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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's completely insensitive to slag off my sons school to me when you have no experience of the school yourself?

23 replies

Owllady · 05/06/2013 10:21

It's ofsted outstanding school
small class sizes
nice mix of children
excellent teaching and leadership

but it's not the school to be seen at.

Our catchment school in naice village but oversubscribed and the naice peoples children cannot get in so they are being allocated my sons school as it's the closest under subscribed school and it's just awful Some woman has said to me today that it's okay for my son to go there but over her dead body would hers go as he isn't as robust as mine. I mean wtf?! I end up hitting repeat 'there is nothing wrong with the school'

It's just the wrong audience to vent your anger at the school system to. fair enough be angry with that but don't be horrible about my sons school and the children that go there

I can't be alone in this

There are worse things to worry about in my life but this morning this has annoyed me Blush

OP posts:
RobotLover68 · 05/06/2013 10:22

YANBU

Exactly the same has happened to me over my choice of Secondary schools - the offender was putting her child in for 11+ - he didn't pass it, guess which school he is going to?

MidniteScribbler · 05/06/2013 10:23

Correct response is "oh gosh no, you definitely shouldn't send your child here. We don't want our children mixing with your type." Then walk away and leave them to stew on it.

Flyonthewindscreen · 05/06/2013 10:25

YANBU for being annoyed at this. It is very rude to slag off someone else's child's school and worse to be nasty about the other children who go there. I would be a bit Grin at her describing her pfb as "not robust enough" though. Poor flower...

ladymariner · 05/06/2013 10:25

Correct response is "oh gosh no, you definitely shouldn't send your child here. We don't want our children mixing with your type." Then walk away and leave them to stew on it.

This ^

wordfactory · 05/06/2013 10:28

Oh people have said all manner of things to me about my DC's school!

'Oh my God isn't that school a hot house. Aren't all the children unhappy.'

Yes, indeed. I deliberately chose a school where I could be 100% certain my DC would be unhappy!

iseenodust · 05/06/2013 10:36

YANBU
"You're upset? This influx will ruin our lovely class sizes."

ApplePippa · 05/06/2013 10:50

YANBU

I am fed up to the back teeth of defending our choice of school for autistic DS (he starts reception in Sept). We live in a "naice" area, but the school we've chosen for him is in the more socially mixed end of town. The school is waaaay more clued up on sn than the "naice" school, and feels completely right for DS.

I've had friends express horror that we've actually chosen this school. Yet they know absolutely nothing about it!

Whojamaflip · 05/06/2013 11:02

We have had this about our choice of secondary school for ds - currently at the naice over-subscribed village school (catchment for us).

It is assumed that everyone will go to 2 certain schools with the reputation for being the local "grammar" schools but ds is for the local high - ofsted outstanding, fantastic pastoral care and a brand new science block which will suit ds down to the ground.

Through my job I know the other 2 schools and for various reasons would prefer my dcs did not go there. (one was very proud of the fact that they had no pupils with sn at the school Hmm - in their words "its not really the right school for children like that! Shock )

Each to their own but please do not treat me as if I am stupid for choosing that school - I have my reasons.

Yanbu

Ezza1 · 05/06/2013 11:23

I despair of school snobbery.

Mine went to the local inner city primary which at one point in their schooling was under special measures. I kept them there when others left in their droves as they were settled and doing well. They went on to the local secondary which historically had a terrible reputation but I gave my children the choice of which secondary school they wanted to go to and stuck with it. All of their friends went to 'better' schools in a different county.

DC1 is an A* student. DC2 is following suit.

valiumredhead · 05/06/2013 13:52

Why do you care what this person said? Ignore and roll your eyes.

Original poster
Owllady · 05/06/2013 14:02

I don't know why I care, I get really defensive and pissed off about it in private because so many people slag off the school who have never been and I suppose i feel loyal to the school and that community. I don't like the idea that some people think their children are somehow better than other peoples either and are therefore more deserving. But you are right, I don't actually care about this woman anyway Confused and I am happy with the school, it's lovely and he is very happy

I have really bad PMT today as well, so i am blowing everything out of proportionShock but I am glad I am not being unreasonable Wink

OP posts:
freddiefrog · 05/06/2013 14:02

YANBU

My children go to our local village school. We love it. But it's not Ofsted rated Outstanding. It's actually 'good with outstanding features' but that's by the by

So the school to go to was the one in the next village and the school snobbery had been a sight to behold over the last few years

Except that 2 years ago, the head left and it's gradually gone downhill and is now merely satisfactory.

Cue mass exodus of all the parents who couldn't have possibly sent their children to our school, and now they're telling everyone in earshot how amazing it is.

