to feel a bit sad about my Dad getting married?

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

He got married today/yesterday.

He hasn't told me. He rang my brother to tell him and I'm pretty certain he won't tell me.

I'm just really sad that we aren't deemed important enough to know. DD loves her granddad and is pretty upset. She spent time with him and his new wife last year when they visited so I am surprised they haven't shared the news with her.

He lives abroad and for the last 4 years or so we've not been close, I ignored his advice and moved away from him only a couple of months before he was due to emigrate but still, I deprived him of his DGC and he seems to have held that against me. He's very disappointed in me I think.

I thought I'd made my peace with him not caring but this has made me feel so sad. I just feel like I don't have a dad anymore :(

oh i'm sorry to hear that, sounds liek hes not the dad you need and want him to be, yet of course you still want him to be that person

guess you just have to remmeber you liive your life how its right for you

whiteandyellowiris - Thanks. I know I'm all grown up now and I'm happy that I have made the right choices regardless of what he thinks.

I just feel so sad that he thinks so little of DD and I.

I am happy he has found someone to settle down with and that he is enjoying his new life it just feels like he's clearly swapped us for that.

That's sad op. can you write to him and express how you feel but without sounding angry?

YANBU

My dad got married several years back and has basically ignored me and the dc the past few years.

I decided this week to go no contact with him - it's not worth the hurt it causes when his true feelings come to light and we come after playing golf and a slight sniffle.

I haven't felt like I've had a dad for years, it can be a bitter pill to swallow I'm afraid. You have my sympathies.

It really wouldn't be worth it thebody. I don't think anything I have to say matters to him.

I decided I wouldn't bow to his superior knowledge on a subject he knew nothing about and this is the price I paid.

I think he decided there and then not to support me or offer any advice. We have had a horrendous time over the last year and he's never acknowledged it. And honestly I don't think I could forgive him for that now. It really hurt at the time and it still does.

Ultimately I am better off without him. On paper that's clear to see.

But I just feel so... I don't know, sad? Very very sad that it's come to this.

I know what you mean. My mum got married recently and didn't tell me. But this is the woman who left me a voice message to tell me that my gran had died.

I think it is different for me as I have never had a "normal" relationship with my mum and she has never made any effort to and gain one. Were you and your dad previously close before you apparently snubbed him or has it always been on his terms?

We were close once but very much on his terms.

I was always ok as long as I was behaving - I see that now.

I think I'm more upset at the idea of losing my dad. This feels official in some way.

For the past 4 years it's been easy to say to myself that he was busy enjoying himself in his new country etc.

But to not even tell me he was married? It's so clear that he feels nothing isn't it?

I don't know why but it makes me feel so alone. It just compounds all those feelings of never being good enough.

And I'm so bloody angry that I'm still letting him make me feel this way! What's wrong we me FFS!

You and dd deserve better op.

it's a true saying. You can pick your friends but your stuck with your family.

Lick your wounds, you and dd have each other, lend on your friends and at the end of the day it's his loss.

Not much comfort I know.

So, he can move away, but you can't? He'd have liked you to stay were you were so that you were there when he visited? and because you've made a choice which is less convenient for him, he's sulking and punishing you?

He sounds very immature. Your children will be more mature than he is before too long

OP you are not alone.

MIL and SFIL got married in the States, and told DH and I a month later (when she wanted him to phone his cousin who would then tell her sister- dysfunctional much )).

DH and I both have what we thought was a reasonable relationship (dh was possibly less invested in the relationship than I was and has a very hands off approach to her after the many many years of odd decisions).

She is still involved in our lives and dc's but we often come second to other (random) plans.

It sounds as if you have a complicated relationship, but I wouldn't necessarily read too much into the fact he didn't tell you he was getting arrived. Neither my partner nor I told any family members until a month or two after we married - we had a lunchtime civil ceremony for legal reasons, and it wasn't a significant occasion for us. Might your father feel similarly?

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I've been avoiding facebook after waking up to photos etc.

It is a very complicated relationship sadly. I've spent most of my life desperate to please him but always feeling like I've fallen short.

Such clichéd Daddy issues I'm afraid :(

On reflection it's not all that strange that he's contacted others and not me. This is the father that didn't ring when we were being made homeless, or when I had surgery and has never acknowledged his grandson really.

I'm feeling better about it all today. I'm no worse off then I was last week - I've been without a dad for a long time really. It was just such a blatant snub it stung a little. And I was quite cross on DD's behalf. She really does adore him and kept checking her email and facebook for a message from him.

Big deep breath and move on is the order of the day.

I have two wonderful children and it's his loss as far as I'm concerned,