New school welcome

[ColdWindsOfSuburbia]

So we move house.

Phone school next door to ask to look around. They say "we don't do tours, because we're oversubscribed - and it would only lead to disappointment". Fair enough.

Letter from the council comes offering 4yo DS a place at the school. The week before we go in to return our forms & collect our uniform - the secretary says "do you know how lucky you are to get a place? We're very over-subscribed".

So we say - yes - we're very appreciative etc etc - can we look around now? Left it with them; they call up: please come five minutes early on the first day.

Five minutes early we come, stand like lemons in DS classroom - then leave.

Six weeks in I'm still needing to ask other parents for directions to eg school hall, I haven't a clue who is who other than DS class teacher (don't know TA name, for example). Haven't spoken a full sentence to DS teacher in the whole time. If I ask how DS is settling she says "fine".

Am I being a princess expecting a little more?

I am an advisory teacher for Looked After Children, and we are required to visit a school in our role as corporate parent before applying for a place there for any child in the care of the LA.

I would expect every school to accommodate a parental visit, regardless of oversubscription- if not before, then certainly after a child has got a place. Very poor behaviour on the school's part not to engage with you.

They knew they had us over a barrel - we were unlikely to turn the place down, since there is a primary school place shortage in town - and they are the most popular school.

It's just ungracious of them to make it so obvious - and not really a very good start in terms of having a home-school relationship in place if any issues and crazy presumptuous requests do come up.

Very surprised at no tour, no talking with the teacher etc. It is only his first term though, and if there are 30 kids she might be having trouble keeping an eye on him as he settles in.

Does the school have a map or anything? Sounds weird but our school had a map they gave to older children (in their homework diaries) and parents found it very useful so maybe you could request a map, they should have a map for safety reasons and it might help you find your way around the school.

With our school it was very hands on, parents chatted to the teacher every day for the first term, etc BUT it was an indy school with >5 kids to a reception class at the start of year so very easy to watch new children!

Perhaps you can book an appointment to talk to the teacher? I am assuming however that your DS will change class in September so it would probably be best if you waited until he had a new teacher to talk to, and the new teacher would probably be more receptive at the start of the year. There might also be a tour for new parents in the holidays/start of the next year that you might be able to tag along to.

Well most "over-subscribed" schools around here give tours to any prospective parents, and certainly to any who have been given a place.

I wouldn't be totally happy about my children going to such an unfriendly and unhelpful school (I'm in England BTW).

YANBU
they are being v v rude
and now that your kid is in there you can tell them so and they have to suck it up and deal with you

So you think it's worth pushing for a class teacher meeting/some proper interaction?

I almost don't know if I can trust myself to do so in a non passive-aggressive way!

I wish I could just tell them to shove it!

Sounds like the school are pretty pissed off that you got a place. 'Over-subscribed' means that class sizes will be over 30. They're probably feeling the pressure of that. Wouldn't be surprised if they were purposefully unhelpful/rude so that you wouldn't take the place.

Not saying that is the correct way for them to behave- is not your fault that there are not enough school places for local children, and you're right that about them ruining any chance if a positive home-school relationship.

YANBU. My DD changed schools for the last two terms of Year 6 to an 'oversubscribed' school and we were given a tour and the opportunity to meet with her class teacher. I obviously don't know as much about her old school and she is probably missing out on some aspects of school activities but we have been made to feel welcome.

My Dsis is a head teacher and I know she would be concerned by any parent who had been made to feel the way have you have. Sorry if I have missed it but have you spoken to the HT?

Our HTs have always, always shown parents around the school, whenever they have started and even when over-subscribed.
And if a child came on their first day in the middle of term, the HT greets, takes child and parents to class and introduces to staff.

Not welcoming at all.

No - we are #30 - replacing the best friend of someone (something I found out through a slightly awkward incident - where my other son set out to defend DS from a 'bully' - who it turned out had indeed had 'it in for' DS - his mum told me he'd cried every morning about missing his friend - which kind of illustrates why the norm for 4 year olds should still be that their Mums know their worlds in and out of school - but I digress).

They didn't want us to have the place because we were new to the area moving into a newbuild flat next door to the school - and apparently people wait for years to get to the top of their waiting list. They see us as jammy, undeserving arrivistes.

