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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel ashamed of my brother and wish my mum would stop excusing him.

28 replies

DizzyZebra · 07/06/2013 21:10

To cut a long story short my nephew was born 4 weeks ago, fairly traumatic birth, ending in an emergency section.

My 'lovely' brother bugger off the next day, and slept with another woman. He brazenly went back to his baby's mum B covered in 'love bites'.

She forgave him after a week of him piss arising around and acting in an utterly shameful manner.

This week, he decided to leave again. He said he wants his mates, doesn't want a family and be was forced here (2 hours from where we are all originally from).

This is bull. He planned the baby with her (he told me himself, and I told him he was an idiot, b was 16, he 21. His ex and mother to his first child was 15 when they planned a baby...). It was his idea for them to move here - He emotionally blackmailed B in to this. No one forced him - quite the opposite!

Anyway, he's moved in with this woman apparently (she has a kid too). After threatening various people leading to half the town gossiping because of the public spectacle he has made - he decided people must be gossiping because of me and B and threatened us both (I am pregnant too!). I am disgusted with his behaviour to his own family, children and the mother of his child. I could not be more ashamed. I'm fed up of him making us all look like something off Jeremy kyle.

I've also discovered he's been stealing from my house (I went over to help B and found things he swore he hasn't taken).

Now, my mum. I wish shed shut up about it. I'm fucking upset. I'm upset at forgiving him yet again for him to turn around and threaten me, I'm ashamed of his behaviour, the way he's treated that poor girl, apparently he's been violent too (doesn't surprise me).

But she makes excuses and goes on 'I don't want people threatening him ' -erm hold on he's the one doing the threatening. 'Why is his ex L involved she should keep her nose out' - ERM, maybe if he hasn't rang her at gone 11 telling her everything and threatening her she would have no reason to say anything.. 'Ah well he found a video of her doing such and such and getting his daughter to say bad words' '- yeah he knew about it ages ago its a year old he told me about it. 'She knows if she winds him up he'll lash out' - oh that makes it OK.

My favourite - 'I won't be happy if you report him to the police he's on a suspended sentence its not fair on me' - he shouldn't break the fucking law then! Sorry! Should Fred west have been let off as well in case his mum was upset?
I'm meant to take threats off him yeah? A man whose beaten the shit out of me several times for no reason, and attacked me when I was pregnant before? Attacked numerous women?

'People need to ignore him' - no, people should not have to walk around pretending they're not hearing the vile abuse he spouts.

I could go on I really could. Its depressing me. I feel like running far away so I'm not near any of them. The only person I care about in this mess is B and her son, and my brothers eldest child. My brother plays the victim and she buys it - I can guarantee his next move - he'll threaten someone bigger and harder, get a smack in the mouth and my mum will be blaming every fucker else.

Aibu? Sorry its long. I'm just fed up they're draining me.

OP posts:
BatwingsAndButterflies · 08/06/2013 11:39

Can you report his threats and beatings to the police?

Fuck what your apologist mum says.

DizzyZebra · 08/06/2013 17:34

Special - yeah, for weeks, I had to go to the doctors, she was worried he'd damaged me internally. My mum did go absolutely bat shit at him over that, I'd never seen her so angry.

Holly - I understand that, I don't expect her to disown him, I just want her to acknowledge that I'm not wrong for feeling like I do, and that she needs to stop blaming everyone else whenever she can.

Kungfu - not at the momentmy brothers buggered off back to where we were born which is two hours away. I just feel like leaving everyone. But the situation with my daughter (previous relationship) and her medical needs would make it impossible.

Thank you so much for the supportive comments, it helps so much to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

The police have been called in the past, its on my record when he attacked me when I was pregnant too because even though I didn't ring true police I went and got my midwife to see me and told her - she recommended the women's refuge.

I've not heard from him since and both his exs are also going to call the police if he starts his abusive phone calls like he was the other day. He can't physically get to one of them as she won't give him her address (he can see their daughter at her parents every weekend but he doesn't) and B is with her parents now, she went last night, he wouldn't get through them but I've told her if when sees him out to walk away to the nearest shop and stay there and don't go off with him in case he starts kicking off, and if he kicks off in a shop shell have witnes' for the police.

OP posts:
DizzyZebra · 08/06/2013 17:38

Batwings - they were called. Most of them were a while ago because since my daughter was a baby (she's 4) I avoided being alone with him because he got so much bigger than me that I couldn't possibly defend myself alone (he's 6'4).

I just thought he'd changed the last year I really did.

I have told my mum that I might keep quiet about a lot of shit for her but I will not tolerate him making threats - if he doesn't want the police calling he shouldn't break the law. I won't budge on that and she knows it. I think that's why she stepped up the excuses and blame shifting yesterday.

Having a barbeque so I have to go keep an eye on the youngest as he is not happy that we don't allow him to touch dangerous objects ;-)

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