All I hear now is that 'no one in their right mind' could send their child to the other school, from the very same people who bitched left right and centre about our school

It makes me laugh

fromparistoberlin · 05/06/2013 15:02

i get this from our local cunts parents

why? other school has more middle class white faces

REALLY Annoys me too op

fromparistoberlin · 05/06/2013 15:02

Ezza1

yay!!!!!!

ColdWindsOfSuburbia · 05/06/2013 15:10

I've just moved house, and consequently from a school like yours, to the most over-subscribed, in demand primary in a 10 mile radius.

The 'outstanding' school is utter pants. (see my other thread on this). They just don't work as hard as our last school. Everything feels like its too much trouble. I miss our friendly,enthusiastic old school.

The lollipop man apparently told my friend that she was really lucky to have got in. According to him, the other school is full of 'Pakis, Poles and proles'. Hmm

'nuff said.

Biscuitsareme · 05/06/2013 15:10

annoys me too. Had a similar thing recently with someone who assumed my child was not going to 'that' school (socially and ethnically mixed). She then made a comment about a child of Italian parents, who happens to go to that school, being 'a bit of a thug' (he isn't) as 'Italian children often are' Hmm. Each to their own though.

GeorgianMumto5 · 05/06/2013 15:12

Yanbu, it's insensitive and annoying. I know someone like this. She chose an out of catchment school and has offered me all sorts of reasons (I never asked , but fair enough if she wants to chat about it) why she chose that and not the in-catchment school, which is where my DC go. I don't mind where she sends her child, but I do correct her when she cites reasons that are overly critical of our school and also incorrect. She seems to want me to validate her decision, which is odd, because I actually don't give a toss what she does with her life. I do mind, however, when she trots out ignorant, ill-informed and inaccurate claims about our local school and then tells anyone else who will listen.

Mind you, at least mine was just a bit thick ill-informed. Yours is downright rude! 'Robust'?!?

MrsBodger · 05/06/2013 15:13

Someone told me that all the children at my children's secondary were on drugs.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/06/2013 15:24

Oh I have that with ds2 primary. It's actually a really lovely school but there are "better" (according to ofsted) schools in the area so whilst they are all oversubscribed and you have to live 3 inches from the gate, ds2 school generally gets allocated to people who wouldn't dream of putting it on their list.

It was my first choice school and people are always amazed at this. Because its only a "good" school and people don't have to pitch a tent on the grounds to get in

I picked it because I l

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/06/2013 15:30

Sorry.
Because I loved the feel of the school when I visited, they were so welcoming and friendly, the reception teacher took a lot of time to talk to us, tell us about the classes, what they would be learning. But people still feel the need (5 years on) to say "but why did you pick this school? Why didn't you appeal for x or y or z? Are you not worried that he isn't learning anything and getting left behind.

Well I didn't appeal for x or y or z because they were not my 1st or 2nd choice in the first place.

As for being worried he is not learning anything, do people actually think I decided to sit down and pick a school where ds2 would learn nothing and be left behind? Is that likely to be the first point I look for in a school?

I think by year 4 I would know if he was "left behind"
Or not learning anything

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/06/2013 15:31

Sorry.
Because I loved the feel of the school when I visited, they were so welcoming and friendly, the reception teacher took a lot of time to talk to us, tell us about the classes, what they would be learning. But people still feel the need (5 years on) to say "but why did you pick this school? Why didn't you appeal for x or y or z? Are you not worried that he isn't learning anything and getting left behind.

Well I didn't appeal for x or y or z because they were not my 1st or 2nd choice in the first place.

As for being worried he is not learning anything, do people actually think I decided to sit down and pick a school where ds2 would learn nothing and be left behind? Is that likely to be the first point I look for in a school?

I think by year 4 I would know if he was "left behind"
Or not learning anything

Original poster
Owllady · 06/06/2013 10:23

That is what I find Tantrums. Every time a child leaves our catchment school to go somewhere else (often our school Hmm) I get people saying, well have you not tried to get your ds in? can you not ring the school? etc and I have to again say no, he is happy where it is, it's a good school.

I don't really want to over share as this make me quite identifiable (though maybe it doesn't given some of your responses), but I have even had someone say to me did I really want my son mixing with children off a council estate :( and I said it did not bother me at all seeing as his Dad was brought up in one Hmm I get it constantly though, apart from when I am at my sons lovely school where everyone loves it :)!

We were allocated the school btw, I didn't pick it through choice as I thought we would get into the either of the two closest schools as I do think it's a positive to be part of the community for social reasons, but when we looked round it I said yes straight away as it's lovely. It has higher SN/SEN intake too, but it's well managed and I see this as a positive, not a negative. A well managed transient community intake too. I really cannot see how those are negatives if the school copes well with a more complex intake.

gosh i have gone on Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Owllady · 06/06/2013 10:23

I meant social reasons for my son, not for me :o I feel I ought to point that out!

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