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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with dd for taking my make up and giving it away as a present

41 replies

dingit · 10/06/2013 19:20

It was only one of the boots sets you get with other purchases, but I would have used the mascara at least. It was while we were on holiday and she needed a birthday present for a girl at school, who hardly has anything to do with her!

OP posts:

SgtTJCalhoun · 10/06/2013 19:50

Do none of you remember the stress of being a teenager? The ups and downs, trying to survive socially and how unpleasant your peers could be? I certainly do. She obviously felt she needed to do this, she sounds like she's under a lot of stress. I would be having a chat about that, not ranting and docking pocket money over a poxy free make up kit that you admit you would only have used one bit of anyway.

Perseis · 10/06/2013 19:53

Yes I absolutely remember being 14, I was horribly bullied and would have done anything (within reason) to be popular to make it stop. But it didn't make me resort to stealing from my parents. It's the principle of the thing.

Original poster

dingit · 10/06/2013 19:56

She knows damn well she should have asked. I have not ranted, just expressed how pissed off I am. Doesn't make any difference whether it was free or not. It wasn't hers to take.

OP posts:

SgtTJCalhoun · 10/06/2013 19:59

No, it wasn't, but I think treating your dd like you like her and are confused about why she did it will get you further than the rants of "dishonesty" and thieving on this thread.

Original poster

dingit · 10/06/2013 20:04

As I said, I will discuss with DH, but she is treading on thin bloody ice. If her attitude doesn't improve post exams, that's when privileges will go, taking her laptop will hit where it hurts. It will stop all the clever chat with her pals, and hopefully the nice dd will return!

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 10/06/2013 20:10

She sounds like a typical teenager to me, it may be a while before the 'nice' dd returns.

Original poster

dingit · 10/06/2013 20:12

Ladybeagleeyes, that's what I'm worried about!

OP posts:

SgtTJCalhoun · 10/06/2013 20:13

So she's in the middle of sitting GCSE'S and you are pissed off about what is essentially a missing mascara that you may have used sometime in the future? Tell her she has to replace it and in future ask, then leave it at that.

My parents used to overreact about everything when I was a teenage so I stopped telling them anything. Our relationship has never really recovered.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 10/06/2013 20:16

I really think you should lay off her tbh. Being a teenager is shit. Sounds like you have really high expectatons.

If your expectations are perceived to be unreachable she will give up.

SgtTJCalhoun · 10/06/2013 20:17

Exactly wannabe. I know that from personal experience.

JeanPaget · 10/06/2013 20:21

I agree with Wannabe and SgtCalhoun. You sound remarkably unconcerned with what's really bothering your daughter. It sounds like she may be having some friendship issues at school, and that can be really tough at her age, especially with the pressure of exams at well.

Ultimately a mascara you weren't using isn't more important than developing an open, supportive relationship with your daughter.

Original poster

dingit · 10/06/2013 20:22

I was a teenager too, and I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that to my mother! No worries ladies, I will leave it be, but I hope she knows she was wrong! I'm sure there are teens far worse!

OP posts:

ShabbyButNotChic · 10/06/2013 20:50

I dont think its about the value of the item at all, its about the fact that she feels entitled to help herself to thing that aren't hers. I would be checking there was no bullying/intimidation going on, just in case. Really surprised that people think its ok to be honest! I would never have gone in my mums room without permission let alone her drawers! We were brought up to believe that bedrooms were private, and you didnt go in without an invite. This works both ways, so my parents didnt come in my room without knocking etc. maybe i was brought up stricter than i realise!

debbie1412 · 10/06/2013 21:36

I'd be annoyed she could of phoned you and asked. And I have tuns of unopened will be opened gift sets at home that I wouldn't take with me on a hol x

valiumredhead · 10/06/2013 21:57

I agree shabby!

MammaTJ · 10/06/2013 22:03

You know not to leave her her key next tiime you go away, don't you. Make sure you tell her why! She abused your trust and took your stuff. It is irrelevant that you would probably only use the mascara, it was yours. If she had asked, and it had been for somebody you would happily allow her to give a gift to, then you would have probably said yes. She knew you would not allow her to give a gift to this girl, so she did it sneakily.

The next few years may well be hard, but she will return to being your lovely DD in a very few years. Count to 10 many many times!!

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