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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset at neighbours accusing my boy of misbehaving outside?

48 replies

prettybutclumpy · 04/06/2013 21:59

I'll keep it brief, but my blood is boiling! DS (7) plays out on street with his pals. Neighbour has now knocked on my door twice accusing him or two of the other kids of scratching his car, or today rather amusingly leaving a rock (about the size of half a brick) at the side of his wife's car. He brought along his student son for ?protection, too - I must be v scary.

AIBU to feel that my child should be able to play on his own street, particularly when these neighbours have not seen him do anything wrong?

OP posts:

Boomba · 04/06/2013 22:35

how are you so sure your son has done nothing wrong, if he is asleep in bed and you havent asked him?

I get really pissed off at some of the people on our street omplaining about th kids playing football

But, if they are playing with rocks and around cars, I can understand the concern

DiscoDonkey · 04/06/2013 22:36

Actually I agree with chandras the anticipation of problems can be as stressful as actual problems sometimes. I hate it when local kids ride their bikes up my driveway or for some reason the bottom of our drive is alway the 'goal' in a game of football. they're not trying to do damage but I get annoyed by the fact that they may accidentally cause damage to the cars. It's a hassle I could live without.
On the other hand your neighbour has to realise they live in a family neighbourhood if he doesn't like it he should go somewhere a bit more remote.

Original poster

prettybutclumpy · 04/06/2013 22:38

Dr Google I see your point. TBH I wasn't threatened at all. Disco thanks for your wise words; I will do this. Chandras they complain about everything, including the fact that our plants are too big and will attract birds as the wife has a fear of birds, we should sweep up the tiny amount of grass cuttings which land on the street with a dustpan and brush after we cut the grass to keep the street tidy, etc. Another more reasonable neighbour said that the folks who lived here before us, also with young kids, had had the same kind of trouble, so yes I think usually people do have to have had it up to here to complain, but I think they actually enjoy it

OP posts:

Original poster

prettybutclumpy · 04/06/2013 22:41

passion, of course I have spoken to him about it - and the last time they complained I forbade him from going within 200 yards of their house, but have relaxed as things seemed to be OK

OP posts:

Boomba · 04/06/2013 22:42

Ahhhh...see, your latest posts, shine a entirely different light on the situation butclump

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/06/2013 23:09

Just tell your son not to play near his house or car. Simple.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/06/2013 23:12

I got VERY stressed when my 8 year old nephew began kicking a ball outside my house...it's all open lawns with no fences...he was running all around my neighbour's windows. I said to stop it and my sister was all "Why? He's just playing!"" she could see no reason for him not to run right past peoples windows and kick his ball by their door. Now THAT'S an irritating boy...OPs son does not sound annoying but neighbour sounds ridiculous.

Fancy bringing his son with him! Do you have a DH OP? If not, then I would be VERY pissed off with 2 men knocking to complain. Intimidating.

Original poster

prettybutclumpy · 04/06/2013 23:27

Thanks Neo. Ours is the same layout as yours - no fences and open lawns which makes it more difficult.

I do have a DH but he was on the phone! When I asked the son outright why he was there, the father asked me if I wanted to go and get my husband too. Isn't that that strange?

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/06/2013 23:57

God I am glad it wasn't me! I'd have been tempted to lamp someone! But I'm not known for my calm manner.

If I were you, I would tell DS to avoid their house because they are odd. Make sure DS keeps away then they have nothing to complain about. If they come again to your door, inform them you've got CCTV keeping an eye out for you all and that it will record anything untoward that the children or anyone else gets up to. Then shut the door with a cheery Thank you have a nice day!!! Sing songy of course.

StuntGirl · 05/06/2013 00:35

Some people are bloody loony and will complain at the drop of a hat. I remember when I was a child a lady called Doris lived across the road, and she took a huge dislike to my brother for no apparent reason. She was always coming round and complaining to my mother that my brother had done x, y or z. He never had, and even when there was a group of children playing outside, she would single my brother out and complain to my mum and nobody else's!

Talk to your son, perhaps keep an eye on him while he's playing so you can see what they're doing, but if he really is doing nothing then tell your neighbours to jog on.

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/06/2013 00:51

I used to be very quick to assume it was the child doing something wrong when a adult complained until the day a police officer turned up at my door wanting to talk to one of my sons about vandalising a neighbours car and spray painting on their wall.

This was the same son who is none verbal not mobile and not once in his entire life has he ever left the house without either me or a professionally paid carer he could no sooner spray paint a wall than he could lift up a fire engine

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/06/2013 08:50

SockPixie that's terrible! what twat did that!? I bet the police were mightily annoyed too!

