to not get why people write to dead people on facebook

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I don't get it

A friend of mine died a couple of years ago and a group was set up so people could swap stories and pics, I get that, but why write 'miss you X' etc

[MrsLyman]

Really OP? I actually find it hard to believe that there are people with so little capacity for empathy that they are incapable of 'getting' why people do this.

[FirstStopCafe]

I write to my daughter. I express my love for her and grief for how much I miss her. My FB is full of my friends posting about their children and all their achievements. Believe me, I would rather be doing that for dd but I can't.

I am desperate to talk to her, desperate for her to knowhow I feel and desperate for my friends to remember and think of her too.

You do not need to get it, you just need to show some compassion for your friends who do this as a means to try and cope with their grief

[Tigerbomb]

I write to my DExh, the kids write to their dad. We don't have an actual physical place to go to.... no grave. His facebook page is his memorial. His friends also write on there - it brings us comfort, a small piece of calm amongst the desperate need to talk to him

[Mixxy]

Oh Firststop.

[redexpat]

I don't get it either OP. I don't have anything against it. Just don't get it. But I don't have the same experience as others on this thread. At least, not yet ...

[AuntieMaggie]

We lost our beautiful friend two weeks ago in tragic circumstances that made the news. It gives us a way to connect with those that knew her and also have lovely memories and its touching to see how many people take the time to post.

What is shit is the people which speculate and gossip on there that didn't know her.

[infamouspoo]

Its the same as lighting a memorial candle, only online. An acknowldegment that your loved one existed. I light a candle on the anniversary of my dad's death even though its been 24 years. Writing on fb is a way of sharing your loved one with friends and talking about them.
Surprised you cant see this OP

[mumof2teenboys]

We use my sons FB as a way of connecting with his friends, we comfort each other, we remember funny/good things about James.

I tell him how much I love and miss him because that is the only way I have to do it. When I look at his page, I see his photos, I see him laughing and happy and alive.

I will never see him again, I use FB to remind me that he was happy and enjoyed his life once before his shitty, vile illness took him away from us.

You don't have to 'get' it. You just have to let people do what is right for them. You have no right to decide what is or isn't correct.

[TrinityRhino]

well Im glad Im strong enough now to not care about whether you think I'm odd. I have a good number of mners on my facebook and they seem to 'get it' so I will continue to post pictures of Cliff or Neil if I feel like it.

its a way for me to talk about him without having to say much iyswim

also to share our happy memories with people who care about me

not sure why Im posting tbh

[TrinityRhino]

I agree with you everlong.

[expatinscotland]

We should just forget all about all dead people .

[Cherriesarelovely]

I don't get why you don't get it OP! It is a way of expressing feelings, of remembering and of celebrating that person's life. I do the same with my Grandma's picture. I talk to the photo and I take her down off the shelf so that she can sit next to me and watch "Downton Abbey"!

I am supporting a charity on fb which is run by the parents of a little girl who died in an accident. They post every day and I think it is wonderful that they have a way of expressing their feelings and getting support. I also think that sharing their feelings probably helps others in a similar situation.

[Pigsmummy]

Are you new to MN? Because this thread has been done many times before. Now people who are already suffering from grief are now feeling that they have to defend themselves too.

YABU

[Pagwatch]

FWIW I don't think the OP intended to distress anyone.
I think she was talking about an abstract concept without thinking through that she might upset people who are grieving.

I was staggered by how much Facebook , about which I am usually really pissy, helped when my sister died recently.

My family are spread around the country. We shared stories, songs, photos. To suddenly switch to the past tense is just sometimes to hard. My niece posts to her mum. It is lovely actually.

For some of us grief is only eased a bit by being around those who are in someway sharing our loss. Facebook let's you do that a little. And sometimes you want to say all those things you should have said before you lost them.

[sweetsummerlove]

I find it odd when their personal pages are kept going, so they are 'taggable'

but a close friend died suddenly recently, it shocked the community and a fb group was set up. Messages and help came flowing in. It was heart warming to see, I have myself written to her. I've never considered if it was odd before, but it helps me when I need to write.

[VulvaVoom]

My lovely friend/cousin died 2 years ago and her 21 year old son has just put a series of pictures of her on FB, saying he doesn't want people to forget her.

That's his right as her son, you don't like it, that's your prerogative but a) this thread has been done before and really pissed me off then and b) why start a thread like this, just why?

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

I wish my Mum a happy birthday on Facebook every year, she died 13 years ago. I do it as I can't say it to her, I can't spoil her with days out or lavish gifts.
I want to wish her a happy birthday just like my friends do with their living family.
I doubt most of my friends mind as they knew my Mum and miss her too, and I also have friends who do the same (some have lost their Mum / Dad and sadly we are not that old, only in our 20's)and mark their parents birthday that way.
If they do mind they can feel free to ignore, or unfriend me.

[axure]

I can see what you mean OP. I think in recent years it's become more commonplace to grieve openly, even for someone you may not have known personally; Princess Di, Amy Winehouse etc. I think grief is s private matter, it goes without saying that if you've lost someome you loved dearly that you will think about them every day and have conversations with them in your head, I don't know why some people want to do this publicly, but that's just me. Will get ripped to shreds here but I think that some people do it to gain a bit of attention and sympathy.

[Pagwatch]

God I hate 'awaits flaming' type comments.

Why on earth would it be bad for someone to be seeking attention or sympathy when someone they know has died?
I wish more people would seek out sympathy when they need it.

[axure]

pagwatch just saying I know what OP means, no need to be so chippy about "awaits flaming". I don't agree that you should go seeking sympathy, people who care about you will offer it freely, do you really have to keep reminding everyone that you're grieving?

[SauvignonBlanche]

YABU OP, everyone experiences grief differently and we should respect that.