Just to totally avoid this woman?

[WinkyWinkola]

She used to be a friend until I realised she was taking the p*ss wrt favours from me usually school pick ups and looking after her dcs.

I called her on it and she went bonkers, trying to bitch about me to a couple of our mutual friends.

She's extremely popular (school gate stuff), needs to be centre of attention and very competitive. She has to win the mums race, attend every social and generally be the best.

All that is fine but I genuinely feel that she has competed with me in the past for friends. It's very odd. I've just backed off totally as I'm not interested in that kind of dynamic in my life. I've backed off from the friends she was pursuing too.

Thing is there are lots of social events for the school mums. I don't go to many but there is a breakfast gathering next week. I've said I'd go but now I know she's going and I'd really rather not. It'll just be her holding court which again is fine if that's her bag but I don't fancy doing that.

Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? I will just not be going to occasions she is at. Which means school socials that happen every term. So I lose out on potential friends?

She will barely acknowledge me during term time but in the holidays always wants to book play dates. She called me 3 times one morning and then called dh twice at work because I wasn't answering. I was busy and partly avoiding.

Our dcs are the same age and friends so there are some things we are inevitably going to have to do together but where I can, I just want totally detach even if means being a bit isolated in terms of school socials.

Long and garbled. Sorry.

Why don't you invite some of the other women to supper at yours?

I know a very similar-sounding woman who used to hack me right off until I realised that actually, her heart is always in the right place. She always means well - just socially inept/insecure enough that she has to dominate every conversation, she has to top-trump you in every anecdote. But once I worked out that behind all that bollocks she was kind and well-meaning, and that that was why she had the adoring friends, I could cope with her a lot better and I'm very fond of her now.

So your woman - any chance she's the same? Any redeeming features? Because if you could find some, it would help your social life.

Isolating yourself is fine but you will eventually isolate your children as well.

Smile, nod and move on.

If she is as unstable as you say eventually others will see through her as well. If you've dropped off the map until then they won't suddenly rush to you and tell you that you were right all along.

Yes, I was wondering how responsible I should feel wrt my dcs social life.

I would never expect or want the other mums to rush to me, telling me I'm right.

I'm right in terms of my experience of her. She may be different with others. I don't need others to validate my opinion of her. Just advice with how to handle it.

I am the worst judge of people,I usually take everyone at face value and like you it takes me a while to spot people like your stamping friend.
I am however happy enough being a social outcast if it means I don't have to deal with crap like your friends.
School socials are not the only outlet for making friends, and often puts together people who have nothing in common apart from their DC being friends.
Give it the summer, keep her at a distance,you will feel the anger you feel now will go and it will be easier to be civil to her.

Don't cut yourself off from others tht you do like just because of one dimbo.

Come up with strategies to cope with her wankery. When she cuts in whilst you're speaking, a cheery "Sorry, I hadn't finished what I was saying" should do it. Become an expert at steering the conversation away from her when she won't STFU about herself. let her run out of steam and then say "ANYWAY, Linda. Where are YOU going on your holidays?"

Don't let her intimidate you, either.You have as much right to be at these events as she does. I bet there are more people, at least one or two, in the group that feel the same as you. Bide your time and you shall find them and bitch about her together.

I hope to escape and never to talk of her again!

I would keep ut of all that school mummy stuff and avoid! Just because you don't want to be involved with it does not make you socially isolated! I am sure that op has other friends and activities not to do with school

If ts something you really want to go to, marmalade has some great ideas to put her in her place

Wow. I'm always amazed when I read on here of some of the behaviour that goes on at the school gates. Do some people regress to about 15 years of age the minute they get back near a school or something? I can't think of anywhere else where a group of adults would get away with such bitchy, queen beeing, childish behaviour. If they carried on like that in a workplace or an evening class or somesuch they'd be considered total loons.

Slight off topic tangent
But what's a "Wendy"?

It was a previous very popular thread but can't remember its title. OP called her Wendy - so a women like that i.e Alpha wannabe, manipulative, stirrer, back-biting bitch with a talent for drawing a circle of fans into her web etc.
Unfortunately too many posters knew a woman like that .

I have had experiences with a Wendy-type at my DC's school. We were friends and then suddenly she decided we weren't, and has really divided and conquered and got a lot of other mums at the school onside, who now give me the cold shoulder. In fact, I've just seen the Facebook status of one of the other mums saying that they all had a wonderful night out last night and there are about 15 other mums tagged from the school in it. I wasn't invited. Needless to say, I know who organised that night out...

She also seems to have taken it upon herself to seek out friends of mine and befriend them. Luckily she hasn't turned any against me, but one or two have been a bit cool with me. I've tried to talk about it to a couple of other school mums but she is the kind of person that people will not have a bad word said about. It amazes me that no one seems to realise what she is doing!

I am letting her get on with it, and just hoping that at some point others will realise what she is like. Not sure that people ever do with people like that though?

And I've made a mental note never to become friends with that type of person again. I'm a crap judge of character though. I never normally know someone is that type until they've actually done something to me! What are the signs to look out for?

Dreads starting Primary< :(

My DTS is a cheeky bugger, always been fearful he's be 'judged' by school gate mums. Now I'm worried they'll judge me too!

I think all us normal mums need to meet up with our happy DC and eat cake Have happy chats.

I don't think my 'friend' is nasty per se.

I just think she is desperate to be top dog in everything. She's always out at bars and restaurants in London (always updated on FB), always massively overdrawn but can't stop shopping, needs to be involved in every event otherwise she gets upset.

It must be exhausting having to do all that. It will never end for her.

I'm now starting to feel sorry for her! But will keep my distance.

Winky, funnily enough the woman I know is the same, especially about the shopping. And everything has to be documented on Facebook. check ins at Jamie Oliver restaurants, tagging of people at wedding receptions, albums full of photos of every night out.

I wonder why she feels the need to actively isolate you, FilthyCar.

At least my Wendy doesn't appear to be actively malicious in that way.

Lying low is definitely the best option.

Stop giving her so much head space and get with your life.