Aibu to ask how you ever have sex again when you have a baby. EVER.

[emeraldgirl1]

It's not just the practicalities (though we have a small flat with few rooms so I think we might have to end up doing it in the bathroom even if we do ever o it again.)

Nor is it just that with a demanding 12wo I am prioritising sleep above all else...

The bigger issue is just feeling so WEIRD about it. Having s-e-x now that I am a mother.

I certainly haven't lost my sex drive but my mind is getting in the way IYSWIM.

I recognise that it is a really important barrier to break through as I don't think it is good or healthy (let alone realistic) to just abandon sex with my very lovely husband for the next 18 years or so...

But honestly how do you do it? How do you stop feeling like 'mummy' and start remembering that you are a wife or girlfriend or whatever? It doesn't help that we have (I think it s normal!) picked up the habit of referring to each other as Mummy and Daddy all the time (well not when it is just us, obviously, but then it is rarely just us these days!) as in, 'mummy is going to go and get your bottle while daddy changes your nppy' etc etc... How do you have sex after a day of that??!

Not to mention the fact of course that these days a lot of our conversation is about poo and pee and how knackered we are.

I feel so weirded out by the mere thought of ever being sexual again.

Can anyone offer any genuine advice btw?

Should I just lie back and think of England and hope that after the first weird time I feel like myself again..?

Dogsmom... Forget the sex question... How do you get DD to sleep from 7.30 to 6am??!? TELL ME!!! We have a bedtime routine and for the past week have it DD to sleep by 8pm but she still wakes at 1am and some time around 4.30!!! Give me your pearls of wisdom please please please...

I found it hard to go from being sexy in bed, having my boobs being sexy one minute - then the baby waking and needing a feed the next minute! It is difficult, and accepting that your body now has two very different 'functions' is hard.

But, you will get there! We don't have sex as often as we did pre-baby, but when we do, it's very very very good. Quality over quantity and all that ;)

emerald - how old is your baby?

I've got a 3 month old too.
As soon as we had some foreplay tonight, it triggered big jets of milk from each breast to start! It is hard to forget you're a Mum (but worth the effort of trying).

Not sure how people who follow the guidance of baby in same room for 6 months supposed to have sexy time though (we moved him out after a month...)

We tried when DD was 12 wks & it hurt. Think I was just so tense. The next time DD was 20wks & it was the day before her baptism. I remember clearly as MIL said "I'll look after DD for the afternoon so you & DH can organise how for the baptism". We spent the afternoon in bed! So in answer, time, but of alone time & lube!! After that we had sex with DD in our room (she was with us til 6 months), mostly at night but once she was in her rocker downstairs & she fell asleep so we carefully carried her upstairs &placed her next to our bed. Needs must when you're a parent!!

All in its own good time,your dh willy is not going to explode.

Personally I found breastfeeding seriously dampened any desires and if I did then I wouldn't orgasm.

Eeesh I went the other way - nearly cried when the nurse told me I had to wait 8 weeks! Sex was to be my route back to 'normal'.

Sex was a bit rubbish in my third trimester due to the mahoosive bump and the spd and the only thing getting me through the last weeks was planning the 'fun times' with the OH.

I guess sex is the only thing that makes me feel like me again; just try and switch off the mummy! x

For me it took a while to feel 'settled' and adjust in general before I even thought about sex! But when we did resume bedroom activities I found that I felt more relaxed and confident than I had before which surprised me a lot! It sounds silly, but I think having a baby made me feel more womanly - like a proper grown up ?!? The 'mummy' feeling is very intense those first few weeks but I think as you get used to it it's not quite as consuming and you start to feel more 'you' again.

I dont think I have ever been in mummy mode so I have never lost my sex drive. Biggest tip is dont let your children take over your life your still you same as always.

How do you stop feeling like 'mummy' and start remembering that you are a wife or girlfriend or whatever?

When they start weaning and had less time on the breast and periods returned in full force so about 6-9 months :)

Well it takes longer than 12 weeks for a start! More like a year or more for some.

this your body and emotions change after a baby some women can get back on the saddle so to speak other women like me it can take months and months I think it was nearly a year before i felt normal again after dd1 , 12 weeks your baby is still tiny needs you and your sleep and caring for baby takes priority I personally think it is a natural response

Never had periods before 12 months myself , and with one it was almost 2 years (though was long since back n the saddle by then ).

"Not sure how people who follow the guidance of baby in same room for 6 months supposed to have sexy time though (we moved him out after a month...)"

Some of us have managed to conceive babies whilst the older one slept in our bedroom. Not all sex wakes a baby and not all sex happens in the bedroom

Gently after about 9 weeks, wine was involved.

Indeed - not all sex happens in the bedroom ;)