Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for pictures from xMIL

16 replies

Mother2many · 07/06/2013 16:42

My 7 yr old is doing a fathers day project at school for her dad. It requires 3 pictures of them together. Since he screwed off when she was 6 wks old, I have very few of them.

I sent xMIL a message on facebook and asked if she has some pictures I could give my daughter. I notice she has been online several times since my request and she has not responded.

I have tagged her in pictures of the kids, just so she has them, and on rare occasion she has thanked me. Even though she has never done anything with them ever..ever...ooops off topic.

Was I being unreasonable to even think about, ask for a picture of them? I explained why to her. (not like I want a picture of them!!!) However, part of me thinks she prob. doesn't have any either! She has never made any attempts to see them, even when I was married.

However, she could of said, she has none. (maybe doesn't want to admit that)

My daughter is wondering....and I refuse to beg.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 07/06/2013 16:46

I'm sure the school are not insisting that the children do a project with such specific requirements when so many may not have a father, or an active father in their lives.

Could she not do the project on someone else, a grandad, uncle, or family friend? Hell, she could do it on you, since her father is absent from her life.

wonderingsoul · 07/06/2013 17:00

you know what. iw ould send pictures of you two together, after all. your playing dad to.

i think its one thing to do a farthers day card, but quite another to do a project over it!!

Bobyan · 07/06/2013 17:03

Could she use ones of your dad instead. Bet you're glad she's an ex-mil!

Nokidshere · 07/06/2013 17:08

I would be very surprised if they had to have pictures of children and dads given that its not unusual these days not to have dad I their lives.

Any school worth their salt would have asked for a picture of the child and someone they loved ... Dad, grandad, stepdad, family friend, uncle....etc

Montybojangles · 08/06/2013 07:28

You,know that on Facebook messages there is an "other" folder don't you? It's quite possible your message has been delivered into that if you aren't friends on fb, so she wouldn't be informed or aware it's there. (speaking from bitter experience).

Do you not have a better way of contacting her more directly, or can you put a message on her actual fb page?

microserf · 08/06/2013 07:38

Another person here who thinks they might be in the other folder. It took me ages to find mine and I had messages that were years old. Is there another way to get in touch with her?

Balaboosta · 08/06/2013 08:05

School is BU for setting a project like this. Families come in all shapes and sizes these days. Some children have two mummies or two daddies. It's not the schools job to draw attention to the shape or flavour of anyone's family. Dont like the idea of scrabbling round on Facebook to try to find xMIL... If child's father / xMIL are both unwilling to play a part in your child's life, that needs dealing with on it's own terms. Nothing to do with pictures for a school project. I can see you perceive that you're just trying to do what the school is asking you to, but IMO you're starting at the wrong end of the problem iyswim. So a. complain really loudly to the school and b. pick your battles.

BrokenBanana · 08/06/2013 08:08

Could you talk to her teacher and explain the situation? They might be able to think of a creative way around it without making your DD feeling left out.

BrokenBanana · 08/06/2013 08:09

Balaboosta how is it unreasonable to set up a Father's Day project at school? The majority of kids will have their father in their lives, why leave those out?

EliotNess · 08/06/2013 08:10

I just cannot imagine a School doing this so specifically.

With so many single parents around she cannot be the only one.

I'd ring and check.

EliotNess · 08/06/2013 08:11

Banana. Because schools don't want to upset kids. As adults perhaps they could rationalise it. As kids you want to be the same as everyone else.

Balaboosta · 09/06/2013 22:47

Fathers day is not an essential part of national life. I disagree about 'majority' of kids... And even if there is just one Kid in the class who could be upset then school is BU.

Original poster
Mother2many · 13/06/2013 15:37

Well, I got a message back from xMIL, she is having problems with her computer... ya.. Hmm

So, I went through mine...I had only ONE ... both of them on the couch, she was a month old...and him. Both not wearing a shirt. Sad... No surprising since he did leave when she was 6 wks old. Made me think about how I have none of the 4 of us as a family, none in the hospital when she was born...none... Made me sad.

He is involved in her life every 2 weeks. Someday she will look back on her childhood pictures and see there are next to none of her and her father.

My older boys father died when they were little...so, it does piss me off the living father will have none.

My DD said, she will have to draw the pictures, as they are making a "book"....

I know there are kids out there that have no father around period. I should just appreciate the little time my X does spend with them....

Sad
OP posts:
sonu678 · 13/06/2013 15:41

does she have a significant male in her life? as in grandfather, uncle, elder brother type?
A dad is somuch more than a sperm donor. In fact, a dad doesnt need to be biologically related at all. Send in pictures of her with whoever has filled in that role for her. Dont get involved with the ex inlaws.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 13/06/2013 16:18

My dcs' school previously asked for photos of dads to use for a wall project. Children who could did as asked, the others didn't. It was no big deal.

Chocovore · 13/06/2013 17:36

Why can't you just ask (or ask your daughter to ask) her father for some pics? Apologies if I have missed something.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page