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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not report him to the police

20 replies

Rhubarbcrumblewithcustard · 07/06/2013 20:07

I live in quite a remote place - not far from a village but really tucked away. Nobody knows we're here, delivery drivers never find us, ambulance couldn't find us one time(!) etc. It's down a private dirt track and there are three houses together (one ours), and then further down the track there's a farm and a house next to the farm.

A few months ago, I was walking down the dirt track back to the house, with my baby on my back in a carrier and my little boy pedalling (with stabilisers) his bike. Suddenly I hear a car horn honking and look up to see a car heading towards us, still a good distance away. First thought is to get organised and in to the side but then realise he's continuing to charge straight at us (there's a 5mph sign but it's not legally enforceable as private land, but he must have been doing around 40 mph I reckon). I just had time to pick up my son's bike, with him still on it, throw it into the hedge and then jump in after it as the 4 x 4 vehicle swept past us. I was shaking and very, very angry. I wanted to jump in the car and go down and yell at him (he drove on down to farm) but my husband (who I saw when I got home) said perhaps they were having an emergency.

Then a few weeks later I spoke to the lady who lives in the house next to his, and she said he's always driving like that up and down the track, but more than that, that he's making their life really hard - he's their landlord and has done things like cut off their water, install a camera overlooking their house, plant a yew hedge around where they keep their horses (apparently poisonous), threatened to kill her husband, and walks through their yard with a shotgun - unbroken - all the time. She was in the process of putting in a complaint about him and she then came to my door a few days later and asked me to do the same as the police said it would strengthen her case.

I thought about it, and decided not to. I live, as I said, in a remote location. The police would caution him - at best. I don't think it would change anything as he has a reputation for being very arrogant - and let's face it, the police aren't going to be here day in day out, and I would then have made an enemy. I am at home on my own most of the time with two very small children and local opinion has it that he's very arrogant, a bit mad (and he has guns). In addition to this, his wife is a recently retired cop, so any kind of police caution may not have the same effect if they know the guy and his wife. Right now, he has no idea who I am or where I live (apparently he objects to people walking down the track as it's private land so probably didn't realise I live here). It has meant that I don't walk down there with my kids, which is a shame, and I do also feel a little anxious I may meet him on the corner of the track when driving, going at speed, but I haven't seen him driving like that again so far (have passed him a few times).

Today she cornered hubby and said the police had told her I had not made a complaint. Hubby explained that I do not feel there is any point and have to think first and foremost of my own and the children's safety, and do not want our lovely life to turn into one of fear of a neighbour. She was very, VERY annoyed with us for not complaining and supporting her. We don't really know her but she seems perfectly nice.

AIBU not to complain?

OP posts:
burberryqueen · 07/06/2013 20:14

do you live in West Wales by any chance?
yes you should complain if his actions endangered you and your children,people like this rely on others being intimidated by them.

VerySmallSqueak · 07/06/2013 20:17

That's a really hard spot to be in - I have lived in a similar set up,and sometimes lines are a little blurred to maintain the status quo.

The things she was complaining to you about happened to her and not you.
You can't report those things as you did not witness them.

If he drives again like he did before I think you should challenge him on it though.

This sounds like a tenant/landlord dispute to me.

You can only tell the truth as you see it and you will be the one to judge whether to report anything you may witness.

HootShoot · 07/06/2013 20:19

Does she want you to report what happened when be drove at you? Perhaps you coukd speak to the police but not make an official report at the moment unless anything else happens.

Rhubarbcrumblewithcustard · 07/06/2013 20:19

I don't live in West Wales, no! Grin

I wouldn't be mentioning any of her stuff to the police as I have never seen it, she just wants me to report the dangerous driving.

I just don't think it'll change anything if they 'have a word' with him, and it will mean I'm living in this remote place with two small children and a nasty neighbour with a gun and a reason to be angry with me. That mere fact alone will make me feel anxious in my own home.

OP posts:
TheCutOfYourJib · 07/06/2013 20:28

If someone nearly ran me or my children over the first thing I would do is ring the police. He won't stop if you let him get away with it.
He's bullied and intimidated you and you're just going to let him.

burberryqueen · 07/06/2013 20:29

I see what you mean, those country places make the city feel quite fluffy in its way, you don't want him coming at you with his blunderbuss!!
no idea what to suggest actually - perhaps what hootshoot said, a friend of mine has done this a couple of times recently (also in a very rural area where certain people think they are above the law) just to have her complaint logged, nothing more.
Take care and try not to worry too much.