ConferencePear · 05/06/2013 08:57

I would be a bit worried if my 7 year old DS was playing a game which involved lobbing a half brick around regardless of it was near cars.

CherylTrole · 05/06/2013 09:16

OP you need to teach your children to respect other peoples property.
Also you need to know where your children are and what they are doing.
Have you talked to your son this morning?

Original poster

prettybutclumpy · 05/06/2013 09:31

Socks that is awful! Rest of posters, of course I spoke to my son this morning. He denied any play with stones. I do think I can tell when he's lying, and I believe him on this occasion. Cheryl, I do know where they are - there are six houses on our culdesac and they are playing on the street in it.

My son has been warned in no uncertain terms, and the rules of his playing outside have been reinforced, but I do feel that the neighbours accusing him without actually witnessing anything is unfair. I will be keeping a closer eye on all the children playing outside.

I am actually quite relieved that we are going on a long holiday in the summer, and it will probably pour with rain for the rest of it, but I don't really want to be dreading the warm summer days...

Does no-one else let their children play out in their culdesac?

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 05/06/2013 11:58

see i wouldnt asume my child was innoceant.

children play, they make stupied mistakes even when they dont mean for them to be naughty. they could very well be throwing rocks with out intending it to hit /damage anything.

i would have asked him had he actually seen my son do it, if so well he will be delt with, if not, i would say i would have a talk with him and then watch them to see how they played, if they needed to be reigned in a bit.
i dont think he was intimdating you by bringing his son, i think he was scared he would get abuse from you so wanted to bring some one with him.

i think you could have been a bit more diplomatic with the neighbour whislt still defending your son.

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/06/2013 12:20

It was just some prat who has a massive history of making trouble for every family with youngsters.

The police were lovely and even gave him a warning that further reports could be dealt with as harrisment and possibly as a hate crime against us.

Original poster

prettybutclumpy · 05/06/2013 13:39

wondering, no, he did not see my son doing anything, and said so at the time, and his car was not damaged.

I'll try for diplomacy the next time, as I'm sure there will be one!

I'd like to know if anyone had ideas on how to get over this feeling that we're not welcome in the neighbourhood, though!

OP posts:

Nokidshere · 05/06/2013 14:19

We have one grumpy neighbour who always made me feel like I had to watch my boys more closely. Even the ball going anywhere near his garden caused him to be at the window watching them like a hawk - even though they have never done anything to warrant it.

StuntGirl · 05/06/2013 14:24

Some people don't like kids OP. Fuck 'em.

Racquel13 · 18/06/2013 21:50

I live in a relitively normal road however last year a new neighbour moved in with her kids (2 doors down) who has since become friends with the neighbour 3 doors down the other side if me with her 5 kids) since then my home life has become one big hell hole!!
7 kids (they are all under 6 years old) running back and forth non stop, screaming , swearing, shouting , rubbish strewn across the public path. Riding scooters kicking balls . Throwing stones (from my gravel) where my car is parked . .... And out till at least 11 at night during the week.
Finally my husband had had enough as I blame the parents for the lack of discipline and respect for the neighbours. During school time these kids should be in bed at a reasonable time as we have jobs to get up for unlike these parents.

What time do you think is reasonable for these children to be out till. The other night they were out till 2 in the morning. We went and knocked on the door as the parents were no where to be seen!! In smoking weed apparently
Short of calling social services I do t think there is much we can do? Any suggestions?

Very frustrated neighbour

jamdonut · 18/06/2013 22:07

Our front gardens are "open-plan" (council and ex-council houses), but my little bit of garden belongs to me, and it annoys the hell out of me when children think they have the right to run across it or play ball in the street right outside my house.(so that it hits my front door or breaks my plants) We all have back gardens. Why on earth can't they play in their gardens instead of right outside my house? I've never let my children do that,and I don't see why any one else should let theirs.
And don't get me started on the girls who think it is fun to scream (literally)on top of their voices out in the street. Why? Why is that necessary, and why don't their parents tell them to stop?

BridgetBidet · 18/06/2013 22:36

The worst possible response you could have given was to insist that he couldn't have done anything and refuse to even countenance what they were telling you.

Even if you don't think that your son was involved you should have told them that you would speak to him regarding showing respect for other people's property and ask him to stay away from your neighbour's house in particular.

And as DiscoDonkey said, you should speak to him and ensure he knows it's absolutely forbidden to go near their house or cars so there can be no misunderstanding.

But to be honest I think that any parent just dismissing it out of hand and refusing even to have a quiet word is indicative of a bit of a bad attitude to be honest.

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