to think relationships threads shouldn't turn into a bunfight?

[MardyBra]

Yes, it's a thread about threads. So shoot me.

But a couple of recent threads about possibly straying have left me open -mouthed at the way EVERYONE piles in with their increasingly speculative and outlandish opinions -half of them not having RTFT, so making inaccurate assumptions along the way. What starts off as an initially supportive thread ends up feeling like a cross between a soap opera, a bunfight and an on-going commentary thread for a reality Tv programme -with a baying mob of Mners marking their place yelling at the OP to LTB and update the thread on an hourly basis.

And unsurprisingly the bewildered OP backs off, as the initial support element of the thread has been replaced with hysteria.

Actually I know I'm not unreasonable, but I'm on a rant so it's going in this topic anyway. (Sorry Trills).

Actually, I agree with you.

Different boards have different reasons for existing, and thus some posting styles/subjects don't fit. But you have to be feeling pretty brave to do something about changing the tone (and be prepared to be slagged for being thread police).

Relationships is a board that can accommodate straight talking, but it needs to be tempered with tact. Wilder speculation would be more suited had the OP selected AIBU or chat (though some pick that because it goes pfft, not because they are in any less a vulnerable state).

Never go there now. Too much doom and glom and bloody hard work.

I don't have a problem with straight-talking.

The issue on a couple of recent threads has been that there has been some ambiguity about whether the Dh was cheating or not, and the bones of the Op get picked over by vultures. ad nauseum.

I am not sure if you are talking about what I think you are talking about.

Are you saying there is what I call the new abbreviation in town - HIHAA - He is having an affair, added to virtually any and every relationship thread?

I agree. Straight taking = fine. Ghoulish speculation = bad

Exactly Soupy.

I hid a thread yesterday when people started talking about DNA testing underwear.

Too far, people.

This is someone's LIFE fgs or in some cases their plot outline for a shit novel.

I disagree.
I know there was hysteria.
But I felt alot of the thread, there was genuine concern and well meaning suggestions of what could be done.

I agree. I am fairly shocked at the level of virtual rubber necking that goes on. Quite often the posters make their minds up right from the getgo that HIHAA - without any hard evidence - and then proceed to torture the OP because she can't or won't leave just like that.

There was one recently on AIBU which the last five or six pages or so basically consisted of people going "are you ok OP?", followed by four paragraphs of "he is obviously shagging her."

There was something about it which crossed over from straight talking into Schadenfreude, with little or no evidence, while the OP was agonising over whether or how to save her marriage. Pretty ugly,

YANBU. Relationships is a place for support, a sounding board. It's fine to offer an opinion but some people would benefit from remembering that a thread is someone's life.
AIBU on the other hand...

I have to say I was a bit about DNA testing. But I think people were genuinely trying to think of a way in which a confession could be 'forced'.

I am desperately sorry for her.

It's not just that thread although it prompted this Op. There was another one last week where I felt very uncomfortable.

I think part of the problem is that people chip in to "mark their place" and the whole thing seems to turn into a baying mob.

I don't want this to turn into a discussion about a particular relationship thread. What I want is for people to exercise a little more compassion and restraint. And remember this is a real person with a real life.

YANBU
I once namechanged to post.on there about something that was seriously upsetting me.

I got called a troll..an abuser, and flamed to jigh heaven.

Never again.

Do you think it has in part become like this because MN is now so big?
So people are feeding off each other iyswim, so things get more and more outlandish?

Totally agree with you Mardy. The shit being spouted was crazy. And still they are doing it on her new one. Pretty sad and fucked up postings from so many I am in a state of utter disbelief.

Very unhelpful and uncomfortably mawkish.

Fanjo - sympathy. I don't even go there any more - if something awful occurs IRL I talk to people IRL since some terrible experiences on here.

Mardy fwiw I agree - I did wonder if maybe, when the OP hasn't been around for a bit, people could kind of pause respectfully until they come back.

That way it might not spiral so much into a kind of tangle...people would just be speaking to the oP, not each other.

I think you've got a point breeze.

Rooney why should they be trying to force a confession from someone who appears to be innocent. That's pretty sick and there is no excuse.

"A bottle of poppers and pair of knickers does not a serial killer make..."

It makes a good Harold Robbins story, though.

There is a lot of scare mongering.

I often read "Relationships", but wouldn't get involved with what is posted, on those threads.

I don't think I ever post on relationships threads now.

I don't believe half of the ops, and if I do I don't believe half of the responses.

Which is a shame because there are some relationships regs who genuinely are a force for good. But in most cases I just don't want to get involved with what I'm reading.

Twatty, I didn't mean that exactly. I think that possibly people thought that having some way to 'prove' it either way might jog someone to confess, if they had done it, rather than making them confess to something they had not done.

I can't speak for those who suggested it though - that was just my reading.