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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not mark our anniversary tomorrow

14 replies

LEMisdisappointed · 05/06/2013 10:54

DP and I have been together for 21 years tomorrow Shock

We have had our rough times recently, but things are good now between us and we will be spending the rest of our lives together.

So why don't i feel moved to "celebrate" at all? Firstly, we don't really have the money, no babysitter so we can go out. I am a useless cook and also have all the food in for this week and there is nothing exciting to have. Secondly, neither of us have mentioned it, this will because DP is missing a part of one of his chromosomes that contains the remembering important stuff gene and me because i just kind of want to not do it because if i can't make it special then id rather not bother.

Im a mean grunchy old grump aren't i?

Why do i feel like this when things between us are better than they have been for quite some time?

OP posts:
londone17 · 05/06/2013 10:56

Congratulations. Yanbu, you just sound content.

VulvaVoom · 05/06/2013 11:16

It's my wedding anniversary tomorrow and we're not celebrating either, we don't have the money or babysitter and so it will be a normal day for us. I'm not bothered in the least.

Original poster
LEMisdisappointed · 05/06/2013 11:27

Congratulations to you too vulva :)

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 05/06/2013 11:40

Happy anniversaries both of you. I hope you both find a way of having nice days even if they're not celebratey, IYSWIM

Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 11:43

When I read the 'we will be spending the rest of our lives together' line, I was expecting a but I am planning to murder him soon so that won't be very long to follow.

It just seemed a strange thing to say ie 'we will be' rather than 'we want to'.

Can't you just get each other a card to mark the occasion and leave it at that. It seems a shame to ignore it completely, especially if you've been through a rough patch.

littlefishexpat · 05/06/2013 14:22

If this is your first anniversary after the rough times use it as an opportunity to set the tone for future anniversaries.

If there are no funds just write him a love letter and have a cuddle.

If you're a whimsical person you could even declare it your second first anniversary and see it as a completely new beginning!

Is there a teeny tiny part of you that doesn't want to celebrate because you're not completely through the rough times? Is there leftover unresolved resentment?

zipzap · 05/06/2013 14:29

Could you do something like buy a bottle of wine to have with your supper just to make it a bit different?

Would any of your food last an extra day so you can juggle it around and have a take away tonight? Or a nice ready meal so that you didn't have to cook?

Original poster
LEMisdisappointed · 05/06/2013 14:32

Bearbehind - romance isn't dead yet Grin

Littlefish - i am suffering from depression just now (not associated with DP), we have money worries but i really feel that we are strong as a couple and we WILL be spending the rest of our lives together, im pretty sure of that.

I spoke to him on the phone earlier and i did mention tomorrow - as i didn't want to get all sorry for myself if he forgot - he remembered (i think) He wanted to have the day off work but its not really possible - we do that if we can, he said, we'll do something. I might say to him tonight that i actually don't want to do anything specific - maybe a walk with DD if its a nice evening. I do have some clubcard vouchers for pizza express but that only covers food and splashing out on wine would be a no no this week, id rather wait until we can.

I don't want to buy a card - i don't want someone else's smultzy sentiments, despite always buying soppy cards in the past, i just want to tell him i love him, that is all.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMisdisappointed · 05/06/2013 14:33

zipzap - we have wine most evenings Blush or beer :)

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 05/06/2013 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 15:54

I dont think you have to make a big fuss about anniversarys.

I never give my husband a card and never expect one either. We sometimes have a meal out but more often than not stay in.

My DH does always buy me a bunch of yellow flowers (my wedding colour)as I am always so chuffed to get these, he usually pretends hes forgotten just for fun too.

cricketballs · 05/06/2013 18:16

At least you have both remembered Grin. A couple of years ago dh and I just happened to go out for a meal and whilst we were chatting suddenly realised that we had both forgot our aniversary 4 days before Blush.

Fakebook · 05/06/2013 18:55

Wow, 21 years? We stopped celebrating after 2. It's still a special day, but not celebrated with big gestures.

Original poster
LEMisdisappointed · 06/06/2013 21:24

So, this morning i woke up to a card and chocolates :) Naff card, but the words DP wrote made me cry. I bought him a card today from the uni shop, not an anniversary card but still a nice card. Then we went to the beach and had fish and chips, we took DD and I had a bottle of champagne in the fridge that I was bought for xmas by ex boss. It was just perfect - DD had a great time the seagulls did ok out of our left over chips and DP and I enjoyed a nice chat and are now slightly inebriated :) OK, so it wasn't a table for two in a romantic expensive restaurant, but it was so much more than we intended to do. I don't think im going to forget this anniversary for a good long while Grin

So, littlefishexpat - I hope this really does set the tone :)

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