Am I wrong to want the best for my children?

[Zingy123]

We are Catholic and my DD's go to a Catholic Primary school. We go to church regularly and our faith is important to us.

My DD1 will go to secondary school next year so I need to apply for her this year. We visited the 4 local ones last year and chose the order we will put on the form.

The Catholic school I went to now doesn't have a great reputation. The other Catholic schools are too far away.

The school we like is CofE but they take children from other religions too. My relative is the Head of a Catholic school elsewhere. I was telling them that we preferred the CofE school and they were horified we would consider a non-catholic school.

Their school is getting great results whereas the one here is not.

We may not get a place at the CofE school as places are limited. Our next choice is an academy with great results.

We only get three choices and our third choice is the Catholic school. Am I wrong to want the best school regardless of religion. My children going to a school will not affect my faith.

We are a Protestant family. We sent our kids to a C of E school for primary and then moved, the only school with places was the Catholic school. We are very happy with the Catholic education they have got. They are never made to feel excluded, take part in Mass as far as they can and it leads to interesting theological discussions when we are home and talking about differences between the sects.

I think with a religious education the important thing is that there is respect shown towards religious belief. So a C of E school ought to be a positive environment for your children. Better than a school with a militantly secular head who boasts about how unreligious their school is (yes this happened to us, and is why we chose the C of E school over the local school!).

You're not 'wrong' to want the best for your children, all parents do.

And if I were in your boat, I would do exactly the same and prioritise the school over religion. I would compromise my religious beliefs (if I had any) to get my child into a fantastic RC school.

But then, I am an atheist, and I never considered applying for DS to go to the really decent and local RC school, (that gets much better results than our local primary). I had a cats in hell chance of getting our DSs in, even though we're local, we're not RC. It does grate slightly on me that you have that choice. I do not.

But YANBU. Even though I think the system is unfair.

To be honest I would pick the school that pumps them with the least religious woo woo. That state funded schools that actively promote, medieval fairy tales exist at all is a bloody disgrace.

Sadly a truly secular education isn't available in this country.

People who use faith schools always wang on about how important it is for their child to be educated in the appropriate faith school. Until that particular faith school turns out to be less good for whatever reason, then they're suddenly fair less concerned that their child does catechism or whatever. I don't notice those who go to faith primaries turning down grammar school places in favour of the, say, Catholic secondary modern.
And those that say, oh well atheists just don't go to the faith school, what are you whining about. Well it's not as simple as that, especially in areas with high demand. The only way it would be more equitable would be if community schools were allowed to discriminate against those with faith. Say, oh your parents have been baptised or you've been baptised, no we're going to give the place instead to someone of the other faith or no faith. But that would be appalling wouldn't it?

To be honest, if you're happy with the CofE school then what's the problem? They're your children, not your relative's.

I have no idea where my children will be able to get an education. We live in a fairly rural area, the 4 nearest schools are either CofE or Catholic, but we are atheist. Nearest non-faith school is about 10 miles away, so we are way out of catchment.

Looking at that petition, cursory glance only, it seems to me that atheists want the same rights as faith believers to access faith schools, because the perception is a better education? Well if you follow that through and give everyone equal access, then the school ethos will be watered down and it will cease to have the same draw.

I don't believe there is necessarily much connection between religious ethos and educational achievement. Four out of five of the closest schools to me have a religious affiliation, but 5 out of 5 have crap Ofsted results for Key Stage 1.

The 14th closest school is the only one with above-average results for KS1, and is a faith-school. My daughter chose an atheist and a Buddhist as parents, most children in my area chose to have Muslim parents, all these children will, in theory, have their odds of getting into the only "good" school reduced by religious discrimination. (In theory, because in practice my Buddhist wife does see some Muslim women at church services. )

I have this brilliant idea for a school:-

It is atheist but in order to get in during Y5 either the parent or the child has to commit to a minimum of 50 hours of "service" to the school

This could be weeding in the grounds (and the school could facilitate this by having special gardening days) or designing the website or whatever.

Not only would it get you all the "committed" parents (which IMO is why religious schools do well - if you care enough to take them to church you probably care enough to help with homework) but all that service would save the school a ton of money which can then be used for boring things like extra teachers.

Anyone want to join me?

MummytoKatie Isn't that what happens anyway? My kids aren't school-age yet, but my parents & my friend's parents put a lot of time & effort into maintaining our primary school. Everything from decorating classrooms, marking out running tracks on the school field, refitting the sports pavilion, & lots of other things. I assumed this was normal? I did go to a private primary school though - it was v small & everybody was very loyal to it, if that makes a difference?

I am a committed Christian and had a choice between a Catholic secondary and a comprehensive with no religious affiliation, which doesn't even hold acts of collective worship. We've chosen the comp, because we feel it provides the right educational opportunities.

I don't really see school as the key place for faith development TBH. It's quite nice if they are on the same page, but not the be-all and end-all. And our children live in the real world, where people believe all sorts of things. IF they decide to practice their parents' faith long-term, they need to learn how to do that in a real-world context and secondary school seems like a good step in that direction.

People who use faith schools always wang on about how important it is for their child to be educated in the appropriate faith school. Until that particular faith school turns out to be less good for whatever reason, then they're suddenly fair less concerned that their child does catechism or whatever. I don't notice those who go to faith primaries turning down grammar school places in favour of the, say, Catholic secondary modern.

Quite a generalisation there.. [hmmm] My children go/went to a faith primary because it was the school that had spaces when we moved down here. No other reason. I do have a spiritual belief I do not tend to bring it into school choices.. For 2ndary schools our oldest two go to a non Grammar school us feeling our oldest though able would not thrive in a grammar environment. Our son is going to a grammar school and we are looking at a C of E school for our youngest due to the pastoral level of care she needs.

Like with most other parents I want what is best for my children. That means for each we have looked at what was best for them. In some cases that mean faith schools in other that means non faith.

The faith school my children are in for primary is not outstanding merely " good" I have had as many issues with this school as the non faith school (as in not church school not as in non secular it was in the UK after all) my oldest two started in. Religion has not been a issue.

Mine all went to the local school and did/are doing very well. They were rating low by ofsted (3) but we have been very happy. I would send where their peers are going or the local school.

Um....Catholic and CofE are not different religions! I don't see the problem.

MummytoKatie I agree in general with your idea. As a former (state) primary school parent governor, it's always the same few parents who are either governors or on the PTA. The majority of parents will sit back and do nothing, relying on someone else to get up and help.

It's getting better at my DS's school now. But as I've got limited free time available to help, I've decided instead to join the PTA at DD's secondary school, as they are desperate for volunteers to avoid folding. The other parents have DCs in Yr10/11 and need to have new parents coming through.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I believe it is the right school for my DD. Hopefully she will get a place there.

The school system is far too complicated for a lot of people. You don't really get a choice a lot of the time.