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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think being grounded means you don't stand in the doorstep gassing to your mates?

16 replies

freddiefrog · 02/06/2013 21:08

And at 11, nearly 12 she should be responsible for keeping an eye on her watch, and making sure she's home on time

DD1 was an hour late home yesterday - she was in the park wih her mates, was supposed to be home for dinner at 6 and rolled in at 7pm

The park is just behind our house so I could see her and I knew she was safe and in one piece so wasn't worried, but thought I'd let her dig her own hole rather than go and remind her of her curfew

Today, several friends have knocked for her and I've refused to let her go out, invite them in or stand on the doorstep yakking

To me, being grounded is a punishment but apparently I'm ruining her life (said with much dramatics and sighing) and am mean. DH thinks its harsh, but it's hardly a punishment if you still get to see your friends and to be honest, we're at the end if half term so I'm sick of having a house full of other peoples kids

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 02/06/2013 21:10

I think you are OTT. Purely because it is half term, you could see your child, she hadn't disappeared, you could have text or called her home for tea.

If it were a school night I would have had a different answer.

BarbarianMum · 02/06/2013 21:16

I think you are doing the right thing (just to give another point of view).

It's really, really important that you can trust her to be home when she says she will because mostly you won't be able to see her and know she's safe.

In the olden days when I was young we started playing out at age 5. You stayed on the green in front of the houses, so your mum could see you and call you in. By age 7, when you wanted to go a bit further, you got a watch (I was sooo excited to get my first watch), you were told what time to be in by and heaven help you if you weren't. We all learned v. quickly.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 02/06/2013 21:17

She could have gone back out again after tea, had she come in on time in the first place

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 02/06/2013 21:17

You are completely correct. If it was when the clocks had just changed (still daylight, confusing) and she had no watch or phone I'd be more lenient. Also if there was a bloody good reason. Otherwise she needs to learn to be home on time now, rather than when you can't see her and it's dark.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 02/06/2013 21:20

It's really, really important that you can trust her to be home when she says she will because mostly you won't be able to see her and know she's safe.

She is allowed further afield to the shop, to her friends down the road, etc, so I have to trust her to come in on time, as I can't always see her.

I could see her this time, and I could have gone and got her but she has a watch, knows its dinner and knows what time she has to be in.

She could have gone back out again after had she kept to her first curfew

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 02/06/2013 21:23

I was late home once and my mum grounded me and wouldn't let me talk to my friends when they called round.

Now I live in a damp mouldy hovel with only my bunions for company.

If that's what you want for your daughter, then go ahead.

Onesleeptillwembley · 02/06/2013 22:04

The bunions are more than you deserve.

Really, OP (sorry, can't check your name, am on phone), letting her get away isn't doing either of you any favours. 5 or 10 mins if they are normally on time, let go. But do use leniency when it's appropriate.
My oldest was 2 1/2 hours was late home once at 15. Couldn't ring him, he'd left to walk 20 mins home on time, he'd actually rung home and texted a couple of times as his aunty was in labour and was quite excited. Used a lot of battery. Turned out he'd bumped into his best friends sis (bit of a wild one) who had argued with boyfriend and friend. She was going stomping iff over the fields to see the boyfriend. He couldn't leave her and his battery went. He wasnt grounded for that, poor lad.

SPsCliffingAllOverMN · 02/06/2013 22:10

Grounded meant been stuck in the house when I was younger. If people called for me I was alone to go to the door and tell them I was grounded.

I was though allowed to go to the shop for my mum. I would text friends sneakily and meet up with them and take ages coming home then just blame a queue Grin

I wouldn't ground her for been an hour later. My mum would have made my curfew shorter the next night though instead

WafflyVersatile · 02/06/2013 22:12

She ruined my life! And she was mean.

Onesleeptillwembley · 02/06/2013 22:18

Anybody that is late home then grows bunions to spite his/her mother deserves all they get.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 02/06/2013 22:44

I ruin her life on a fairly regular basis so I guess she's doomed - I dance at the school disco, won't let her go out plastered in make up, etc, etc

5 or 10 minutes I let go, but an hour was pushing her luck

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 02/06/2013 22:47

the spiteful bunions would be a great name for a band.

cricketballs · 02/06/2013 22:52

I agree with you op; an hour without a valid reason needs to be addressed. Talking to friends at the door is not addressing the issue and whilst I understand the 'ruining my life' pleas from your DD, you do need to make it clear the boundaries

CloudsAndTrees · 02/06/2013 22:57

I agree you aren't being harsh, you are doing completely the right thing.

aPseudonymToFoolHim · 02/06/2013 23:01

I agree with you, OP, as another mother who regularly ruins her DD's life (will be 12 this week) I think everyone should be as horrible, mean, cruel, unfair, nasty, hateful and unreasonable as me so I don't look tight on my kids :)

AllegraLilac · 03/06/2013 00:17

Technically, she is in the house and not breaking her grounding if she is on the doorstep.

Sounds like DD may make a great lawyer one day!

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