to process applications and answer phones for a charity for needy children, and I was shocked at how ruthless some people can be - trying to claim for children who turned out not to exist, one woman claimed through her address and also her mothers address, many would apply for the maximum they could, in terms of number of items and value of items, regardless of the actual needs of their children, and some would act like sullen teenagers demanding things from their parents.

One woman called me every name under the sun when she called a few months after her last claim and reeled off items like she was reading a shopping list, she wanted a double bed for herself and a few other things. I told her we didn't provide items for the parents specifically, and she went nuts 'Oh! I'm not entitled to have a bed to sleep in?' I was shocked that she had no gratitude for the help she'd had, she felt entitled to it.

I wasn't cut out to deal with it, I didn't last long in that job! But it was a real eye-opener. I could tell you far worse things too, but I'm kind of sailing close to the wind already, so

I don't think encouraging to give money would work. Because ime those who really need it are often embarrassed to admit it, and if money was being given away they it would attract very quickly people just after money.

I'm a bit doubtful whether giving away even things like bags of clothes are ideal on the internet. I hear things like freecycle are full of people taking to sell on and I suspect that would be the case just as much here.

I think encouraging to pass on stuff in our communities is great.
As Oh the Confusion says, you know their situation and know they are greatful. I pass a lot of stuff on that way.

But I'd advise OhtheC's friend to find that her dd isn't perhaps growing quite quick enough, as you get older, often one size may well do into the next year.

i love the idea, but liek iothers have said i it just wouldnt work.. online that is. its something that you could implemant in your own home town.

i also love the idea of job swop, painting/ plumming/ even just putting carpet down can be just as expensive as buying the stuff. or i f you cant paint due to disability etc. or putting up shelves. i love the idea that you can offer your time that would really helps other outs.
that could work for a facebook page for your local area.