Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not want a house full of kids on the first night we move?

17 replies

MyGrain · 06/06/2013 09:39

So DP and I are moving into our first house together next Saturday. DP normally as his kids on a saturday night but this means his kids will be coming over when everything is all over the place and nothing is set up properly. My kids will be at their dads house that night.

So I've suggested to DP that he have his kids on the Friday night instead that week so on the Saturday night it's just me and him there and we can get the house properly set up before we're both back at work on the Monday (if his kids come on the saturday they'll be there all sunday too and we won't get anything done). I love his kids, they're great and I want them over as much as he does ---- just not on the first night in! I've even got 'rid' of my own kids that night for the same reason.

He says he "sees my point" but not sure what that means.

Aibu?

OP posts:

thebody · 06/06/2013 09:40

Think its sensible unless they are old enough to help you.

Bejeena · 06/06/2013 09:43

Well put this the other way around, if you were the kids mother wouldn't you be on here moaning about the fact that your ex now wants to swap nights at short notice because it suits him better?

Of course if you are confident that it would make no difference to their mother at all if your DP has them on Friday or Saturday then maybe YANBU, but perhaps should have suggested to him before so DP could plan it with his ex?

Oh and kids won't care about stuff everywhere.

Original poster

MyGrain · 06/06/2013 09:46

I did, I suggested it weeks ago but DP has a lovely habit of burying his head in the sand until the very last minute and then springing stuff on people.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 06/06/2013 10:54

If the only time he sees his kids is a Saturday night then going 2 weeks without seeing them seems a long time as surely having them the night before the move will just be chaotic.
People don't usually dump their kids when they move house they take them with them, from the title of the thread it sounds as though you are moaning about other people's kids but these are your kids/stepkids so I'd just accept that if you have kids then moving is a bit chaotic. I'd rather have a bit of chaos than make children feel unwelcome

ENormaSnob · 06/06/2013 10:59

2rebecca, the op wants to change the sat to the fri, not skip a week altogether.

Yanbu

I really wouldn't be bothered if ds1 dad (my ex) did this. It's just sensible imo.

D0GWithAYoni · 06/06/2013 11:00

Makes sense to change night IMO

MerylStrop · 06/06/2013 11:01

YANBU except perhaps it is probably now very short notice for their mum.
And you will presumably be busy packing and cleaning on the Friday?

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 06/06/2013 11:01

How old are they?

If they are under 4 then YANBU.

tootdelafruit · 06/06/2013 11:03

what ages are the Dc?

could you have a family member keep them for a few hours saturday to give you and DP a chance to get beds made up and the sofa/table/microwave in place?

i moved house with just my dad's help and had my (just turned) 2 year old and 5 year old with me. it really was ok. i made sure their beds were made up first so i could get them to bed and then get stuck into sorting other stuff out.

EuroShaggleton · 06/06/2013 11:05

The Friday night will be just as busy for you as the Saturday, tbh.

tootdelafruit · 06/06/2013 11:06

what helped was to have a small overnight bag packed with PJ's and a change of clothes for all of us for the next day plus toothpaste/showergel etc. that way we didn't even need to rummage for clothes.

tootdelafruit · 06/06/2013 11:08

yes the day before moveday was more stressful as i had a deadline to be out of the house by on the next day, but once in the new house there was deadline by which everything had to be sorted out so i could take my time- it doesn't matter that everything isn't in it's 'permanent' place on the first night- as long as there are mattresses to sleep on.

cherhorowitz · 06/06/2013 11:10

I don't think YABU. Moving is tough as it is and it's not double standards as your children will be away for the night too.

The only problem I can see is if their mother has plans as she thinks it's all set and won't be pleased to change them on short notice. If she's fine with the arrangement that's great, if not you are only being unreasonable not to have told her sooner (or rather your DP is as he's known and agreed beforehand).

tootdelafruit · 06/06/2013 11:10

all that being said- i'd swap nights with my ex if he needed me to and i had no plans.

Tuckshop · 06/06/2013 11:15

I don't think it's an unreasonable request. As an RP it would only be a problem to me if I had made arrangements to work or do something. Is he just someone who doesn't get his act together where things like this are concerned, or is there a tricky history with his ex?

Bogeyface · 06/06/2013 11:16

YANBU but if I was his ex I would be pissed off that he had left it until the last minute.

Snorbs · 06/06/2013 11:51

As others have said it's not an unreasonable request in itself but the fact that your DP has left it to the last minute makes it unreasonable.

Sometimes things unavoidable really do crop up last minute that make a change of plan necessary. But a house move is normally something you know about weeks in advance. A lack of planning on his part doesn't constitute an emergency on his ex's part.

Flip