To be happy I am happy?

[FishfingersAreOK]

Just that really. Not in a smug way (I don't think and don't intend it to be - though some will call me it) but just that after nearly a decade of depression, undiagnosed thyroid problem, miscarriages, PND after the birth of my 2 lovely DCs etc etc....well that after all that I am now "me" again. I am happy. I can see the bright side of life. Life is wonderful. Life is amazing. And amusingly that makes me well up in tears a bit.

I have never had it really tough - my head knew the whole time my life compared to most is pretty good. I know there are lots of people with problems, horrors, terrible poverty, and unbelievable life situations way worse than anything I could probably even imagine. Which makes the fact I had nearly 10 years of only the odd splash of happy emotion really stupid in so many ways. Depression or near depression.

Gone.

Happiness. Now - I have hours, days, (nearly weeks since been feeling properly, permanently good) of realising the wonder of life.

So flame be if you must for being...smug....for being careless of other's problems. Say IABU because the rest of the world is not as lucky as me.

Or really - am I allowed to be relieved it is over. Relieved and happy to be happy.

And thank you to my family, my wonderful DH, DM and DSis. To my fabulous GP. To my friends. To support from MN.

I'm happy you're happy that you're happy!

Bask in it, sounds like you certainly derserve it. Wishing you lots of blue skies ahead.

Aaw you deserve to bask in your happiness :) depression is awful especially when you know you are in a place you should be happy but aren't. I'm glad you're out the fog :)

Be happy! Coming out the other side of a depression can be quite scary, and I didn't have a spell as long as that. Be grateful for every day you feel like this x

Good you feel happy at last :)

You're back out in the sun and it's a good place to be

How did you manage to get rid of the depression, if you don't mind my asking?

That's lovely :-)
I know the feeling and to someone who has also had bad depression for the last 4 years previous miscarriages and bad PND, its a wonderful feeling to get up in the morning and not feel that black cloud, such a simple thing but depression can be so debilitating .

YANBU at all. I think this is really wonderful.

YANBU at all. You made me smile! As someone who's battled depression for the last 15 years, I'm looking forward to the day I can say this about myself too.

I'd be the first to throw a bucket of water over anybody who thought of flaming you.

Your post is moving and emphasises the fact that it's not materialistic things that truly make us happy.

Long may your happiness continue OP.

Oh bugger...so I may be happy - but I am still a silly, sentimental teary twat.....[blubbering emoticon]. Thank you. Tears of feeling fluffy and happy though...

And wetsand I am afraid I do not have a totally magic and single "cure". Latest AD helped - as it was a big step to admit I was depressed this time as it wasn't PND...so I couldn't see I was depressed to a while as I had nothing to be depressed about IYSWIM. PND - well it is hormones and babies and stuff - people get it. Tough to admit. But you can blame the baby/circumstance etc. This time - was admitting that hell I felt crap. Miserable. Foggy. Dull. Sad. So Sad. With a capital S Sad. And it just came out in the GPs surgery. This prompted him to also check my thyroid levels again and so now also on thyroxine. The happy views started be fore the thyroxine - but the thyroxine has finally lifted the last duvet of tiredness that was overshadowing me.

I did some CBT about 4 years ago. Didn't find it helpful then. But am finding it useful a little bit now - mainly in the I cannot control XYZ - but I can control how I feel about it.

Exercise has been a big help to me. Latest bout of depression tied in with/followed a six month period where I let the cardio exercise slip - so back into that which helps the endorphins/seratonin levels.

Friends help too. Family.

I never thought I would really be back to feeling this normal and happy again. How fecking wonderful is this!

I'm really very pleased for you FishFingers

I'm so happy that you're happy you're happy. It's brilliant.

I'm happy too, for the first time in my life, and finding out that I wasn't happy was really hard - made me extra sad to realise that I'd never been happy in my entire life. But seven years' of therapy, plus 10 years' sobriety/recovery from addiction, is doing its magic, and about three years ago I realised that I really was happy - just happy in myself, no external influences, nothing outside to make me happy, just being happy to be me. And it's amazing. Yay!

(I'm quite often pissed off though )

Good for you.

fish I am so pleased for you... I am in a similar position... severe pnd after each of my three kids. ongoing anxiety and stress over almost a decade now.

I wish so much that I could wave a wand. reading your story has given me hope though.

very best wishes

It is brilliant that you feel happy with life again :)
And thank you for the post - hearing about other people's happiness is a really good way to brighten the day :) :)

Thank you for sharing this.

It may give hope to people who are going through depression.

Well done on your recovery.

I think I may even change my NN to FishfingersAreFab

I am happy for you.

Also, your thread has made me smile. So you are spreading that happiness.

Oh and musickeepsmesane that has reminded me of another thing that I have done differently this time. Sung along out loud, with abandon, to totally cheesy pop "toons" with the children. Think One Direction, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Robbie. I was told once that singing out loud - really out loud - is actually as good an endorphin hit as an hour exercise class. Now I have no idea if this is true - but I have tried to ignore the depressed desire for silence and instead gone for a cheese-fest singalong when the DCs requested it. No idea if it helped....but do you know, belting out a bit of "We are never, ever, ever...." and other suitably silly lyrics cannot help but make you feel good .

Yanbu. Happy that you're happy that you're happy .

The way I see depression is like a fog you are trapped in and you can't see anything clearly, everything is hazy. And when it passes you see everything clearly all of a sudden and realise how much you missed it all and feel grateful that you can now see it all again If that even made sense.

I had depression and it was horrid. I didn't think i'd ever see the light again but since having DC3 I don't know what happened but I feel so happy now, all of that fog has gone! And I go outside every single day now too, when I was depressed I only felt able to go out with DH and as he works long hours would often go 5 days inside the house. It's so nice to feel the sun on my skin and to watch my DC happily playing in the fresh air rather than feeling like a rubbish mum because I can't take them out and watching everyone else having fun from the window.

Anyway bit rambly but you catch my drift . It«s wonderful when it clears up and I only wish it could happen quicker and for everyone.

I have said before - my MN name is a fact!!!! I love music. It keeps me sane. Singing out loud (I can't sing ) makes me feel good..... the rest of the family, mebbe not so much

I am glad it works for you too

I absolutely cannot sing. DCs don't care as long as the car stereo is loud enough. And as far as they are concerned my crap singing is better than radi!o 4

And foolmouse totally understood. Glad you are happy too!

I want this. Enjoy it, you deserve it.