To be sick to death of my mum complaining about my MIL?

[thefuturesnotourstosee]

My mum and MIL get on quite well most of the time. They live about an hours drive from each other. We live about 3 hours from my mum and 4 hours from MIL. MIL does not drive. Every time my mum comes to see us MIL phones mum and asks her to drive to her and pick up some boxes of stuff to bring to us. Mum is coming next week so agreed a couple of weeks ago she'd pop in this weekend for more boxes.

Mum agrees politely but then immediately rings me and complains about it. I could cope it she only phoned once but she phones time after time - the most recent episode has been going on for 2 bl**dy weeks with a phone call every night when she knows DP is working away (so Monday - Thursday) around about the children's bed time which I don't answer followed by one at 8.10pm just as I finally sit down with and repeated calls until I DO answer. She then talks incessantly for half an hour plus about how irritating MIL is and how she does not want to do a 2 hour round trip.

I've advised her to say no but she won't. I've told her I'll talk to MIL but been told I can't possibly do that or I''ll upset MIL. I've said I'll ask DP to talk to MIL but again I will apparantly upset MIL. I've suggested we tell MIL we can pick up boxes next time we go down but my mum insists this would be impolite

The boxes are nearly always full of stuff we don't want or need.

AIBU to think she can either just say no its not possible or say yes and get on with it without driving me round the bend for the next fortnight. Last night she calmly informed me I should keep MIL under control

On top of that she'll phone me this weekend to tell me what a lovely time she had with MIL and all this will be forgotten

What a long post. I hadn't realised quite how irritated I felt!

Don't try and 'fix' it.
Just make soothing noises and change the subject.

Unless you've started charging for a new 'complaint' service unplug your phone, you don't have to listen to it.

You could try not letting MIL know when your mum is coming. I would also turn off my phone, or just the ringer. Have you got caller display? My mum always rings when she knows I am due to leave the house and then keeps me on the phone for ages. I don't answer now, I just ring back later.

Primrose I don't tell her. My mum does!!! Sigh

Tell your mum you won't accept the boxes = no point in your mum picking them up. Sorted.

If you don't want what's in the boxes you need to tell you mil that you don't want them. I have some sympathy with your mum. If you do want the stuff then you need to thank your mum for the effort she puts in in collecting them for you.

Actually I agree with your dm in that it is unfair to expect her to do a 2 hour round trip each time she's coming to you.

In that situation, I would get dh just to say to mil that the journey's quite a lot for your dm, could she not ask your dm to do it as she doesn't like to refuse.

take control or your DH, that you do not want the boxes.

am I the only nosey person who wants to know what is in the bloody boxes

I am not nosy, I have healthy curiosity. I want to know too!

Well, I don't have any sympathy with your mum - esp. if she is the one setting herself up for this by letting your MiL know when a trip is up-coming.

You have suggested several 'fixes' (including the obvious one of your mum saying "no"). She doesn't want the situation fixed. Therefore you don't have to listen to her complain. Either change the subject or tell her to stop.

Sympathy, my mum can be a bit like this and I do have to draw the line, sometimes.

I think it would not be unreasonable to say look mum, stop moaning to me about it.

You let her know you are coming
You say yes when she asks

If you aren't happy to do it, stop telling her you're coming up or stop saying yes.

But stop choosing to tell her you're coming, saying yes to a favour and then bitching about her to me because I am sick of hearing it.

I also need to know what is in the boxes!

Ask your mum, seeing as she has a good relationship with MIL and MIL respects her, if she could have a quiet, diplomatic word with MIL explaining that you don't really need the stuff she's sending but don't want to upset her by saying so.

That's, like, 4 birds with one stone.