Will I ever get over this.

[justanotherNC]

Christmas time My DH accused me of having an affair. I would never do that.

Things have been fine since, but i am still angry that the man i married could have so little trust in me.

Is there a way i can overcome this.

I just don't get why he was worried. I was happy.

Cant belive this is all because of sex

I know. I'm sure trying to imagine what he was thinking is just making it worse. Really, again, a talk is needed, sorry to be repetitive.

And re: the sex, well, everyone goes through cycles of more/less/none, but if he saw that you were unusually happy and it coincided with your not wanting to have sex, it's not so strange for him to have been a bit worried.

I understand why you are upset but you are not seeing it from his side of things either.

You were happy but he wasn't happy. If he was happy too, do you think he would have asked if you were having an affair? For him to ask, he must not have been in a happy place in the relationship.

If he was doing all the things you did, you have to admit that you would be suspicious and maybe instead of asking him about an affair, you might have been snooping to see if there was an affair.

I have precious little sympathy for your husband. You did something for yourself, something for your health and he jumped to the conclusion you did it for someone else. The basic lack of respect would really really hurt me.

There have been times in our marriage where the sex has been few and far between, were through work, kids, tiredness we've been a bit distant, not clicking as such. My husband has asked me in the past if I'm happy, am I alright?, anything worrying me. Not once has he accused me of fucking around.

I really understand why you feel so angry if an affair is the first thought that crossed his mind.

he was obviously hurting to ask you, so why have you turned it round?
its not a crime to feel suspicious. you should feel sad that he lost some trust, not angry.

I understand your hurt but I also understand his suspicions. I think it's very sad that you felt you had to put the weight back on and account for every movement. I 'd question the 'just because of sex' comment unless this have never been a big part of your relationship. Surely that is quite a fundamental thing to change?
Hopefully he can talk to you about it and you can move on.

I can see both sides here.

Imagine if a woman posted on here, saying her husband had emotionally withdrawn from her and there was no intimacy in there relationship anymore, and now he has started paying more attention to his appearance, buying new clothes, losing weight and getting a new hairstyle. Everyone would be shouting affair or LTB!

I can see that you may have been feeling unhappy with who you were, so made a change to improve your sense of self. That your DH accusing you of something you would never consider being incredibly hurtful, but you do need to get past that.

I really don't think he was accusing you because he was feeling guilty, I think he was just terrified he was going to lose you. I believe you would both benefit from some couples counselling to get past this. I really hope you manage to sort it out.

See the issue as his problem. It's HIS insecurity that led to the accusation.

Keep talking but try to forgive. Forgiveness is key.

You seem to be focussed on you. Your feelings obviously matter but so,do his. As someone up thread said, if that had been a woman posting the changes in her husband an affair would almost certainly be mentioned.

You cannot disassociate your behaviour from how he was feeling. It's true that we are not responsible for how others feel but we have to take some responsibility for our actions playing a part in those feelings.

Lack of communication seems to be the problem here. Did you talk to him about making lifestyle changes? Tell him how you were feeling and why you wanted to change? Sudden unexplained changes in a persons behaviour would absolutely lead to feelings of insecurity in a partner. That insecurity without communication would fester and cause further negative feelings.

Asking if you were having an affair was almost certainly not the beginning of his insecurity, he had probably been feeling like it for some time and trying to find explanations for it all.

You need to talk. Properly and honestly and listen well to what each of you has to say.