It's not a strange thing to expect. DS1 has been an in-year admission 3 times now and every time except the last the HT gave us a tour of the school. Indeed, HT's gave us tours of several schools so we could decide where we wanted to send him. The last time we moved in late August and had to secure a place for him to start at in September, so the schools were all shut (and the other local middle schools were both full).

I'd be really pissed off about the 'you're lucky to have a place, you know so be grateful and shut up' from the school. That's shit.

Schools are supposed to work in partnership with parents. You can't do that when you don't engage with them in any way, and continually tell them that they should just be grateful for the place.

There will be parent partnership in the handbook somewhere. Although some schools really do seem to believe that issuing parents with a pre-prepared and in no way consulted on 'home-school' agreement constitutes a partnership.

YANBU

They are being very rude.

You do just need to ask though, say that you want to talk to the teacher about how your child is settling in, and please could you have the tour that you missed out on due to moving to the area late.

mm, sound really rubbish.

we moved as in year admission.

step 1 emailed school-school admin sent nice email back arranging an appointment with head and tour as they confirmed they had spaces.

Arrived me, husband and baby

head spent nearly hour asking why we wanted to move as moving big step-we moved to nearby local school as was unhappy

had tour spoke to teachers and kids-its a very small village school dident take long no danger getting lost.

2ndly asked if could bring elcest to veiw.

head busy so admin lady said she show her round.

got to sit in her would be classroom for 20mins
head came introduced herself to eldest breifly for around 10mins.

we applied lea got place

arived start nov after october half term.

reported to reception.

they looked so pleased to see her made huge fuss

each new child got a buddy,

head informed me who parent class rep was as they have a parent coucil.
pta inytroduced themselves.

school admin/rception took all contact emails.

got us ob text and email sytem
they update website reguarly eerything on calender.

she phones if any probs,

we called her dds school mummy made moving so much easier,

even sorted out some cheap 2nd hand uniform for her,

told me all clubs she could join.

we missed school 2parents evening as they ha theres before half tre and old school had theres after so arrnaged appointment with new class teacher.

she was always happy to have quick chat after class.

new teacher was leaing at xmas but head infomed me confidentially before we applied really respected that.

The teacher told me before she left that she assessed dd and had plan additional help which happened after xmas cant fault them.

We did however look at very well thourght of oversubcribed infants -people desperate get kids in, good ofsted and sats.

It was appointment with head small groups of parents.

she spoke to us at length that we had to put as 1xst choice or wasting our time.

That or child be very fortunate if gained place here.

we were not allowed to speak to kids or staff as that would disrupt their day.

They had supplemntary evidence form yet not faith and admissions controlled by coucil with questions about vaccines all this put me off.

I should really consider it as 2nd choice for sibling as dds 1 s school out catchment.

but dont like most parents there
lots pressure on kids
crap communication

will look at it again but hated it.

YmightBAlittleU.

We don't do one off tours of our school. There is an open tour of the school once per month for prospective parents, in addition to a big open day/fete in March every year. We would just go crazy trying to do tours all of the time, and it can be distracting to classes. Our set sessions are also when we have interpreters on hand (usually other parents) as we have a fairly high intake of refugee students and we do an afternoon tea afterwards if there have been any new students that month. So some parents may need to wait a couple of weeks, but they can have a tour. They just also have to understand that we are busy as well, and tours can take a huge chunk of time out of a day that we just don't have. Tours can very easily turn in to a couple of hours with some parents. We may do a one off occasionally, but we would have to be asked very nicely or under pretty exceptional circumstances (a student with special access needs for example).

OP, have you actually asked anyone if they could give you a tour? It sounds to me like you are expecting the red carpet laid out for you, and quite frankly, some of your comments make me wonder if you haven't already put some staff and parents off.

Go up to to the TA and just bloody ask her name! "Hi, I'm Sally, Billy's mum. What's your name?" is a pretty universal conversation starter. If you've asked the teacher how your DS is settling in and she says that he's doing fine, then he probably is? Most kids settle in very easily. It's only their parents that cause us problems. If you are having concerns, then send the teacher an email and ask to book a time to have a quick catch up. I can't get in to long in depth conversations about students at the classroom door. For one thing, there's way too many of them, and there's also privacy issues of conversations being overheard. Afternoon conversations are generally restricted to "Bye" "See you tomorrow" "Fine" "No problems" "He did great reading today" or "How about we meet Tuesday at 3:30pm". If you want a proper chat, book an appointment. Volunteer to help out in the classroom, join a committee, supervise an excursion, whatever, but just become a valuable part of the school community. I will touch base with parents on the first day and the end of the first week briefly (which usually does just consist of "he's doing fine, made some new friends" and usually ask parents of new students to meet with me after a month, as that's when I've been truly able to assess how their settling, are their friendship groups forming well and how their tracking with their work.

