apparently, I need to think about how I talk to DH

[headlesslambrini]

fucking, tossing, bastard, cunting twunt.

er DH, no I don't because you deserve all of that and more. You don't use a funeral as an excuse for a piss up. Disrespectful bastard - apparently it was his best mate, hah well then how come I never met him or even till recently had even heard his name.

Fuck the fuck off DH.

Sorry, need to rant on here till DC's are out of the way. Any advice on how to calm down?

So he's not back within an hour after he told you they hadn't started the food and you text him saying he's taking the piss.
You sound as if you expect him to run after you whistle.
Honestly.

Is the main problem that he came home from a funeral a bit pissed and a bit later than you would have liked, or is the problem that he is a functional alcoholic, who you robably can't rely on for much of the normal family stuff and is this one particular incident the tip of the iceburg, the final straw that breaks the camel's back? If it's the former, YABU. If it's the latter YANBU.

Ignoring today/funeral/dog walking... living with a functioning alcoholic is awful. I did it for a year and then decided this was not how I was going to spend the rest of my life and made him leave.

What are you going to do?

I do think 48 is pretty young for someone to die, actually. I'm 46 and I think I'm very young

I understand you objecting to how he spoke to you - and he absolutely shouldn't have done, but you weren't fair to him either.

If you're worried about how drunk he gets on a regular basis, that's a whole separate issue. If DH went to a funeral and got totally pissed afterwards, I wouldn't care, or be trying to see how drunk he was, and I certainly wouldn't call him over walking the dog or other spurious reasons. But then, he doesn't have a drink problem.

I think your problem is much bigger than how he spoke to you, by the sound of it.

48 is young to die, and by the sound of it ywbu he was at a funeral the dog being hyper or him being home when you decided isn't important in the grand scheme of things, the drinking perhaps but that's what some do at funeral gatherings

Well you sound very unreasonable, if that's how you speak to him. He's an adult - it's entirely up to him how long he stays at the funeral and how pissed he gets. You wanted him to leave early and come home to walk the dog? Really? If someone behaved like that towards me, I'd be asking them to think about how they spoke to me, too.

If you think he is a functioning alcoholic and worry about his drinking, then you should have had an adult conversation with him before he went to the funeral, told him about your concerns for him and his health due to his drinking and asked him, for both your sakes, to rein in on the booze a little. Then it would be up to him as to how he reacted to that information and request. Not rung up with some PA excuse about needing the dog to be walked to check his level of drunkenness and then act like a shrew about what, to most, would be perfectly normal behaviour after the funeral of a mate.

So yes, unless there's some massive backstory here which we aren't privvy to, YABU.

I don't understand the boozing at funeral wakes. I have been to many including a 37 year-old dad of 2. Various ages in this country and in Germany, and not one had booze. Visitors left after 2 hours .

I have to say - outside of the issue of his drinking - it's really not up to you to decide where the deceased gets to rank in importance to your DH.

It may be that the circumstances of knowing someone who has died young (and 40's is young - what's the average life expectancy these days? Late 70's, early 80's?) has triggered some grief or self-reflection or simply scared him - either way he felt deeply enough about it to attend the funeral so I think you should respect that.

Why couldn't you get off your arse and walk the dog?
Why couldn't you deal with the dog and lock it in another room/garden/whatever?

That's generally what people do. Sort things out for themselves instead of demanding their partner comes home instantly.

Get a grip and start respecting him. He is your equal, or should be, not a child to be told what to do and to obey your every command.

I generally find that if you treat people and talk to them like a naughty child they will behave like one.

If my DH phoned me about a fucking dog, then text me while I was at a funeral to tell me he was pissed off at me I'd have stayed out until he'd gone to bed, just to let my rage subside before I saw him.

What's really bothering you op? This isn't just about the funeral is it? It's obviously something much deeper and you are focusing on this rather than the actual root of your problem.

And btw yabu over this but I refuse to believe this level of rage is simply over the funeral.

You're living with an alcoholic - that's what they're like! As someone said upthread: what are you going to do about it? You can't change him, only your circumstances. Lots of sympathy btw - been there, done that

The OP has already said that the level of rage isn't about the funeral.

She has said he is an alcoholic and has used the funeral as an excuse for a bender.

have you thought about asking Jeremy Kyles advice?

YABU getting him to come home from a funeral to check how drunk he was.