Is this generous or not?

[Abouttime]

DS is almost 17, doing 3 as subjects at the moment (last exam this week) and has had a girlfriend (1st one) for 2 months.

I pay £15 per month for his contacts, £21 for gym membership, £10 for his mobile, £15 every weekend & £15 per week for dinner money even though he isn't actually in school for lunch every day. I also pay for his hair cutting every 5 ish weeks which is another £5 or £10 depending on what he's having done.

He unloads the dishwasher & reloads if necessary probably 5 times per week and generally keeps his room clean. He also does his own ironing.....well school shirts cos he won't iron anything else!

He doesn't want to get a job as he says he doesn't have time - he has studying to do, gym & his girlfriend.

He has dyspraxia & some traits of ASD so I suppose is limited to what jobs he can do.

I would like him to get a job for the experience/work ethic & would be happy to still pay for what I do but as he isn't interested I feel I shouldn't have to pay for stuff if he won't get a job.

What do you think?

I think that you provide for him very well, but (depending on your finances) I don't think you're going overboard.

If he doesn't want the extra £ from a job, then the house rules have to change when his exams end and he has to share all household tasks with you. Teach him how to do a weekly shop, use the washing machine, clean the house efficiently. If he refuses, then he gets a job for the summer. Endov. I'd prob find the housework preferable (both as parent & teen!).

What's he doing at the end of the summer? What does he expect to be doing in September?

I would tell him to fund his own gym and mobile.
If he isn't actually getting use out of the paid lunches, stop paying for them and make him take a packed lunch instead. The other stuff I would pay for.

Back in the day, I would work in the holidays to pay for my car and jollies with mates. I also worked 12 hours a week at the soul destroying chicken factory. But it didn't interfere with my studies or social life!

I see no harm in getting a decent work ethic into him.

Instead of £15 every weekend could you give him £65 every month? Practising monthly budgeting is valuable in itself, even if the money is unearned.

Why should he get a job when he is getting over £160 a month for putting in the minimum amount of effort?

I was the sane as shabby got a part timr job at 16 and paid for everything myself. My parents didn't tell me to do it, I just automatically did. I even offered to give them electric money for my tv!
I know its harder now for teens to get jobs bit it can be done.
I think you're way too generous, teens need to learn to stand on their own two feet

I think you are being overly generous with some things. I would not pay for his gym membership and if he does not eat lunch at school everyday then he needs to give you the money back or take sandwiches. I can understand he may have difficulty combining a job and his studies if he has dyspraxia and ASD. If that is then case then maybe he could help more around the house. Perhaps he could do a few extra jobs at the weekend in order to get his £15. The excuse that he cannot get a job as he needs time to see his girlfriend is a weak one though. That is just tough if he can't see her as much as he wants to.

I agree with shabby. At 16 I was strongly encouraged to get a job and from then on I paid my own way,bought my own phone credit, paid for my own transport etc. I got new shoes etc for birthday/Christmas. I was expected to help tidy/Hoover/wash up/ and didn't get spends for this.

When I left home I was grateful for this preparation for the real world!

I think you are being generous, and that your son is very lucky. However, I don't think you should necessarily be pushing for him to get a job, at least until the summer holidays begin. I assume he is in full time education? This should be equivalent, in hours, to full time employment.

When I was growing up my parents never made me get a Saturday job, and I only did a few chores around the house. I am incredibly grateful because I used that extra time to concentrate on academic work. I'm now an academic, so the opportunity to spend the time I would have dedicated to a part-time job on my studies has been much more useful, career-wise, than a paper round would have been.

Of course, my circumstances don't necessarily apply to anyone else, but if your son is working hard on his A-levels, contributing to the house, and spending his leisure time exercising and socialising rather than staring at a computer screen, then I think he's already doing rather well!

deffinately think he should at least try and get a job (as you said his options miggt be limited but trying wont hurt) i had to pay for everything myself since i was 16 and do a majority of the housework and cooking. didnt hurt me one bit. i think its so important to have a good ethic and you certainly appriciate things a lot more when you can buy them yourself.

I think he'll still live with you when he's 40 and you'll not understand why.

I think if he is eligible to be named on a child benefit claim due to his education status irrespective of your income then I think to expect an actual financial contribution from him towards living expenses is wrong.

But he should be doing something to fund none living expenses over and above what a token pocket money amount would be. Now you get to decide if that's actual money or doing a fair amount of work around the house or for the household to prevent you doing it.

Pixie I have to say deciding how to bring up your kids based on whatever the government is doing with the welfare system at the moment doesn't make much sense.

He should get a job. I had Saturday jobs (& worked full time-ish during holidays) from the age of 14 (I know they're not allowed to at that age now). My parents still bought me clothes (I bought extra), toiletries, food, didn't take rent (until I worked full time & then stopped when I realised I didnt want to work in retail all my life and went to university) etc. My mum used to moan she worked harder / longer / was uber qualified but I had more spending money than her .

It taught me loads about how to deal with people, getting jobs done, working in a team, how to shrink a queue, sales, the satisfaction of a pay packet - invaluable. My life has taken a very different turn to retails but I know my work ethic comes the serious hard graft you have to put in in that profession.

Tell him it'll fund his / his girlfriends social life no end!

Ok I will phrase it differently. If they are in full time education then they are still a child and you have a duty of care towards providing for there needs.

Note I said needs not wants.

My DD is 17 and doing 4 A levels at college.
I pay £30 per month for her bus pass to go to college and £10 per month for her phone contract.
Anything else she pays for out of her wages from her part time job including her lunch when she is at college.
She works up to 8 hours on a normal weekend and earns up to £40 per week. Holidays she earns a lot of money as she works a lot of hours.

Your son costs you about 175 a month (excluding clothes/shoes?)

Wait for his last exam and then let him know that from July he will only be allocated 100 pounds per month and he will have to earn the rest.

He could take a packed lunch in, wear glasses instead of contacts, get a shaver for his head, take up running instead of the gym and not spend cash on the weekends.

In your shoes I would cover his gym (great for health), lunches, contacts and mobile. Thats about 100 pounds. Anything else he should earn.

At his age I was doing my A levels, working one day a week in an old peoples home, doing various jobs daily at home and recieving 20 pounds pocket money a month from my parents. I didn't have a mobile, had my hair cut once ever 6 months and ate sandwiches at college.

What about a job at school? I work in an upper school and they employ 6th formers in various capacities (lunch duties where they keep younger students out of corridors where lessons are happening/cleaning around the school/washing up in food tech and science areas). These jobs only take up an hour or so eac day and allow students to earn some cash without taking up huge amounts of time. All done officially and they get to earn without impacting too much on their studies...