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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to out him from the rooftops...

11 replies

Punkatheart · 09/06/2013 12:31

I know that I won't...it wouldn't help my situation or do anyone any good..but in my head..my angry head....I am doing it.

He's the father of my child, a very successful man in his industry and everyone considers him to be so lovely, cuddly, the man to depend on etc.

He left us some time ago and yes, I know relationships break up. But I contacted him recently with some huge problems with our daughter. I was very physically ill and he wouldn't help, even by phone. I was only asking for a conversation. He turned off his phone and ignored my pleas.

My daughter made a suicide attempt. Now she is going through treatment and is finding life very hard, as I am. I am sitting here this morning trying to fight that 'what's the point' feeling.

I told him the facts by email - calmly, unembellished. He did not respond. I had explained that if he just called to ask how she was, it would help. All my family have been calling and leaving nice jolly messages. She is in a dark place and pushes people away, gets aggressive with me. None of us can take it personally and I'm sure that anyone here with depression, or someone who lives with depression, will understand fully. It is very hard to deal with and has to be handled gently. She hasn't wanted to see her father for a very long time and I have asked her frequently if she would like to. But I have explained and explained that if he wants to build things, then he needs to at least phone up and not be a complete stranger.

I did contact his mother in the end - because I know that she would also want to be informed. Eventually I got an email from him which basically stated 'We need to get on with our lives now.' Nothing asking how his daughter is except a 'I love her now as deeply as the first day I saw her.' But no questions about her treatment, her state of mind etc. Nothing at all. It is as if I never mentioned it.

I am sorry for boring you all. I would much prefer to have posted about the lady on the escatalor and her pube-escaping shorts. This is just making me so angry - that people have a perception of someone without knowing the truth.

If you have a good dad or if your child has a good dad, treasure them. You are very lucky. Please wish me luck with my daughter and her problems - they all feel so very crushing at the moment.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 09/06/2013 12:34

Sorry to hear about your daughter.

You both sound better off without her crap father. He obviously never loved her. So not deeply at all, ever.

Justforlaughs · 09/06/2013 12:36

I wish you all the luck in the world. Thanks I'm afraid that I don't have any useful advice. My DS1 has had no contact with his father since he was 4 days old (now 20), while my other children have a fantastic dad who also adopted my DS1. Nothing else to say, except hang in there.

LEMisdisappointed · 09/06/2013 12:37

I couldnt not reply - how very worrying for you :(

TBH maybe she is better off without his sudden re-emergence in her life? I know it probably seems it is all on you and she feels abandoned but what a disingenuous message of support really mean? Fuck him, you don't need him and neither does your DD. She needs you and you need support. You say she is getting treatment, this is good, but what about you? What support are you getting? I would have a word with your GP.

Maybe post something in mental health on here or the teenage bit? Sadly, there will be others with similar experience who can help im sure.

You clearly love your DD very much and even though she may not show it, your love and support means so much to her.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 09/06/2013 12:41

She doesn't want to see him - stop asking her if she does. If she doesn't want him in her life then a phone call won't make her feel better. It's quite obvious he's not interested in being a dad cunt so let him drift out of her consciousness. Concentrate on your daughter and forget about him until she asks you.

MatersMate · 09/06/2013 12:44

Forget him. He's made his feelings plain the twat

What she needs is the people in her life that do love her, and she's got that. I'm so so sorry you and her are both going through this. Is she getting some professional help?

MatersMate · 09/06/2013 12:45

Oh sorry, have just seen she is in treatment.

Things will get better I'm sure Flowers

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/06/2013 12:46

Forget about him Op.
She has you and it seems other loving extended family.
You'll all pull her through, she really doesn't need such a selfish cunt in her life.

usualsuspect · 09/06/2013 12:48

If she doesn't want to see her dad,then I think you need to take that pressure of her.

Stop going on about him to her.let her make her own choice.

WallaceWindsock · 09/06/2013 12:51

How awful a man he is to abandon his daughter. I can honestly say that she is better without him in her life if that is his attitude because she would notice how his words don't add up to his actions and this would make her feel even worse.

I grew up without a father. He had walked away when I was tiny. Yes it hurt and took years of questioning how he could do that to me, but I've always been so glad that I didn't remember that rejection iykwim? I don't think I could have coped with him popping up in my life and then abandoning me again over and over as some of my friends experienced. Some men are fantastic fathers, some are not so much. It's a hard lesson for your daughter to learn esp this young but it sounds like she has a loving supportive family around her and that's all she needs.

Sending you strength and support and to your DD also.

quirrelquarrel · 09/06/2013 12:57

OP, I am so sorry you're feeling like this and that your daughter is in such a bad place. Things can be and do get turned around for the best. I wish you all the luck in the world and the strength to face things when you feel ready....take it easy.

janey68 · 09/06/2013 13:06

It sounds like an awful situation but outing him is only going to hurt your dd more. You need to put your own feeling of bitterness to one side and accept that he doesn't care, probably never did, and she's better off acknowledging that (which it sounds as though she has tbh)

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