This is one of those things where I am not sure if I am being a twat or not so need some second opinions. Apologies that it will most likely turn into an essay also!!
DH is very usually lovely- absolutely nothing bad you can say about him. He?s very placid and generally lets me take the driving seat but that works for us- he?s quiet and unassuming and I?m more loud and bubbly. We have been married just less than a year and I would describe us as very happy. If I had to criticise DH for anything in life it would probably be that he can be a bit of a pushover. In general I am the one who goes out and generally have more mates that him that I see regularly but he never expresses any unhappiness at this, like I say he's a quiet sort who likes his routines, his usual one quiet mate and staying in or the quiet pub.
I suffer from quite profound anxiety and have periods of bleakness- probably not quite depression but close enough. Ennui shall we say. We are trying for a baby but have been thus far- sixish months- unsuccessful. After a late period this week I have come on and felt very down in the dumps at first but am okay now. We both work as teachers and these past few weeks my work has been very stressful. As such my anxiety has been worse than usual. I am sensible about it all, medicated where I need to be and have CBT. I am telling you this for some context. I am not known for being a nag or anything and I am pretty chilled about DHs time/friends/hobbies.
DH has a group of friends from uni- a boy and two girls- and throughout our relationship the friends have been around. The boy- let?s call him Jim- lived with DH when we were first a couple so I know him well. The girls, let?s call them Sally and Jane, I know less well. Sally is my DHs ex, although from when they were 18/19 (we are now late 20s) and not for long. It was more a flash in the pan than anything and I don?t think for a second he fancies her or anything. She is engaged to someone now. I have a very similar friend in my uni gang who I shagged a bit and it never went much further than that. I still see him and it isn?t an issue, so I know the score. Jane is an utter pain in the arse- a real princess, Queen Bee who has to be at the centre of all social plans. We?ve never openly clashed but clearly we aren?t ever going to be best friends and she?s made that clear. Jane and Sally are ridiculously close- Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee style- and in each others business all the time. Whilst we all live within 40 miles of one another we are not all in the same area.
A few weeks ago Jane pitched the idea for a big night out in London to a club night. DH was up for it- he?s not a party animal but liked the idea of a uni reunion. I have no issue with DH going out and I myself often go out independent of DH with my own friends. Not an issue. I wasn?t invited but didn?t expect to be as it was the gang from uni. However as the weeks have gone on more and more people have been added to the mix, people not from uni, a couple of partners of people- and there?s been much talk on Facebook about it. As each week passed I kept expecting to get invited, but DH didn?t mention it. Then when I brought it up he was vague about tickets and said he didn?t actually know if others were going, it was just Facebook chat etc. I?ve become increasingly resentful, but I think I wanted him to say he wanted me there really. He didn?t, though. This came to a head last night when I got upset and said I?d like to come. He said it would be impossible now as the tickets were definitely sold out, but he then got upset and said he wouldn?t go. I said not to be silly and that he should- feeling really bad- and I do want him to have fun- it?s not like I?m some witch of a wife who wants him in with me all the time. But tonight Jim has been here getting ready (he?s staying over) and innocently said ?Oh, aren?t you coming, Dizzy?? and I replied, perhaps a little bitterly that I hadn?t been invited. I didn?t show I was upset but DH clearly knew. I took them to the station and within 5 mins had a text from DH saying ?sorry you?re upset?. I feel petty and childish but I am angry with the girls for excluding me and angry with him for not fighting my corner or insisting that I come and being a bit spineless- or alternatively for just not wanting me to come.
I know it sounds stupid but Sally and Jane are those typical ?popular girls? you knew at school. I was always a geeky girl- still am a bit, lol- but they are still playing the game now, in their late twenties. They?re always out and about, looking fabulous and groomed and just generally being perfect. Don?t get me wrong- I?m not insecure and am happy with myself and my life? but something about these two just makes me feel inadequate in the extreme. I just looked at my FB feed and they?ve both already posted loads of ?hilarious? photos of the pre drinks and of DH and pals having cocktails in her flat before they go out. I just feel as crap as I did when I was 15 and I thought everyone else was out without me.
I know this is massively pathetic and I am just feeling sorry for myself because I?m in and it?s a nice night. My friends aren?t around- best friend is a doctor and often on duty at weird times so this week I have seen her on a weeknight- and for various reasons other friends are busy or elsewhere this weekend. No big deal but I feel so angry and resentful and a) it?s not like me and b) I think I am probably being seriously unreasonable. So, lovely ladies of Mumsnet, snap me out of it please. And thanks so much if you got this far!!