about DS and instrument learning?

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So DS is 8, in Y3, and has been learning clarinet since last September. He's getting ready to take his Grade 1 exam. Sometimes he'll practise happily; other times he makes a big fuss and it's all a bit stressful. DP is sick of trying to make him practise so I have said I'll do it exclusively. DS is no musical genius but he isn't hopeless either; he can now make simple tunes sound quite nice. We've had the form through from school to commit to lessons next year. DP has just (unbeknownst to me) had a chat with DS and said "OK B, you've got 3 choices. 1. Carry on with clarinet, 2. Stop clarinet lessons or 3. Stop clarinet lessons but try another instrument."

AIBU in thinking Option 3 is total madness? It would be the same hard work and gnashing of teeth all over again to master a new instrument (which he would probably also want to drop by this time next year). And I think it's wrong to raise a child to think that when the going gets tough with something you can just jack it in and dabble in something new. DP thinks I am being like a dictator and DS should be able to choose; but although I would be disappointed if DS stopped the clarinet I would accept it. I wouldn't force him to play it if he really disliked it - although much of the time I think he does like it and is just a bit disinclined (like many kids) to practise when it's a new and tricky piece. What I can't condone is this idea that he should drop one thing and try another.

AM I being unreasonable? To me that's just lazy parenting, but DP says I am being a dragon...

I may be flamed for this, however will state my case anyway.
Eight is very young to be playing the clarinet. I think my dhs youngest student started at nine and didn't take exams for quite some time.
He also refuses to teach them until they have second teeth as research, which can be found but I can't be assed to find reckons that it can damage growth of teeth if the dc is positioning the mouthpiece correctly.
I don't think it is necessarily giving up when it becomes hard, but maybe realising a particular instrument isn't for you. Not all instruments suit all people. Maybe your dh has a point, its certainly more logical than to carry on when your ds is not enthusistic. Perhaps talk to him about an alternative instrument but stress that any he chooses will be the same when it comes to needing effort and motivation to practice.
Good luck with the exam

Maybe take a break from exams next term? Is he in a band he enjoys? It so is he can read music so if he gives up learnin a new instrument will be easier especially woodwind.

It's so good he can read music I meant to say!

I think it depends if he has shown an interest in another instrument. My DS2 started playing the violin in Year 3 when it was offered at school, despite me trying to persuade him otherwise (i think it is truly the worst instrument for a beginner's parent to have to listen to!!). He insisted but quickly grew to dislike it, and I struggled to make him practise. At the end of Year 3 we had to commit (or not) to another year of lessons, he said he didn't want to continue with the violin but did want to learn an instrument and so he switched to the clarinet - and loved it. He's now been having clarinet lessons for 5 years, he never has to be nagged to practise, and really enjoys playing in an orchestra. And we love hearing him play. I don't think he's naturally very musical, so would never have really got on with the violin.

It might be worth letting him switch to another instrument if he is keen - I think it's a great skill to have, and is quite sociable if they get good at it (orchestras etc).

I think he should be allowed to switch - after all music is supposed to be fun too, and the lesson that you are trying to avoid doesn't really follow in the real world. Eg if I was taking a ballroom dance class and realised that I didn't really like ballroom, but based on what I had learn at my original class I thought I would enjoy ballet then I would just switch.

Also, a love of music is best fostered by allowing it to take its own course. You wouldn't make him only listen to one type of music, so why make him learn only one instrument? If he really loves playing, then he will practice without needing to be nagged - he might put it down for a couple of weeks, but he'll come back to it if it's meant to be.

no learning is ever wasted. If he changes instrument, he will be taking some knowledge of music with him, so it will help him with a new instrument. I agree with your dh, I would let him change if this is possible or quit if he doesn't want to continue

Tricky one. He can't keep swapping, but equally if he has no interested then there is no point in bashing it. I would go with DP's options, but stress that he cannot change again next year so he must really want this. If he's not that interested in any other instrument, don't start suggesting a whole load (or let DP put ideas into his head). If he doesn't then maybe just try again at a later stage - or maybe music isn't his thing. FWIW I played the clarinet and found it hard going. My Mum insisted on it, and I played till 18 when I left home and have not touched it since! I'm sure the music lessons did me good in the long run, but it was never something I particularly enjoyed. I used to get really itchy feet every time I practised very odd.