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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel cheated?

36 replies

ariane5 · 05/06/2013 22:55

I really feel as if I've been cheated out of enjoying ds2 (he is my last dc). He's 13 months old and took his first step yesterday and I felt such a pang of sadness that it was the last first step I will ever see if you know what I mean.

I promised myself when I was pregnant that I would really make the most of it, planned to go to baby massage classes, walks with the pram, mother and baby groups, make home made food (avent baby food steamer/blender still in box, ds2 has jars Sad).I feel like 13 months has just gone and I didn't do any of the things I wanted to and feel cheated. I won't ever have another and I just feel so sad.I feel like I didn't make the most of the baby days at all.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 06/06/2013 22:31

I think I worry most about his speech as ds1 still has speech therapy and he was so similar to ds2.

He does say "yes" (used to pronounce it "arse!") Usually when he goes to touch the bin or tv-things he knows I say "no" to when he touches them!
That's all he says though. He babbles dada a lot but doesn't say it to dh!
He took his first steps 2 days ago and has done 6 steps today so doing really well.

I do worry about his food but he has porridge and fruit for breakfast and jars/pouches/soya yogurt for other meals, I just never have much time sadly for anything else.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 06/06/2013 22:33

I sympathise. I feel I have missed a lot since I got ill and I feel they miss out too. Their young years are just zooming by :(

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 06/06/2013 22:41

Oh love - it sounds like an enormous amount of work :( Diagnosis of diabetes is hard to come to terms with, time consuming and very worrying - cut yourself some slack.

If your DH finds it hard to cope with them all on his own for a few hours I think he's being a completely selfish wankering bastard to go away for 10 days & I would be telling him that if he goes - to not bother coming back. Of course he deserves a holiday - but not at your expense. YOU deserve a bloody holiday. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

As for his parents - I'd be telling them to fuck the fuck off with all that shit unless they are offering to have the children for 10 days so the pair of you can go on holiday.

Grrrrrrrrr

Find your inner roar and let loose on him - or invite me around - I wont hold back.

Wanker.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 06/06/2013 22:42

He's young yet - try not to worry about him, my friends DS didn't say anything other than 'ball' until he was 3, now he's 7 and doesn't shut up - very bright and a great imagination! He was just quietly taking it all in :)

neontetra · 06/06/2013 22:46

Sounds like he is eating a varied diet then. I honestly think there is a lot of crap spoken about jars, pouches etc for babies. The law dictates that they cannot contain large amounts of salt etc. I've tried some pouches i've given to dd, and they really tasted quite nice - better than the stuff I concoct for her!

As for the speech - my db said no consonants at all till he was nearly 3 - he now has a v impressive.job and a pay-packet you wouldn't believe! Try not to worry
(Don't think your ds is behind, anyway. He is speaking at 13 months - totally fine).

Original poster
ariane5 · 06/06/2013 22:47

I was astounded that BIL suggested the holiday to dh (in jan-1 mth after dd2 diagnosis of diabetes) and MIL has been pushing, going on that dh needs a holiday so much etc etc it drives me mad.
I can't believe he is going really he knows how it takes both of us to manage things, especially nights but he turning a blind eye.
Originally I was told it was 5 days, then 7 and recently learnt it was 10 days.
Just want it over then I'm hiding his passport.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 06/06/2013 23:05

Ariane, you need to tell your husband that he cannot go. If he was mione I think I'd be telling him not to come back if he goes on this trip knowing how things are with you and that you need him.

A man who will not do right by you is not a man worth having!

chiefpastachef · 06/06/2013 23:06

Are they going to help out while he is away. Seems only fair as it was their idea ......

Original poster
ariane5 · 06/06/2013 23:27

Mil never helps. She's not a particularly nice person.

I'm sort of hoping dh will realise himself that he can't go. I'm having a minor op next week, dd2 due a hernia op soon plus all the other issues going on I hope he just decides not to but with mil/bil in his ear all the time I expect he will go.

If I put my foot down I can see that the fallout from it will be terrible. Any excuse for mil to have a go!
Hoping he sees sense.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 07/06/2013 13:11

If she wants to have a go, you can tell her to fuck off, you know. Lovely, you need to come to the realisation that what everybody else wants is not more important that what you want. Realistically, what can they do? Scream and shout and whine, but it is perfectly okay to ignore her and to tell your husband that as his wife you should be his priority.

I don't think you can rely on him to come to this conclusion by himself - for some people they really do need to have it hammered home and if he won't change then you have to decide whether you want to live your life at the bottom of the pile, or whether you'd be better off going it alone.

Have you asked him when your well deserved 10 day break is going to happen?

God, I loathe selfish men!

Ghanagirl · 07/06/2013 13:22

I know where you coming from, I have twins and so we are not having any more children, but really wish i'd enjoyed baby years more as at the time thought it was really hard work, but looking back it was a picnic compared to the stresses of school run yearsGrin

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