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To not want to take DS on the bus to see his dad?

16 replies

DotsAndStripes · 07/06/2013 13:51

DS is 10 months, and his dad see's him 2-3 hours a week if that.
He lives 20 minutes away on the bus, and wants me to take DS to him every other visit (after originally demanding I take him every visit).

I have taken him a few times in the past in a taxi, once on the bus, but have said now that he can come to see DS rather than me and DS travelling.
He can't have him at his house share so the location makes no difference to what is available to do during contact.

I have explained that it is not practical taking a buggy on a crowded bus, especially if DS wants carrying, or is screaming after contact as he gets very clingy and upset during/after seeing his dad.

I have also pointed out that I walk to baby groups 3 days a week, and have to do all the usual travelling that comes with being a parent eg. doctors, shopping so on with DS, and so don't think it is too much to expect him to do one bus journey a week without a screaming baby in order to see DS.

I do know parents are usually expected to do 50/50 regarding travelling, but this just seems ridiculous when he does no actual parenting 95%+ of the time.

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 07/06/2013 14:02

i dont think ybu.

i may get flammed for it but i dont care. hes does so little the least he could do is get of his ass and show that he wants to see him, instead of somethig that he HAS to do.

would i be right in that he doesnt pay child support?


Tuckshop · 07/06/2013 14:09

I don't think it's usually expected that parents do 50/50 of the travelling - maybe if they are doing 50/50 of the parenting as well then possibly. My view is that in general if the NRP is doing little of the day to day care then the least they can do is travel to collect and drop off the child/ren.

I think you have done more than enough to facilitate contact with him, and you do all the parenting and hard slog. For 3-4 hours a week he can put himself out and make the journeys. It's definitely not too much to expect.


DotsAndStripes · 07/06/2013 14:10

He actually does now! took 7 months to get the first payment, then 2 months of half the amount asked for but last month was actually nearly the CSA amount! Shock not putting any bets on how long it'll last for though

OP posts:

DotsAndStripes · 07/06/2013 14:12

Tuck you mean 2-3 Wink 4 is too much like hard work it seems!
Glad I haven't been flamed so far, wasn't sure what general opinion would be!

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MrsTerryPratchett · 07/06/2013 14:25

If the choice is who does the travel, then YWBabitU. If the choice is DS miserable on a bus and sees Dad for 2 hours or happy at home and sees Dad for two hours, it really doesn't look like YABU. Why should DS have to travel when it makes no odds WRT stuff available?



Wishiwasanheiress · 07/06/2013 14:26

Ynbu. He's a tit.


Tuckshop · 07/06/2013 14:28

I was being generous! 2-3 hours contact time, 20 minutes on the bus and maybe 10 minutes waiting/walking to the bus stop each way. It doesn't surprise me that he is wriggling out of maintenance as well. Have you thought about putting in a claim to the CSA to get it paid regularly?


DotsAndStripes · 07/06/2013 15:22

I thought about using CSA, but he threatened court if I did, which he could easily afford whereas I can't. Would probably end up worse off overall if I did.

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 07/06/2013 15:29

YANBU. If he wants to see your son he should make arrangements to collect him.


Jengnr · 07/06/2013 15:33

Court for what? No way would a gobshite who can't even be arsed to visit actually want custody.

Let him take you, it's an empty threat.


melika · 07/06/2013 17:02

YANBU he sounds like an asshole.


EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 07/06/2013 18:16

Court for what?


DotsAndStripes · 07/06/2013 18:27

He said 'to lower the CSA amount with overnights'
And while I know he wouldn't want her himself, he regularly tells me about his brother leaving his 2 year old daughter (DSs cousin) with his friends/new girlfriends parents/teenagers babysitters or basically whoever will take her regardless of being strangers to her, most times he has her.

While it could be true, it seems more like a subtle hint at what he would do.

OP posts:

DotsAndStripes · 07/06/2013 18:28

him himself*

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IneedAsockamnesty · 07/06/2013 18:45

Its not the norm at all for contact travel to be 50/50 its usually the nrp that's why the csa can reduce there liability to account for travel but cannot increase payments to a pwc to account for contact related travel.

However if you do start doing it a court would be more likely to order you to continue.


BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 07/06/2013 19:21

2-3 hours a week does not a parent make. He may be the father but he is not a parent. Court is just a stick to beat you with,if he finds travelling 20mins on a bus too difficult,he won't be arsed with court.

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