Gaming - what are your rules are mine UR?

[Gossipmonster]

DS1 is 15 (nearly 16). He has a DS, a Wii (this is the family Wii not solely his), and an X-box he shares with his brother. He would also watch TV until the cows came home if he was allowed.

The X-box seems to be becoming my nemesis and a Christmas gift I am regretting - both boys are obsessed with the bloody thing.

I try to limit both boys to an hour a day of x-box and they watch TV on top of this. I am not here when all 3 DC get home from school so this is hard to police. DD spends hardly any time "gaming" and spends time socialising with her friends although a lot of time on FB but I am her friend and do monitor it.

DS is in yr 10 and not achieving as well as he should at school. I worry he has no aspirations and I worry that he will struggle with crap qualifications and end up in a job which will not fufill him. We generally have a good, loving relationship (and I work with teenagers so am very familiar with the species).

His main concern seems to be that he isn't allowed to play 18+ games. He says "all" his friends are which I know is an exaggeration but I do know that a lot of them are. If he goes to their houses I know he is playing COD etc.

When the weather is sunny he doesn't seem to want to go outside and meet his mates and he shows no interest in joining clubs/having a hobby.

This morning we had another row about his attitude and he wanted to go to his mates after school (who he also stayed over with at the weekend) I said no as I wanted him to come home and revise for his Science GCSE retake. I then said why don't you invite your friends here more often and basically he won't because he can't play 18 games . I got really angry and he was crying in the car on the way to school and I felt shit - he NEVER cries.

I want him to feel he can have his mates round but he won't invite them over because of this 1 main issue.

While I am not prepared to cave on this (the more he goes on about it the more I dig my heels in) I feel really sad that he doesn't go out and DO something or have his mates over - this seems to be getting ridiculous and I am at a loss at what to do.

AIBU? WWYD?

I have younger dc but I guess my question to you would be do you let him watch 18 rated films? Ever? If so the yabu not letting him play 18 games. If you don't let him watch them then hold your ground. Fwiw my 9 yr old dd says all her mates at school play black ops and cod and I quite believe that many of them do! At your sons age I think I would rather they played an 18 game than watched an 18 film though. You may need to cave in soon when he gets to 16 and starts getting a bit older else he will not want to spend any time at home.

I wouldn't compromise on the studying time though, tell hm when he starts acting more mature and putting the effort into his studies and getting better grades then you will let him play cod. But you will have to mean it

I think if he were mine I would be having a pretty sharp word that if that is the only thing they can think of doing when they come round then they must be pretty boring! Although, I would possibly allow at least one 18 game through - at 16 I think it's ok (yes I get the rating is there for a reason...)

I love playing games. I like 18 games but don't like the hyper-realistic ones like COD. I prefer the ones where you're shooting aliens or monsters.

Why don't you buy an xbox magazine or something, see what is out there for yourself and then make a decision? If you do decide to allow him one, make sure the parental controls are on for the littles.

He doesn't watch 18 films no.

I have said that he is only 15 to which he replied "I am nearly an adult!".

I have told him he needs to behave more maturely to be able to play COD etc and I was going to buy it for him for his 16th bday but I worry that this is going to make him want to spend even more time on the blasted thing- I also feel like I am allowing him to manipulate me.

I think the bday present is a good idea, perhaps put a post it note on it saying restricted to an hour a day but increases to two hours if you manage to get your grades up!

I have a 15 year old and a 17 year old they both play 18 games and have for a while.
Others might not agree but i think as long as a child is sensible and has no issues with aggression/behavior i dont think 18 games are an evil to be avoided.

I am married to a gamer and bloody hell it was annoying at first. I had to set a grown man a bloody Rota!

You need to get on top of it.

He is in year 10 and crying like this over games? He is probably crying because he is ashamed to admit his priorities are messed up.

