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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about my husbands "get a job" comment

9 replies

benjerriesandme · 08/06/2013 10:17

I'm a SAHM at the moment and possibly going back to work when my eldest starts nursery in September. My youngest will possibly go to my parents (health permitting). If i do go back it will only be for 2 days a week as my son has been offered 2 and a half days so the full days are the days i am planning on working. I have also spoken to my husband about working evening when he is home. My job is low pay and only casual which is why im thinking about working against staying at home.

I only earn about £40 per day and i will need to pay before and after school club on them days( i still need to find out how much that is) Also bus fair is £4.00 per day and if my parents are not able to have my youngest then nursery is £34 per day.

I said to my husband last night to go to bed as he was tired and he had to get up early for work (in work for 7) so i did the last bottle, i also sat with him for a little while after his bottle as he is poorly at the moment and the other night he was sick in his sleep. So i got in to bed over an hour after my husband.

This morning he got up to get ready and we have our 2 year old in with me at the moment due to my youngest being poorly and they share a room. I could hear my husband opening drawers in the bedroom and rustling through them he also threw his wet towel from his shower on my legs. When i said to him couldn't he have got his stuff ready the night before he went in a mood and said "well you get a job then!" I hate that comment as i find it insulting as he says it all the time we have a disagreement. When we talk about things after he says he doesnt mean it. His job is not greatly paid either and he went to college for 4 years 2 evenings a week retraining at a cost of over £3000 which we really struggled with financially and now he has qualified he doesn't seem that bothered about finding a job in it.

So AIBU to be pissed off at the "get a job" comment as to me it implies that i don't do anything and that couldn't be further from the truth. Also he knows it gets to me so that is why he says it.

OP posts:
DingbatsFur · 08/06/2013 10:25

He is BU by making lots of noise when he gets ready. Tiredness makes everyone snappy and unpleasant so it's no time to start criticising or an argument. Better to wait until the evening and discuss everything rationally.
It sounds like he is feeling stressed by the money situation. Maybe you can sit down together and work out a solution that will help him get a better job.
You would probably be better off goung back to work. It's harder to find work when you have a huge gap in your cv & there is your pension etc to think about.

Original poster
benjerriesandme · 08/06/2013 10:32

Thanks Dingbat, i probably will be going back September, just need to sort childcare and make sure if i do need to send youngest to nursery i take some earnings home and its not all eaten up in childcare, bus fair and before and after school club for eldest. I said to my husband if he changed his job then i could work the days he does not so childcare would not be an issue.

I was more concerned about my eldest son being woken up as he wakes up grumpy and he has not been well either, i have to admit i was a bit miffed that he woke me up to as he had more sleep than me in the first place as i was sorting DS2 out.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 08/06/2013 10:40

i used to counter this with a pleasant... ok then... but.. and list the things tht would change for him... he would hve to take on his share of the washing and housework do the cooking as he would be home before me every night, take turns getting up with the children in the night, take dys off to look afte the childen if they were poorly, pay x amount for childcare, hev less time to see fmaily t the weekends as I would be working. look after the children all day so i could work on a saturday...

you know he did not mention it that frequently at all once the realities had set in. Grin

he prefered having me do the cleaning/cooking/washing and majority of the child care during the day. (he did share work in the evening by looking after the children whilst I locked myself in the kitchen for a bit of peace with radio, and cooker!)

Montybojangles · 08/06/2013 10:41

I would remind him you do have a job, raising his family! Ask him if you were in the bedroom banging around last night when he went to bed early and you had to stay up to feed and nurse poorly DS?

I think he is probably feeling tired and stressed, maybe about finances, but that is not really the issue is it? He has no right to intimate that you are not contributing to your family's welfare. Your contribution may not be financial right now, but it is no less important.

HollyBerryBush · 08/06/2013 10:42

TBH with you, for your own sanity and filling the gap on your CV, I would go back to work. It is much easier to get a job when you already have one.

LEMisdisappointed · 08/06/2013 10:42

He threw his wet towel at your legs?

Shellywelly1973 · 08/06/2013 10:52

There are bigger issues here then you being a sahm. He sounds disrespectful to you. The cost of the childcare needs to be split between you both. Its both your responsibility.

I would get any job if i were in your position just so your not so dependant on your dh. I would possibly look for evening/weekend work so he could care for the children.
It might make him see how much you do...

Original poster
benjerriesandme · 08/06/2013 11:05

LEM- he just dumped his wet towel on the bed which was where my legs were.

I do all the cooking and laundry and the majority of the childcare. I did say to him on another occasion if i do go back to work then if my eldest is ill and need picking up, or he needs doctors appointments etc then it won't all fall on me. He doesn't agree with this but i told him that i don't see why all childcare related things during work time should just affect my job if that makes sense. I also said that in Septmember he would have to take DS to nursery as i would need to get bus to get to work, he wasn't keen on that either! His reason was he had to get to work, but s would i and it would take me longer as getting the bus.

OP posts:
sonu678 · 08/06/2013 11:10

my (wish he was ex)dh used to be taunt me like this in various ways throughout the kids baby years. about the only time he didnt have an answer was when i pointed out that i was breastfeeding and that was free, so he certainly wasnt earning to pay for dc2's food.
Anyways. He started working from home on fridays, just one day a week, and the taunts stopped, as if by magic.

just let him actually see what you do all day long, and what happens when you dont do it.

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