to think my husband should break wind a BIT more discreetly

[fber]

DH breaks wind every time he goes for a wee REALLY loudly, and at other times too. I'm not talking a bit of a parp, I'm talking thunderpants. I have my own bodily functions and can fart with the best of them, but somehow I manage not to rattle the house each and every time I do it.

At best it's an irritation, but the worst of it is, it's totally turning me off him. He goes for a wee at night before bed, and, well, sex is the last thing on my mind after I've heard him blowing off.

I'm aware that lots of things that I do must irritate him, so, AIBU?

I hate people farting. Gross and disrespectful.

After years of putting up with some right farters I now have a DP who never does it and always smells lovely :o

I'm completely with you on this op, dh walks into the bedroom and farts, then wonders why I'm suddenly not in the mood!

"Farts can be funny, who doesn't love a fart joke, but do not fart when you are in my vagina!"

Now that is a motto I could live my life by. :o

I'm feeling a bit weak at the idea of brushing farts under the carpet. :o

I love farting though. Nothing like a long, sustained note with a nice cadence.

I don't like those deceptive farts that you think are going to be silent but to your horror, end up being bumcheek-rattlers .

At least no one's mentioned sharts yet...

Oh dear, OP, you poor thing. If you can't persuade him to stop, perhaps you'll just have to build the farting in to the foreplay. I suggest whipping out a cigarette lighter and igniting said farts, while having The Doors' "Come on baby, light my fire" playing to enhance the "ambience"

My dh practically shits himself in the bath everyday

Fucking shriek.

Shrek!

I think you need to be blunt.

Next time he gets into bed after he's done it,and thinks he's getting some tell him straight.

Something like 'If you think I'm shagging you after you've shit yerself,you're wrong' should do the trick.

"Farts can be funny, who doesn't love a fart joke, but do not fart when you are in my vagina!"

You make it sound like he's potholing.

First of all - he can't help it. Sometimes when men pee, the muscle relaxing effect relaxes some other muscles too.

Secondly, it's not like he's pinning you to the floor and farting on your face, he's doing a fart in his own damn toilet!

Unless you want to fit a fart silencer to his asshole then live with the fact that your husband has bodily functions, and is even decent enough to save them for the room that is dedicated to that purpose.

both of us fart really loudly in each others presence. Infact, after my second csect, i had weeks of ALOT of farting. I had to do it to release the pain. I really turned into a right fart monster. Anyway, he really didn't mind. I don't mind as long as it's not a really stinky one.

I'm crying laughing at "it's not all come out yet"

lol I do not find farts funny but this thread is hilarious hahahahahahah

Y'think Lakeland stock Fart Diffusers and/or Fart Brushes?

Sorry - Fart Silencer, not Diffuser... Diffuser - a jar of Fart Scent in a bottle! Could come in various stenches...Reek di Egg, Guff au Curry...

"A hint of cabbage"

My DH swears he doesn't force them out but they can't be that loud and frequent if they "just slip out" can they? My family are very proper about bodily functions and farting was a complete taboo growing up, I don't get why anyone could be so unconcerned about doing it in front of others, I'd be mortified if it was me!

My ex used to go to the toilet and pull his bum cheeks apart so I didn't hear him. He said it was tricky as if you pull them too far you'd get the squeak effect, like when you pinch the opening of an inflated balloon.

This all ended after I farted on his leg by accident the third night he stayed over. Will never forget that horrified, suddenly wide awake moment when I whispered 'are you awake?'
He was, and crying with laughter!!

"My ex used to go to the toilet and pull his bum cheeks apart so I didn't hear him. He said it was tricky as if you pull them too far you'd get the squeak effect, like when you pinch the opening of an inflated balloon."

:o

That is bonkers.

"Disrespectful"? Oh for crying out loud!

I have issues with my dp farting all over the house very pungently, but I can't possibly complain about him doing it in the bathroom! Where else can a person fart, if not in their own bathroom?!

Hmmm.

I think every county should have a Farting Zone that people could travel to when they need to fart. It would be an area of fart amnesty and what would happen in the Fart Zone would stay in the Fart Zone, no matter how smelly, squeaky, or sharty.

For Berkshire I nominate Braknell.

Littlepeas and Barmix, you've just had me in tears of laughter! My kids (4 and 1) are looking at the screen to see what's set me off. Just for the record, my DP is just as bad, he reckons nobody can beat him at farting. And he hasn't half done it in some inappropriate situations.... Think weddings, staff meetings at his work, etc.

This thread is hilarious! I remember the days of not wanting to fart in front of my DH when we first started going out even if I was in the bathroom! 17 years later neither of us are worried, we laugh about it. There are far more serious things in the world to be getting upset about other than wind! Which lets face it, we have to do. Those who say they never fart...

If though, it is really noisy get him to keep a food diary to see if certain foods trigger the noise and, ahem, pungency, and if cutting them out improves the situation.