He is failing
It's his future
It's a fucking game

Ps I also play games (world of warcraft) but you need to be sensible about these things and not let him manipulate you into getting more games when he cant even revise for one exam without a battle

He wasn't crying over the game he was crying because I told him how disappointed I feel with him atm.

I have the added issue of being in charge if esafety with the young people at work which increases my dilemma .

The crying probably has nothing to do with gaming. Year 10 are in the middle of their mocks at the moment and he is probably just stressed. I know my 15 year old has been in a foul mood this afternoon as it was mock chemistry this morning.

gossipmonster you have my total sympathy, I'm amazed that you've managed to get your son almost to his 16th birthday without caving in about cod! My DS is only nine and had an xbox for Christmas and apparently I'm the worst mother in the world (not you) because I won't let him buy cod or any of the the other aged 18 games. He nags me constantly but there's no way that I'm allowing it. I think that amongst boys of your nearly all of them do have the 18yr games and they all join up and play on xbox live so I can understand why he feels a bit left out, that said I think the games are terrible so I completely understand your reluctance to give in - good luck.

Meant to say boys of your sons age!

Tbh at his age I would have thought he'd be playing some 18 games. he probably does feel friends will laugh etc. obviously your house your rules,but I think yabu

If you're serious about limiting the amount of time he spends using the Xbox have you set up the parental controls? You can set daily and weekly limits for the amount of time allowed, and put limits on the ratings played and online access.
support.xbox.com/en-GB/billing-and-subscriptions/parental-controls/xbox-live-parental-control?icid=furl_familysettings

At 15 I would let him play the 18rated games. He will be playing them at his mates houses anyway.

the xbox is satan in disguise - just shake it to fuck up the laser and it gets the ring of death. Problem sorted

I think at 15 i would allow them to play 18 rated games.

Why don't you want him playing these games.

I'd allow him to play the game. However, I'd use it as an incentive to study, which means that he has to get a certain amount of study in and then can have so long on the game as a reward. Have to say, a fair few lads his age do hole themselves up in their rooms to fester. I have two boys who did/do and one who doesn't so much, whilst my DD is more sociable. My eldest is now 20 is socialises well.

my son was playing 18 games by 15years, not really my choice but my ex is a gamer and let him, I think it depends on the game really, If all his friends have cod he's playing it anyway so if you have it home at least you can monitor it. As to gaming rules, I never really had any as long as he was doing well at school, one his chores he could play as much as he wanted. He has xbox in his room drives me mad all that noise but is 19 now and will play for a whole weekend when a new game comes out but them not play for ages.
My DD is not really into to gaming, just facebook and bloody BBM...

My DS's xbox has been confiscated for a month, since I caught him playing COD which had been smuggled in by a mate!
It's confiscated until the summer holidays and then will have to be kept downstairs as I can't trust him. He feels that my unreasonableness over the age limit is greater than his unreasonableness over the deceit, so we are in stalemate and I know he can't be trusted to have the bloody xbox in his room!
Mine is only 13. The xbox is his, bought with his xmas / birthday money. General rules are -only a couple of hours on a weekend and in school holidays. Never allowed on a sunny day (luckily he plays out a lot in the summer so this is no problem) and only once homework is done.
Absolutely no 18 games for now, but I may cave in by 15, depending on his maturity...

(Where I live, most 10 year olds have COD and other 18+ games and I know I am the victim of much eye-rolling from a lot of parents who find my rules way OTT!)

Oh goodness - what's BBM? I'm reading this thread with trepidation as I have a 12 year old DS already 'addicted' to PS2 and Minecraft to the exclusion of other activities where possible .

It's a matter of finding a balance between constantly nagging and keeping on their back to get them to concentrate on schoolwork without stressing them out too much and also keep a relationship going where you're not completely alienating them.. It's a very hard balance at times. It sounds like you are doing okay OP as you generally do have a good relationship with him. At the end of the day, if he does badly in GCSEs he can re-sit. Not ideal maybe, but not the end of the world either.