To be a bit annoyed at my daft friend?

[Kernowgal]

Just got back from hols with friend. Hired a car and I agreed to drive because she drives a lot for work and wanted a break. I've never driven abroad before, nor on the other side of the road.

When we picked up the car I passed her the map and pointed out where we needed to go, where to turn off. At this point she tells me she can't read the map because she hasn't got her glasses. I say OK, I'll pull over and you can get them out of the boot. She tells me she didn't bring them with her because she didn't think she'd need them On several occasions we came up to junctions and I asked her which way we should be going, getting "er I don't know" in response. We'd be in a busy town and I'd have no idea which way I was supposed to be going.

I held my tongue all week but I was actually really pissed off. AIBU? I feel like I didn't have much of a holiday in a way.

Yeh kern I would have told you before booking the holiday. The more anxious I become te worse I get

And I would hate to put anyone in that position and would expect them to either speak up first so I was forewarned, like you say, or maybe suggest we didn't hire a car at all and use public transport instead. But she was pretty keen on hiring a car but not doing the driving.

Anyway at least now I know I can easily hire a car on my own and get around in a foreign country!

"I didn't realise she is quite so passive in everything." But you've been on holiday with her before - so presumably you'd have realised if she'd behaved like this on previous holidays. What has changed since then?

We were in a group last time, and the others had loads of ideas of things to do (and quite talkative and opinionated) so I guess maybe it just wasn't apparent; this time it was just the two of us.

I do wonder if she has changed a bit recently since getting together with a newish partner, as from the tales she tells of him he's pretty opinionated and what he says goes. So she's defaulted to being passive with everyone. She also has a very stressful job so maybe she did just want to switch off.

When we went to Florida instead of fly drive, dh and I used public transport and taxis

Well if the menus were in a language that she has no knowledge of-then I get why she asked you to read them!

Gosh, I did not know people still used Maps when driving!

If you had agreed to drive, I would assume you would have sorted a satnav when going abroad!

You are kidding, surely? I would choose a map over a satnav any day. How do you go for a scenic drive to explore the countryside with a satnav? And as mentioned above, she said she'd bring her partner's satnav, and forgot that too. I tried to use the satnav we were lent, but I have never used one before and preferred the very easy option of looking at an up-to-date, clearly printed map. So shoot me.

I don't speak the language either, but I'd hope most folk could use a phrasebook. But she couldn't use the phrasebook I'd brought because SHE DIDN'T HAVE HER BLOODY GLASSES WITH HER. And believe me these were not difficult menus to understand, it was Italian food for goodness' sake.

That was the only thing DH and I had a tiff over. I admit I am the world's worst navigator and he hated driving in large cities being a out in the sticks country living type. I did try, but happened too often I told him to turn left when he was in the right hand-lane and vv, but how did I know which lane he was in as I was trying to read the map with glasses off and having to put them back on to read the road names?

Aye digerd it is bloody horrible having to navigate and/or drive in heavy or fast traffic. I don't even like it in the UK and generally try to avoid city driving where possible.

The more I think about this, the harder I find it to believe that someone sane would deliberately leave behind their glasses; glasses that they need to be able to read. I just can't categorise this as 'daft', OP. It is distinctly odd behaviour.

I am very impressed you managed to hold your tongue on the matter all week.

I don't think there was anything malicious in it at all, she just isn't like that. She is however a dozy mare and this week has left me wondering if she goes around on autopilot all the time as her behaviour last week didn't show any kind of considered thought process. There were a few times when she said something and I was agog at how someone intelligent could ask such a stupid question.

But if she genuinely didn't want to navigate or hated mapreading then she should have said so from the start because there is no way I would have agreed to be driver and navigator; I would have insisted we stayed somewhere close to public transport or that she planned carefully where she wanted to go and researched routes from our base. There was none of that, it was all left entirely to me, and that's what I found unfair.

I'm generally not very assertive but I found I had to make decisions for both of us otherwise we'd have never done anything. She would then go quiet for a bit and left me feeling like I was forcing her to do it. It has put me off going on holiday with her again tbh.

Haha this is making me laugh. Sorry OP

Yes she sounds dozy. You need a holiday to recover from your holiday.

Next time you go away together, pack for her!

Are my family (and in laws) the only people who just get in a car and drive and hope?? We use road signs lol

I am laughing too now it's all over, but you're right, I do feel like I need another holiday! Lesson learned eh.

You're being very good humoured about it, you must really like her

I'd be extremely irritated if I were you. She basically deliberately rendered herself helpless. Forced you to parent her.

Friendships should be adult-adult. But she put you in a position where you had to baby her along.

No wonder you feel like you need another holiday.

I would keep more of a distance from now on. It would affect my level of respect for a friend if they put me in that position.

I can't read maps and I drive, I also wouldn't be ale to read a map while someone else was driving as I would get very sick. That said, yanbu to feel cross!

Teapots that's totally fair enough, but I'd expect you to mention it at the first mention of hiring a car together - along the lines of "I would navigate but I'll be sick". I would totally understand as I can't read in a car for the same reason.

Lemon that's exactly it! Except a child would have at least demanded we do certain things (eat more ice cream for one, a request I would have acceded to time and time again given the lovely gelato there ).

I was good-humoured about it, but inside I was seething. At the end of the week I wanted to shout at her to throw me a rope, a suggestion for what to do, anything would be better than a non-committal shrug! We are supposed to be going camping later in the summer but truth be told I am now thinking of going alone as I simply can't be arsed with dealing with this again.

If you do go away with her again make sure that even of she says she doesn't want to drive that you say that you don't want to be responsible for all the driving and that whilst your happy to do half (or more, whatever), that you found having to do all the driving very stressful previously, especially having to navigate too and so she needs to do some as it's supposed to be a holiday for you too - which it's not if she switches off completely and leaves everything to you.

Definitely - next time I would insist on us both being named drivers, there's no way I'd do it all alone.

Despite all this I really enjoyed the driving once I'd got used to the local... er... driving 'style' and knew my way around a bit.