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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect people to drive for half an hour to DS's birthday party?

33 replies

ImagineJL · 09/06/2013 22:46

I'm wondering what people think of this.

I live in a small village, fairly remote, so people here generally expect to travel for at least half an hour if they're going somewhere, unless it's to a supermarket or the kind of stuff in the small nearby town (library etc).

DS is nearly 8, and now his contemporaries have outgrown the village hall pass-the-parcel parties, most parties involve a drive somewhere, 30-40 minutes away. Usually parents offer lifts in cars of extended family, although not always.

DS wants party at a laser quest place half hour away. I don't have family with cars to help out. Would it be unreasonable to expect people to make their own way there? Everyone knows everyone else here so car sharing is an option, it just wouldn't be laid on by me for everyone.

Would you consider it a huge imposition to be invited to a party half an hour away without a lift included in the invite?

OP posts:

LieweHeksie · 09/06/2013 22:48

Perfectly normal round here.
Just help people find lifts - can be tricky to set up if you don't know who else is invited.

Pancakeflipper · 09/06/2013 22:50

We also live rural and 30mins drive is acceptable.

We tend to get together with other parents and organise ourselves with 1 family taking a load of children and another bringing them back. So it's handy to know who is invited and if there's any parent with no transport so their child gets a lift sorted.

CloudsAndTrees · 09/06/2013 22:50

It would be fine amongst the parents I know. It's not an imposition at all, their children are getting to go to laser quest!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 09/06/2013 22:51

I reckon that would be perfectly acceptable. YANBU. I also think that helping people share lifts would be a good thing to do.

(LieweHeksie, did you also enjoy "Haas Das se Nuuskas"? or was that before your time )

5madthings · 09/06/2013 22:51

Perfectly normal here ams mos tparemts arrange lifts etc between each other.

SirChenjin · 09/06/2013 22:52

No, it would be fine as a treat - what child doesn't love laser quest?!

MagicHouse · 09/06/2013 22:53

Yes fine here too - I had a party over half an hour away. I did worry a bit about it once I'd arranged it, but no-one seemed to bat an eyelid :-)

theoriginalandbestrookie · 09/06/2013 22:55

I was going to say YABU based on the title, but having read your post I think it's perfectly reasonable. It would be a nice gesture to try to facilitate car sharing though - it's no great extra hassle for you and ensures maximum number of attendees at the party.

Selba · 09/06/2013 22:58

It's pretty normal but it's still a pita !!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 09/06/2013 22:59

Normal here too (rural location also), most of the guests managed to share lifts and the parents would rotate the driving duties to lighten the load.

Startail · 09/06/2013 23:02

Perfectly normal around here. Once DCs out grew bouncy castles driving for lazer quest, climbing wall, pool with waves was perfectly normal.

SuperiorCat · 09/06/2013 23:06

Yes normal for here, lots of complicated lift share arrangements for everything rather than several parents making the same trip for brownies / scouts / cinema trips etc.

However if you know that a parent may struggle to get their child there - other parent working / non-driver, then it would be lovely (but not obligatory) if you were to offer them a lift.

MidniteScribbler · 09/06/2013 23:07

Wouldn't bother me, but you could perhaps include the xetails of a couple of nice coffee shops nearby for parents who decide to wait in the area?

foreverondiet · 09/06/2013 23:11

I think it's ok - parents generally sort out Rotas between themselves...

freddiefrog · 09/06/2013 23:15

We're fairly rural too, town with all the good stuff is 20 minutes away so driving that distance is to be expected

Are there a couple of parents you're particularly close to that you could pass in their phone number for lifts to anyone struggling?

Foosyerdoos · 09/06/2013 23:17

This would be quite acceptable for parties where I live, there is a popular soft play place that is about 30 mins from where I livevthatvis often used for parties at ds's school.

stealthsquiggle · 09/06/2013 23:18

Normal round here too. If you wanted, you could offer to let people know who else is coming in case they want to arrange shared lifts?

BackforGood · 09/06/2013 23:24

I don't even live anywhere rural or remote (I live in a big city) but if the party is to be at a lasarquest, then obviously you have to go to where that is... same as an ice-skating one, there's just not a place on every corner.
If it were too difficult, then the answer is to decline the invitation, or ask the host if (s)he knew of anyone else who was going who might be able to take your dc as you couldn't manage it on that occasion.
YAcertainlyNBU to invite them to a party that your ds wants.

flyingspaghettimonster · 10/06/2013 07:03

I live in a town with about 6 other main towns in an hour's travelling distance. I have driven my kids to parties in all of them... Totally normal here and i usually hit the shops while waiting. I drive 30 mins just for walmart... This is why America sucks at conserving petrol. My husband is travelling right now from a hobby he did ten hours away. I was moaning that it was a Few hours further than normal. I drove 8 hours just to pick up a kitten :( so yanbu, (but I am. Crazy cat lady).

LeGavrOrf · 10/06/2013 07:28

This would have been perfectly normal when dd was younger, all venues were in the nearest big town 30 mins away. People sorted rotas and lift shares etc. No problem at all.

valiumredhead · 10/06/2013 08:27

Normal but a pita so it's not something I would do unless the lift was included.

Scholes34 · 10/06/2013 10:20

If you're going to the trouble and expense of providing my child with a fun afternoon, I would certainly have no hesitation in providing my own transport or arranging lift shares and anyone expecting a lift to be thrown into the mix probably wants it all with bells on too.

valiumredhead · 10/06/2013 12:00

30 mins each way is a 2 hour round trip unless you stay at the party, that really eats into a weekend.

Moominsarehippos · 10/06/2013 12:10

We live in London and 60-90 is the norm is someone is at the other side of town!

BackforGood · 10/06/2013 12:12

Generally though Valium you'd take one way, and other parents do the pick up - parents would be daft to each do all journeys with a single child in the car.
If I had to for some reason, then I'd do my shopping - or whatever - near the venue to fill the time.
I've never really got this MN phrase of "eating into your weekend" - to my mind, that is what weekends are for, for the dc to be doing activities and mixing with their friends.

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