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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to "tell" on this girl to her mum

15 replies

parakeet · 07/06/2013 21:14

My 7-year-old daughter came home from a schoolmate's birthday party today with what seemed to me like quite a sad tale. At one point, there was supposed to be a disco going on in the living room, while the parents were busy in the kitchen. According to my daughter, the birthday girl had said that only herself and three others were allowed to dance, and physically shut all the others out of the room. This seems to have gone on for some time, because the excluded ones had to play in another room.

The background is that this girl is confident to the point of bossiness (and is always mean and excluding to my daughter's younger sister during playdates at my house). Together with the chosen few who were allowed in the disco, this gang are kind-of the alpha females of the class.

I know the mum reasonably well and she seems really nice. I'm sure she would be horrified if she had known this was going on. I have an urge to tell her what happened. On the other hand, while my daughter seemed sad about it, she was not in tears, and she can always play with other girls if this sort of thing continues at school. Plus I know you should stay out of children's arguments unless it's ongoing bullying. So perhaps I'm posting here so you can talk some sense into me. Come on, be brutal, I can take it...

OP posts:

idiot55 · 07/06/2013 21:20

I would leave it, even if she sympathises with what happened , it wont change anything, girls behave like this, unfortuntly.

It would be different if only your daughter had been excluded.

completly understand why you feel how you do, but lifes too short, id leave this .

Listentomum · 07/06/2013 21:22

I would not mention it TBH if your dd is Anything like mine a considerable length of time could be 5 mins. If your dd was upset I would ask the parent yes but as she wasn't I would leave it and just reassure your dd that in the long run these girls won't be the be all and end all. My debs a group like this and I find it so sad my dd has their friendship so high a priority that I remind her that when they are all grown up or in secondary school they will not be so important anymore.

Listentomum · 07/06/2013 21:23

My dd has not debs

lljkk · 07/06/2013 21:25

I think it would be almost immoral if you didn't say something to the mother. Just be prepared to be informed your DD has got the story wrong.

defineme · 07/06/2013 21:26

I wouldn't tell on her. It's vile behaviour, but it's none of your business-your dd is fine.
However, if it happened at school a few times I'd be going to the teacher.

Listentomum · 07/06/2013 21:31

Whilst i would not say anything, I don't think it's fair to say it none of OPs business, it is her business her dd was involved in this

pictish · 07/06/2013 21:36

Sounds like typical wee girl shennanigans to me tbh. I remember it well.
I think if you told her mother about thid, she would look at you all

Even if it has bothered your daughter, it will still sound so petty after the event.

I worry about my own daughter dealing with this stuff (she's only 4 atm) as she is an introvert, and unlikely to make the clique.

BridgetBidet · 07/06/2013 21:46

To be honest I suspect the mother might not care. She's probably a big part of the reason why she is the way she is.

Original poster

parakeet · 07/06/2013 21:50

No, it's bizarre - the mum is so nice, friendly and helpful.

OK, I'm leaning towards not saying anything. I was hoping you all would make me feel more confident about my decision though, and you haven't really.

I just think you should try to adhere to the general principle of not interfering where possible, unless it's serious.

OP posts:

Listentomum · 07/06/2013 21:54

The girls into dds class like this all have nice friendly mums but their dds are like this. I let it go over my head and encourage dd to be more inclusive. The similar thing with thm all is they like to be popular mums and dds alike.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 07/06/2013 21:54

I'd want to know if I was the mum. I really would. And if you were telling me something I already knew it might cause me to think about the way I was bringing up my child. So I'm saying yes, DO have a word with the mother. It doesn't have to be done in a confrontational way or to make her feel bad. I know I'd appreciate it and she probably will too.

mumofweeboys · 07/06/2013 21:54

I wouldnt say anything, I would be telling your dd if someone maked them feel bad then not to play with them.

Its weird how parents didnt notice it though. Even if your in the kitchen you would hear your child being a brat shutting other kids out. Perhaps the mum did tell her dd off. Sometimes there is nothing as mean as little girls.

Listentomum · 07/06/2013 21:59

But Malcolm do you think your dd would behave like this and without your noticing? I think that is the difference here!!

racmun · 07/06/2013 22:01

I wouldn't say anything it's not right but your daughter wasn't singled out for mean behaviour.
If it gets blown out of the water the last thing you want is the queen bee's turning on her/singling her out.

I personally would explain to your daughter that its not right and suggest she keeps her distance and concentrate on other friends.

Floggingmolly · 07/06/2013 22:06

Little madam, inviting other kids to a party and acting like a spoilt brat . I'd be mortified if my dd had done this, but I would have noticed and stepped in at the time.
The fact that there was no adult intervention suggests either it was a very badly supervised party or the mum did notice and wasn't bothered.
I'd tell her anyway, just to let her know how unimpressed I was.

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