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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being pushed out?

14 replies

MNjuryAIBU · 04/06/2013 20:58

My family spent a lot of time with another family and their 3 DC over the last 5 years, we were all good friends (or so I thought) and did a lot together. 3 months ago, I finally called it a day on this friendship after my DD confessed that the DD in this family was constantly undermining, laughing at, falling out with and criticising my DD. This girls mother (my ex friend :( ) didn't take it well when I told her how my DD felt and we have not spoken since.
The thing is, both girls did a lot together and belong to the same drama, gym and Guides groups.
Before all this happened we would share lifts and this Ex friend would always just drop off or pick up, quickly so as to be back home ASAP.
I have started to notice that each time I drop DD at clubs the ex friend is there chatting to the group organisers before and after, gets there early, leaves late. I can't talk to them as she is always there, chatting away.
I feel that she is trying to push me out and need a kick up the backside because I am 37 not 17.
AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 04/06/2013 21:05

I think you need to grow up if you cant approach a group of adults and join in a conversation. You might be 37 but you are acting like you are 17

Pancakeflipper · 04/06/2013 21:06

Do you need to talk to the organisers? Can you not just drop off/.collect and if you need to talk to them walk up and ask if you could speak to them for a moment.

And won't the organisers want to just get on rather than have chit chat with a parent?

Original poster
MNjuryAIBU · 04/06/2013 21:09

Thank you Holly! Although I am not 'acting' any differently. I drop the DC off and pick them up just as I always have done. I'm wondering why her routine has changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
MNjuryAIBU · 04/06/2013 21:12

Pancake I don't need to talk to them on a weekly basis so it's not a problem really is it? You're right, If I need to ask them something, I'll just pull them to one side.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 04/06/2013 21:14

Then I would have a smile on my face and wave to all as you drop off and collect and just let her get on with whatever she wants.

If you think she's playing some kind of mind game then let her get on with it and just rise above it.

DeWe · 04/06/2013 21:16

I cannot imagine anyone would think "ooh, how can I be really irritating... I'll make sure I'm always talking to the organisers at the clubs so ex-friend can't talk to them..." Unless you're known for spending long times talking to the organisers at clubs.

I wouldn't even notice 95% of the time because I wouldn't need to speak to the organisers, can't remember the last time I needed to speak to dd1 (12yo) organisers because she'd do it herself unless it was a big issue.

Original poster
MNjuryAIBU · 04/06/2013 21:16

Thank you Pancake I do feel like she's doing something and yes, I will keep smiling and ignore. :)

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 04/06/2013 21:17

My family spent a lot of time with another family and their 3 DC over the last 5 years, we were all good friends (or so I thought) and did a lot together. 3 months ago, I finally called it a day on this friendship after my DD confessed that the DD in this family was constantly undermining, laughing at, falling out with and criticising my DD. This girls mother (my ex friend sad ) didn't take it well when I told her how my DD felt and we have not spoken since.
Are you surprised? Children of friendships don't always get on as well as their parents do. Could you not have carried on the friendship without the children?

How did you tell your ex-friend about her child's behaviour?

Original poster
MNjuryAIBU · 04/06/2013 21:19

DeWe Before all this happened, neither of us talked to them much, just routine stuff, hello, goodbye, thank you. That's as far as I go still. She is now with them constantly. All 3 clubs before and after.

OP posts:
Original poster
MNjuryAIBU · 04/06/2013 21:23

Nanny It was ignored for a long time until my DD couldn't take it any more and told me everything. I spoke to the mum about it very gently but she wouldn't accept any of it. In the end, I told her straight that my DD felt bullied. No she didn't like it, who would? Hence us no longer being friends.

OP posts:
Elquota · 05/06/2013 00:39

For a couple of weeks, get to everything even earlier than she does, and be there chatting to the organisers when she arrives?

BeeMom · 05/06/2013 00:59

Although I am not 'acting' any differently. I drop the DC off and pick them up just as I always have done. I'm wondering why her routine has changed

You may not think you are acting differently, but your words say differently. You need to accept that the friendship is over and move the hell on - concern yourself more with how you present yourself and pay no attention to what ex-friend is doing.

Frankly, you sound quite needy, and perhaps she is just trying to make herself as occupied as possible to avoid you?

KittensoftPuppydog · 05/06/2013 07:27

She probably is trying to wind you up. If you have something to say, go to the organisers and say it with a smile on your face. Don't let her know she's annoying you or she'll get worse. Be the bigger adult.

Sparrowlegs248 · 05/06/2013 08:41

Maybe she is bored/lonely no.longer hurryingbto bring her/your children home?just behave as if it were another parent - you would still go and talk to the group leaders if it were anyone else?

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