To be shocked by the use of this word

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

My MIL was just telling me what she got up to at weekend and apparently she bumped into someone out with their 'Mongol' daughter or 'whatever I like to call them' I have pulled her up on this before when she told me the story of when her DD had mumps and everyone who looked into the pram felt sorry for her as they thought she had a Mongol daughter. Now I appreciate times have changed and certain words used to be acceptable but surely I have the right to insist they are not used around my children??

Very good points ComposHat, I know my MIL is not a hateful person so I'll think of a better way to talk to her about modifying her language in front of the dcs

Okay, I don't object, I'm just interested why people do this. I'm quite interested in the use of language and wondered why in a discussion about these very terms, people feel merely typing the words out as distatseful.

I think the context and intent are important, calling a black person a monkey is deeply offensive, but in the majority of contexts, yet we don't routinmely self censor the term: 'I went to the zoo and saw some M-animals' or 'little Jimmy is such a cheeky M***.'

Actually I think age is an excuse. Some really elderly people do say words others find offensive.

YANBU, how awful.

Age is no excuse especially if you've already pulled her up on it before.

It's like she's deliberately goading you and ignoring your point of view by saying, "or whatever you like to call them."

But monkey is almost all of the time used in an inoffensive way. Nigger almost never is and even when it isnt, that is usually controversial

I think people worry that using a term as an insult, even in the context of "I am shocked that someone else said x", is insulting. Whereas using words like "black" or "monkey" in their non-insulting sense is totally fine, except in the totally PC-gone-mad world where songs like Baa Baa Black Sheep and terms like blackboard have to be modified in case they are considered insulting. But since most people agree that those things are only done by overzealous council workers who have overdosed on their diversity workshops, most of us can refer to blackboards and monkeys at the zoo without any qualms.

I think in some ways it would be better if we felt able to quote directly what the insulting person said, rather than rely on "n-word" euphemisms, but I think as long as we all know what the term is, and all agree it is unacceptable, then it doesn't matter that much how we refer to it.

My now deceased GMIL would call children with Down's 'Mongrel' which I have to admit got my back up every time. I managed to hold back from punching a slightly confused 90 year old preens at self-restraint and tried telling her that it was best to call them 'Down's' these days. But since by this point she was unable to learn the name of my daughter and kept calling her by a different name I was onto a losing battle trying to change her use of language.

I know she meant the old fashioned term Mongol, which I hate. But she said Mongrel and since she (and her son, my FIL) showed other ignorant, cruel, racist, anti-disability, bigoted, misogynistic views maybe I should have just taken the opportunity to kick off and educate them.

DH is lovely BTW. I had to correct his army-learned 'Monging around' but he didn't know where it came from, was aghast, never used it since and informed other peoples' usage of it.

Oh sorry OP, I mixed you up with another poster!

Age is not an excuse. Many things change over time its everybody's responsibility to educate themselves about things like this.

YANBU. Her age is no excuse, that is a disgusting and highly offensive term to use

YANBU, my pils are in their 70s and wouldn't use that term. Neither would my nana and she's in her late 80s.