Has a friend ever approached you about your child's behaviour?

[confoosed]

What did they say and how did you take it? I am asking because I did this once before and it was a total and utter nightmare. I am now in the situation again (much less intense but something that I would want to know if I was this child's mum) and want to do it without falling out or offending.

An aquaintance once asked me if DD2 had ADHD or similar because she seemed so similar to her son who has ADHD and Aspergers.

I took no offense but dd2 was already under assessment for behavioral difficulties when she asked.

I don't think I would have been offended anyway. I know dd2 is not an easy child.

Yes, a friend was doing her HNC on childcare at college and asked if I thought my DC may have ADHD, actually 2 people said it to me.

I wasn't offended, I thought he was/is.

Thanks DOin , that is helpful. This child is generally lovely and her mum is a dear friend but the little girl has been writing some unkind things online that I am certain her mum isn't aware of. Last night she wrote something unkind to my Dd. Not absolutely terrible but hurtful. Dd came to tell me, she then wrote that she was hurt and came offline straight away. I do

I know I need to say something but am so afraid of causing a hideous falling out. I am not gutless, honestly but am still dealing with the fall out from last time I had to approach something like this. Need some MN wisdom on what to say.

Thanks also Diary, that is helpful to know.

Yes, a friend spoke to me about an incident in which DS and her kids were all part of, but DS had done something especially undesirable, which affected one of her kids, and apart from anything else, she knew I would want to know. Which I did.

She didn't come to me all guns blazing or outraged, but calmly, neutrally, and prepared for me to have a pov from DS's perception of the incident.

It was all ok. Helped us strengthen our ability to look after each other's kids on the 'it takes a village' principle.

I would say something like ' I don't know how close you are to 's online activity, but you might like to know that she is using FB to say things like *. My Dd is quite upset, and has said so, so I hope it won't escalate from here'.

Yes, on more than one occasion . My friends and I have a sort of informal agreement that we will tell each other if we learn anything inappropriate about our children (think teenage boys ) It started because they all started saying that 'everyone has an iphone' (or similar) - when we compared notes NO CHILD had one. Anyway, I know that is nothing to do with behaviour (apart from lying) but I would approach a situation like your's as 'I know this isn't easy for either us but if this was my DD I would really want to know so can I just show you ................. (print screen shot or whatever). I would then leave it at that - don't get involved in the details or the punishment (or not) of the situation. Try to wind up the conversation immediately, just state the facts.

Just say, "I'm talking to DD about being kind online, I think we need to remind them".

That way no one feels that there is any finger pointing.

Years ago my dd behaved badly at a friend's house - she was selfish and unkind (teenage hormones i think). My friend told me without being rude or making judgements and i spoke to DD. i think the trick is not to blame or sound snotty

Yes what Blu said. I would want to know what my DS was saying/doing online, I can only stalk see so much, so I would mention it, my eldest language was becoming terrible at one point, I think he thought he looked cool or kl

I have an agreement with most people around here with DC of that age that we let each other know if they are up to anything not good.

When DD started having friends over and visiting, we'd always say "shall we exchange bellowing rights?" Of course, if you had to say something, you always let the other DM or DF know at pickup, so the DC got it in the neck twice.

Happy days, when they were all tiny. She's off to college in September

PS: Sorry, I'm new. And a bloke. You needn't be gentle.

Is her mum a fb friend? My best friends teenage daughter was writing some sad posts on fb and when I saw her mum i just asked if she had seen any of her daughters posts, and that I may of been reading them wrong but they sounded as if she was a little unhappy at present. Mum checked and was thankful for the pointer.

I sometimes look after my DGSon and l sometimes forget when DD is with me and just automatically bellow at him if he does or is about to do something very wrong/dangerous/likely to cause damage and DD looks at me like this .

I think l only have 'bellowing rights' in the absence of his mother maybe Disgrace

Oh and l once fell out with a very good friend when l caught her son aged about 8 or 9 leaving our house with a couple of my sons 'he-man' figures in his pockets - the very ones that my son had earlier said he wouldn't swap with him. He still had his own two in his pocket aswell and it was just the deviousness of it tbh that annoyed me. So l told her in a non aggressive way but l guess there's no good way to tell someone their DS is a thief l suppose (not that l used that word l hasten to add)

A very good friend of mine told me that DD had stolen some money from their house. I was, of course, mortified. I told DD to return it immediately and write a letter of apology. We are all still really good friends. Luckily, my friend has not held it against DD and I did not take offence. I was glad she had told me.

Thanks so much everyone, I had to go out for a few hours but your stories and advice have made me feel a bit more optimistic about broaching this. The trouble is I get so worried about saying things like this that they often come out in a sort of either overly apologetic way or an overly emotional way. I would absolutely want to be told if it was Dd though. I think I have thought of what I am going to say. I may well let you know how it went, thanks again.