Schools are a partnership with the parents and community. That means that both sides need to make an effort.

YANBU, my dd went to the nursery of the school she now attends but when it came to applying for school places I asked for, and got, a tour of the school (nursery in separate block), and a meeting with the head.

Just because a school is over subscribed it doesn't necessarily mean it will be the best fit for your dc.

I did ask about the tour - twice - and what was offered was to go into the classroom 5 minutes early the first day (normally drop off is at the door). I expected that to be a chance for a bit of a chat - but it was literally 5 minutes standing in an empty classroom.

I've only seen the TA once in six weeks - when DS was ill & needed to be collected.

It's not about the red carpet - but the systematic pattern of no tour (twice)/ no introduction to the teachers/ no pre-starting chat / no 'how is he settling' chat / no buddy system makes me .

YANBu too many school assume things. We were new to a lovely school but I got annoyed by the lack of info. I like you had NO idea who any of the TA's were and I think that some photos up in a place near the classroom with their pics and names on would be good.

YANBU to expect a tour at all, I'm quite shocked by how unwelcoming this school seems (I can only assume it's resentment at your luck in gaining a place straightaway but I don't really see how it affects them.)

At our school there are usually tours (invidual not group ones) at least 2-3 times a week and they are always given by the head or the deputy head. Prospective children also wouldn't start without a taster day and a buddy, even if they start mid year or mid term.

We are a private school so obviously it's in our interest to seem attractive to parents but still, it proves that there is certainly time in a teacher's or head's day to do it and they really should do it for you.

My experience when we were looking at schools was that the more 'over subscribed' they were the less welcoming - in fact the two highest demand schools had offices that were distinctly unhelpful. Now that might be because of the level of interest meant that being helpful was too onerous perhaps, but as a perspective parent it felt very very unwelcoming.

I'm also a bit cautious about the 'over subscribed' thing. My children are about to leave primary school now so it was a while ago, but I filled out eight applications for ds just to make sure he got at least one place (essentially for every school in walking/cycling/10 mins bus/driving except the religious ones) distance. So of course many of the schools had more applicants than places.

We have since moved schools a few times and always had a tour when asking on application, and easily found time for a chat with their new teachers within a week or two. We also always had school and class info telling us who key people were, what the children might be learning etc. Some schools had more than others, but surely all schools should at least be sending parents a note introducing themselves and any helpers as a matter of routine? The same note could be used just as well for ordinary and in year starters (who are hardly that unusual).

Plus 'fine' is a really really unhelpful comment. Sure pick up isn't the easiest time to chat, but then most teachers would suggest booking a time to talk surely?

That's the thing - we're a friendly and enthusiastic family. At our last school - if they said "jump" - we'd jump with a backflip on the end. But it's really hard to get engaged off such a cold start.

So - not to get obsessed with the hall - but we respond to the request to bring the special thing to the hall - but it's all stressy and awkward since I struggle to find the hall & DC pick up that we've fluffed somewhere.

And a reading journal is put in DS bag - and I genuinely don't have a clue what's expected. At our last school, the DC had to colour in little faces to say if they'd enjoyed the book and they then picked a new book - here the space seems to be for me to say something - and there keep popping up teacher signatures - which seem to suggest he's already read the book twice before I see it. Wha..??

I managed to crack my dsc's school secretary by being very polite and friendly. After a year of frosty, rudeness (I was assured that she's rude to everyone), she suddenly decided that I was ok, genuinely quite nice and she now can't be helpful enough.

Hard as it is, don't be PA, but DO get in touch with the head by email and request a meeting with your dc's class teacher and a brief tour. Explain (briefly) your main concerns - not knowing where hall is, what's expected of reading etc.

But do try to get over your annoyance. I TOTALLY understand how you're feeling but this will probably be a school you have a long relationship with so keep trying.