My BIL stinks. I have always found this really difficult to be around, and dread him coming to stay. He doesn't really wash his clothes and always wears the same fleece, and I'm not convinced he washes himself much.
He comes from a family (ie my husband's family) where things are just never ever talked about. The whole family just colludes in shutting off from facing anything awkward and instead gets on with discussing trains.
I think my BIL has undiagnosed Aspergers. He really struggles to function as an adult in the world, doesn't have any friends, has never had a partner, is unable or unwilling to read social cues, has narrow near-obsessive interests in trains, can't tolerate new situations etc.
BIL and FIL are staying with us now for a couple of days. (MIL died a few years ago). FIL approached me and started talking about his son's smell. I was amazed! He said he was sick of it and sick of pleading with him to address it. My husband has confronted him too, and I know my MIL used to confront him regularly when she was alive, all to no avail. FIL wants me to speak to BIL as I'm an outsider and he might listen to me. He says he's desperate. Husband later collared me and said don't do it, because BIL once took an overdose as a teenager.
I haven't done it (yet). I'm not sure what to do. In an ideal world, I think BIL would have some professional intervention and support re Aspergers, because he's clearly not happy and can't really manage to function as an independent adult, even though he's 40. But one thing I do know is that there's NO WAY he would engage with any professionals. He'd be too terrified. Just trust me on this. I honestly think his only wish is to be left alone to think about trains, which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that his problems (eg financial, self-care) DO impact on others.
So now I'm not sure what to do. The smell is part of a bigger picture, and there's no way BIL will cope with the bigger picture being addressed.