VerySmallSqueak · 07/06/2013 20:33

I too think that what HootShoot says may be a good option.

OHforDUCKScake · 07/06/2013 20:35

I totally, totally understand what you mean. Living near someone whos side you have got on the wrong side of, who you know is known for making peoples lives hell, is probably not the best idea.

But what an arse hole. I think the sheep dip has got to him.

I really, really feel for you neighbours.

One thing I would consider is reporting him anonymously, tell the police you fear him for X Y Z reason, give them his reg, and tell your friend to report away but your name and address will not be disclosed.

Might that work?

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/06/2013 20:38

I also live in a tiny village.
If he'd done that to me I'd have called the police.
I think you should back up your neighbour.

toiletbrush · 07/06/2013 20:44

If it was me I would have to report him to the police, I know you're scared but you're just giving him license to carry on with the bullying and intimidation.

nennypops · 07/06/2013 21:03

I do think you should perhaps ask yourself whether you will still feel the same if he does it again, particularly if it results in you or your children bring injured or worse.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/06/2013 22:51

In my experience of a small village, the residents would be up in arms at such anti social behaviour.
That's one of the advantages of a small community where everybody knows each other surely.

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/06/2013 22:57

Report the twat. I can understand your concerns but really , if you have it on record his card will be marked.

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/06/2013 23:25

Yes, YABU. He needs reporting and the more they have against him the more they can do. What if in the future he continues to drive like an idiot and hurts someone?

muffinino82 · 08/06/2013 00:20

I would suggest carrying a sturdy hunting whip and giving the wing mirror a good crack not that I've ever done this whilst mounted, oh no It may just make them slow down and in my opinion, if they are close enough to give a good wallop with a hunting stick, they are too close.

SoftlySoftly · 08/06/2013 00:27

I wouldn't report, you can't proce he drove like an arse and the incident is in the past now.

Having come from a tiny hamlet the police response will not be worth the aggro.

If anything else happens I would but as soon as it happens. I feel for your neighbour but don't think you reporting will actually make a blind bit of difference with no proof.

ImAlpharius · 08/06/2013 09:27

Just remember if he does something you wish to take further action on in the future you might not get back up from your neighbour if you need it.

Rhubarbcrumblewithcustard · 08/06/2013 14:54

Thanks for all the opinions.

Yes, the other issue is that it's several months ago now, I wouldn't be able to even state the day or time. Neighbour is apparently throwing dirty looks at hubby (I haven't seen her) and I do feel bad for her, but also think my children are safer if he's not our enemy.

I guess at the root of it, if I thought reporting him would change anything, I would, but I honestly think he's Mr Arrogant and IF he got a proper warning (with a copper wife who will know the cops, and a road with no legally enforceable speed limit) it won't change anything as we're in the middle of nowhere and he'll continue to do as he pleases. :(

OP posts:
xylem8 · 08/06/2013 15:04

Is the road private ? I am not sure that dangerous driving applies, or anything in the highway code applies on unadopted roads.
You could report him obviously if he had actually injured you, or you could report him for intimidation I suppose, but it would be your word against his.

VerySmallSqueak · 08/06/2013 15:57

Ime landowners in rural areas will drive like shit off a hot shovel on private tracks without thought towards others.

I am completely on your side OP,in that it's a fucking disgrace that they can be so ignorant and arrogant at times, if this is the case.

But as I said before,rightly or wrongly,it can be a distinct little micro society living in a weeny little cluster of houses on the outside of a village. I am not sure making a report on the record would serve any purpose because of the reasons mentioned by others on here. But a word off the record to the police could be a good idea.

The thing is that although the man is obviously out of order,you do not know if your neighbour is/has been equally out of order. If you form allegiances now,purely based on what she tells you,it could leave its legacy long after her tenancy ends.

If you witness anything that is threatening towards her or her family, or you,THEN you need to take action.

But other than him driving like a knob a while back,there's really nothing you can do anyway with regard to backing your neighbour.

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